(When my daughter first starts high school, she doesn’t know very many people. She is quite shy and introverted, so she doesn’t have any friends at first. One day, this happens.)

Teacher: “Every lunchtime, I see you sitting here in the library alone. It’s not right.”

Daughter: “I don’t mind. I like the library.”

Teacher: “No. It’s not right. A young girl like you should be having fun with friends.”

Daughter: “Um…”

Teacher: “Yes, yes, I know; you don’t have any. That’s about to change. I’m going to bring you out of your shell.”

Daughter: *alarmed* “No, thank you! I’m fine as I am.”

Teacher: “Nonsense! All you need is a little push in the right direction. Leave it all to me. We’ll start tomorrow.” *leaves*

(My daughter is horrified and doesn’t know what to do. I notice that evening that she is very quiet, and after some gentle prodding, she tells me everything. I ask her if she’d like me to intervene, and I get a hesitant, “Okay,” for an answer. I call the school and leave a message asking the teacher to call me. The next day:)

Teacher: “Hello, is this [My Name], [Daughter]’s mother? I had a message to call you.”

Me: *pleasantly* “Hello, Mr. [Teacher]. I understand that you’ve decided to take my daughter under your wing.”

Teacher: *happily* “Oh, yes! I see shy kids like her all the time, and–”

Me: “Let me stop you right there. My daughter is fine. Please leave her alone.”

Teacher: “But… I’m just trying to help.”

Me: “I’m sure that you have good intentions, but your help is neither wanted or needed.”

Teacher: “But a young girl like her should have friends! It’s not natural for her to be alone all the time!”

Me: “She’ll make friends on her own when she’s ready.”

Teacher: “…”

Me: “I hope I’ve made myself clear.”

Teacher: *long pause* “Yes.”

Me: “Good. I’m glad we had this talk. Have a nice day!” *click*

(He never talked to my daughter again unless it was about schoolwork. She started making friends soon after that.)

This story is part of our Making Friends roundup!

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(I work in a copy shop. Our self-serve machines run on credit cards or preloaded cards you can get at the cash registers. The following exchange happens far too often with different customers:)

Customer: “The copier won’t work! It says to put in a card!”

Me: “Yes, you need a credit card or a prepaid copy card.”

Customer: “I don’t have a credit card!”

Me: “Okay, then you put money on a copy card.”

Customer: “Why can’t I just make my copies and then pay you after?!”

Me: “Because the machines don’t work without a card.”

Customer: “But you should change it so I can pay you after!”

Me: “Yeah, but then people would just leave without paying for their copies.”

Customer: “I don’t think anyone would ever do that!”

(Yes, they would.)

(I work for a major telecommunications company, in the customer service department. A customer calls in because he is missing a lot of channels on his TV.)

Me: “I apologize; this must be very frustrating. Are you receiving any error message when trying to view your missing channels?”

(When a customer receives a message stating “NOT AUTHORIZED,” it means they don’t have the channel because they need to either upgrade their package or purchase the channel individually.)

Customer: “No, just a blank black screen.”

(Because he says it is a blank screen, I know this will be something I won’t be able to assist with. I try to tell the customer I will need to transfer him to technical support for further assistance.)

Customer: *completely ignoring what I said, being very rude and snappy* “We are going to go over one channel at a time and see which channels are working and which aren’t. Write down the channel number so we can count how many channels aren’t working.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but—’

Customer: “Channel one, working. Channel two, working. Channel three, not working.”

Me: “Sir, I need to transf—”

Customer: “…channel four, not working. Channel five, working—”

Me: “Sir, please allow me to transf—”

Customer: “Listen. Do not speak. Let me finish; I’m talking, and you will listen to me!“

(I mute my mic, allow him to speak, and roughly twenty minutes later, after reaching channel 310 or so…)

Customer: “Did you write it all down? You’d better have, because I ain’t doing this s*** again!”

Me: “I’m not a technical support agent; I will need to transfer you for further assistance.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Give me your d*** supervisor!”

(The store where I work gets shoplifted so often that the company reserves the right to check bags, but only when the customers are about to leave. Signs at each entrance warn the customers of this fact. Whether we feel confident enough to do it is an actual question in the interview process, and we’re told to do it in our training. Employees have even been fired for not doing it. Personally, I’m always very polite when I ask customers to show me their bags, to make sure they don’t feel attacked. A customer and his wife go through my line with full bags.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Could I check your bags, please?”

Customer: “Pardon?”

Me: *thinking he didn’t hear me* “Could I just see your bags, please?”

(His wife agrees and opens her bag for me to check, but he stays put.)

Customer: “Call the police.”

(I’ve had customers refuse to show me their bags before, and I usually try to politely reason with them. However, I’ve been having a horrible day so far and I’m working open to close, so I’m not in the mood for his attitude.)

Me: “Why? Did you hide something in it?”

Customer: *violently empties his bag on my counter and throws his receipt at me* “You want to see this, too?”

Me: *smiling and polite as ever* “Yes, thank you.”

Customer: *as his wife tries to calm him down* “You can’t do this. It’s illegal.”

Me: *checking his items* “We reserve the right to do so. It’s written at both entrances.”

Customer: “I don’t care. It’s illegal.”

Me: “It’s was part of my training and it’s half of my job.” *handing him his receipt* “All right, you’re good to go.”

Customer: *putting his things away* “Eat s***.”

(His wife gasps.)

Me: *still smiling, but boiling inside* “You, too, sir. Have a good day.”

(He left, followed by his wife who looked very embarrassed. Later on, I thought of better things to reply, but I’m not very good at on-the-spot speeches, so that’s what came out. I was worried I’d get in trouble, but when I told my manager, she said, “Oh, you were told to eat s***, too?” and laughed.)

(I explain our extended warranty to the customer.)

Me: “So, do you want that?”

Customer: *while shaking head no* “Yes.”

Me: “Okay… So… Yes?”

Customer: *while shaking head no* “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I grab the form for the warranty and start to put the sku in the till.)

Customer: “Don’t you understand?”

Me: “I guess not. Do you want the plan?”

Customer: *shaking head no* “YES!”

Me: “So… Yes, then? You want it?”

Customer: *shaking head no* “YES! Don’t you know what that means?”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Customer: “No! IT MEANS NO!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but you were shaking your head no but saying yes, so of course I would be confused.”