Pray They Weren’t Watching Christine

, , , | Related | November 7, 2012

(We gather to watch a horror movie on Halloween. My five-year-old cousin wants to watch.)

Uncle: “All right, you can watch some. But when it gets too scary you’ll have to leave, okay?”

Cousin: “Okay.”

(One minute in, it’s only been showing a spooky looking house. Suddenly, a car horn blares outside in real life.)

Cousin: *emits a bloodcurdling scream and hides among pillows*

Uncle: “Okay, I don’t think you’re watching this anymore.”

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A Thor-tful Child, Part 2

, , , , | Related | July 15, 2012

(I’m watching ‘The Avengers’. Suddenly I see a mother, with a little boy who is dressed in an Iron Man costume and bouncing up the steps and scuttling into his booster seat. I am worried at first that he will be very noisy, but he is probably the most well-behaved little boy I have ever seen at the movies. The movie comes to the part where Loki is being taken to the gigantic holding cell. Suddenly, this little boy has a very important question to ask his mother, one he just couldn’t really keep to himself.)

Boy: “Mommy, is he going into time out?”

(Little fantastic boy in the Iron Man costume, you just made that scene forever funny in my mind.)


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Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

, , | Right | October 4, 2011

(The majority of the customers coming into this shop are from off of the cruise ships and mainly American.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Um, yes…could you tell me where I am?”

Me: “Yup, you’re in Canada.”

Customer: “And where is Canada?”

Me: “Um, well, if you look at a map, it’s that large country on top of your country.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(She looked baffled by this new piece of information and slowly turned around and walked away.)


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Words Jail Me

, , , | Right | August 12, 2011

(I work at a coffee shop in a botanical garden. I am serving a couple that has difficulty speaking English.)

Customer #1: “Also, can we have a kidnap?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer #2: “Can we have a kidnap?”

Me: “You…want me to kidnap you?”

Customer #1: “No! No! I want…a kidnap!”

Customer #2: “You know, kidnap!”

(She forms a square with her fingers.)

Me: “Oh, do you want a napkin?”

Customer #1: “Yes, kidnap!”

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The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | May 31, 2011

(The customer is a middle-aged male, wearing a tweed jacket and thick glasses. He’s buying all of the ‘Twilight’ books.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Yes, unfortunately. I’m really not looking forward to reading these.”

Me: “Oh, why not?”

Customer: “Well, I’m an English professor. Every time I reference low forms of literature, I always use Twilight as the example. Today a student asked if I’ve actually read them, and I had to say no. They demanded that I do.”

(He hung his head in shame.)


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