(We have a self-serve fax, with store cover sheets to use for free. When checking customers out, I always ask if they used a cover sheet, since their confirmation sheet doesn’t tell me; it only says how many total pages went through. If they used a cover sheet, we charge one less page than the confirmation sheet says:)

Me: “Did you use one of our cover sheets today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I charge him for all the pages on his confirmation and he pays.)

Customer: “Wait a second. Aren’t the cover sheets supposed to be free?”

Me: “Yes, but you didn’t use one.”

Customer: “Yes, I did!”

Me: “Only our store cover sheets are free. Sorry.”

Customer: “No, I did use one of yours!”

Me: “You told me you didn’t.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Yes, you did. I asked you if you did and you said no.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I wasn’t listening.”

(It’s the day before Canada Day and the store is insanely busy. It’s going smoothly, however, until, this customer comes to my register. He has already spent about five minutes doing “unprepared” price matching: not knowing where something is, not highlighting, circling or flagging the items that he wants to match, not writing down page numbers of items on sale.)

Me: *coming to the end of the transaction* “So your total today is [relatively low price].”

Customer: “What? That can’t be right.”

Me: “Well, there is tax on the popsicles and ice cream.”

Customer: “Can you check that?”

Me: “You want me to check the prices on everything?” *at this point, a number of significantly long lines have started to form*

Customer: “No, can you calculate that it’s correct? Did you price match the cherries right?”

(I hold back a sigh and pull out the register calculator, adding everything, including tax. Unsurprisingly it’s the same total as what I and the computer say it is. I show the customer and he skeptical accepts it.)

Customer: “Well, can I see a supervisor or a manager about it? I didn’t think it would be this much, so maybe I can get a discount?”

Me: *taken aback by the question, but calls the supervisor down* “All right, she’ll be right down.”

(My supervisor comes down and is thoroughly taken aback by the question like I was, but basically says the same thing I did: the computer doesn’t make mistakes and that’s the price of his groceries. Finally he concedes.)

Customer: “All right, fine. But I’m gonna calculate this myself and if it’s wrong, I’m coming back later and I want a full refund if I’m right.”

Me: *handing his change* “Have a good weekend, sir.”

(He never came back later.)

(One of my first jobs is as a secretary and receptionist. I am angling for a promotion, so I make myself as indispensable to my boss as possible, and I persuade him to allow me to accompany him on a business lunch with our marketing reps. I am talking to my mum about it.)

Me: “I’m pretty excited about this. It’ll be my first business lunch.”

Mum: “Who are you meeting with?”

Me: “Our marketing team: [Employee #1] and [Employee #2].”

Mum: “[Employee #2]? No kidding! I know her! She’s really nice.”

Me: “Cool! Good to know.”

(I go to the lunch and conduct myself with as much poise and professionalism as a 22-year-old is capable of. I am quite nervous, but I pretend that I do this sort of thing every day. I think I’ve done a pretty good job. Later, when talking to my mum again…)

Mum: “How’d the lunch go?”

Me: “Great! I think my boss was impressed. I saw [Employee #2] talking to him afterwards and pointing at me; she was smiling.”

Mum: “That’s probably because I called [Employee #2] beforehand.”

Me: “Uh… You did?”

Mum: “Yes! I told her it was your very first business lunch, and that you were really excited and nervous. I also told her that since you’re just a kid, she should be nice to you.”

Me: “MUM! HOW COULD YOU?!”

Mum: *bewildered* “What? What did I do?”

(Sigh. I love my mum, and I know she only had the best of intentions. I might have gotten that promotion after all, despite or because of Mum’s “help,” but another job opportunity came my way first. I jumped at it.)

(After getting my boyfriend a new phone case, his audio is very quiet.)

Boyfriend: *unintelligible*

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: *more unintelligible stuff*

Me: “What did you say?”

Boyfriend: *louder* “Your name. I said your name.”

Me: “Oh.”

Boyfriend: “Why? What did you hear?”

Me: “It sounded like you said, ‘boar-nuts.’”

Boyfriend: “Boar-nuts, boar-nuts! My beautiful girlfriend, boar-nuts!”

(My name is Laura. I don’t know why I heard boar-nuts, instead.)

(I’m a cashier at a retail chain; this location is inside a mall. One day, a couple of kids, looking around 12 years old, approach my cash register. They hold up a paperclip and explain that they’re trying to replicate the famous “one red paperclip” experiment, in which you start out with a small, low-value object, such as a paperclip, and try to obtain something of much higher value through a series of barters. They ask if there’s anything in the store I can give them in exchange for the paperclip.)

Me: “Um… no, I can’t take a paperclip as payment. I don’t think there’s any store here that will.”

(They thank me and leave. Their speech sounded rehearsed and they didn’t look discouraged in the least, so I assume that they have already tried other stores in the mall and have every intention of trying more. The next customer in line comes to the counter.)

Customer: “Well, that was… bold.”

(I’ve actually always wanted to try this experiment myself, and the original “one red paperclip” experiment is possibly older than those kids are, so I’m rather impressed that they’ve heard of it and that they had the initiative to go for it. I guess they didn’t understand that you trade the items with people, and not stores. I wish I could track them down and find out if their experiment got anywhere!)