(The place where I worked has closed down. I cannot find a new job, and I start to be under pressure as my savings are decreasing. I decide to just take whatever, and move on from this point. I spot a Halloween pop-up store looking for staff, so I go in and bring my CV, which I give the manager.)

Manager: “Wow, you worked at [Place, which is much better and somewhat related]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Great! Sounds all good to me. The only thing is I’ll need your cell phone number.”

Me: “I don’t have one anymore. But you have my landline here; I usually stay at home and if anything, I have an answer machine.”

Manager: “No, that won’t do. Give me your cell.”

Me: “I can’t. I don’t have one.”

(I deactivated it, to save money, as I was not using it much, as it is the old times of SMS when we are charged per letter and call per minutes only. I leave on that. One week passes with no news from them. Almost two weeks pass, and I start to think I’ll never get a call, as October is advancing. My friends ask me to go out with them, and stay at their place in the next city over after, which I accept. The next morning, someone calls from my place to say I had a call from that Halloween store and to call them back. I think, “Of course. The only day I’m not here they call me.” I still take the number, thinking I got a work offer and that’ll be given a schedule and all, so I call back from my friend’s phone.)

Me: “Hi. Yes, this is [My Name]. I got a call today about a job?”

Manager: “Yes, I tried to call you to come in this morning, but since you would not answer I called someone else in.”

Me: *surprised* “Oh, I was not expecting that.”

Manager: “Look, just give me your cell phone.”

Me: “As I told you when I gave you my CV, I don’t have a cell phone.”

Manager: “Just give me your cell number.”

Me: *now frustrated that the “no cell” still can’t print in this guy head* “I don’t have one!”

Manager: *disbelieving* “Really? What’s [number I called from], then?”

Me: “My friends line, where I’m calling from, in [City]!”

Manager: *after a long and deep sigh* “Look, do you want to work or not?”

(That’s when I put all the pieces together… the guy is not believing me, at all, when I claim to not own a cellphone. He won’t give a schedule, but rather calls unexpectedly, whenever he feels like he needs extra help, and there’s less than three weeks of work left at best.)

Me: “Really, no. Not for you.” *click*

(For a number of years, our menu was a little backwards; our bacon cheeseburger was the #1 combo and a plain burger was the #3 combo. Some variant of this conversation happened almost daily.)

Customer: “Can I get a #1, please?”

Me: “Okay, one bacon cheeseburger. Anything else today?”

Customer: “No, no, no, the number one.”

Me: “That is the number one.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

(I work in a national chain coffee shop similar to the one with the mermaid logo; we have a rewards app similar to theirs, although neither the app nor our store look the same in concept or design. A customer comes in who has been coming in pretty regularly the past couple of weeks. The first time I saw her, she recognized my boss and had a lengthy conversation with him, so it’s somewhat fair to assume she’s not unfamiliar with our cafe.)

Customer: *pulling out her phone to show me* “I have a free drink with you guys.”

Me: *instantly realizing it isn’t our application* “Um, I’m not sure that that’s our app.”

Customer: *condescendingly* “Yes, it issss!”

Me: “Are you sure? Would you mind taking it to the home page or something really quickly so I could verify?”

(The customer proceeds to exit out of the app, and I see on her screen she has the app for our competitor, which is what she presses on.)

Me: “Yeah, that’s not for this store.”

Customer: *in the same tone as before* “Yes, it issss!”

Me: “Uh, no, this is for [Competitor]. You’re at [My Cafe].”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “Right, so, it doesn’t work here.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Um… Because it’s for [Competitor]. Again, we’re [My Cafe]. It doesn’t apply here.”

Customer: “Well, why not?!”

Me: *completely baffled that she hasn’t understood* “Because that’s the application for [Competitor] and it does not work here, because we are [My Cafe].”

Customer: “I don’t understand the difference!”

Me: “It’s for [Competitor], which is not our company. We are a totally separate company, completely unaffiliated with them, and we have a totally different application. Again, that’s for [Competitor], and that’s why we can’t accept it.”

Customer: “Oh! This isn’t [Competitor]?”

(She left after this. I’m still confused how she knew my boss so well and had been coming fairly consistently, yet didn’t realize this entire time that we were a totally different company. Our logos, design, concept, menu, and even colour scheme are completely different. Sadly, this is pretty common!)

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a large tea, with three milk and three sugars?”

Me: “Sure, anything else?”

Customer: “No, thank you. But can you make sure the tea is hot this time? Last time I got this tea here, it was cold.”

Me: “Oh, no! Sorry about that! Sure thing.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

Me: *to coworker making drinks* “He said he wants it hot… Apparently last time it was cold.”

Coworker: “I wish people understood that, if you fill it almost halfway with milk, of course it’s going to cool down right away.”

(One of the doors to the store is scraping the floor up, so until we can get it repaired we lock it. It is a double door, so the other side is still usable. We put a sign on the door to please use the other door. A customer comes rushing up to the broken door and slams into it, falling onto her back. I rush to the door to see if she is okay; she stands up and laughs a bit, making a joke about how clumsy she is.)

Me: “Okay, but if you need anything, please let me know.”

(She goes down to the back and gets a carton of eggs after looking around a bit. She comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “What does ‘free-range’ mean?”

(The carton says, “free-range eggs,” so I explain it means that the hens were not put in cages and were allowed to walk around. She smiles really wide and gets really excited, and then asks:)

Customer: “Do you think that the farmers play music for them?”

(I have no idea what to say, but she seems so happy about it I just say:)

Me: “I… am sure they are nice and maybe sometimes they play the hens music.”

(She seems even happier with this.)

Customer: “Do you know the farmer’s name?”

Me: “I am afraid not… They get delivered by a guy named [Delivery Guy] if that helps?”

(She then pays for her eggs and leaves, saying:)

Customer: “Thank you for the free-range, musical eggs from Farmer [Delivery Guy]!”

(I just sort of waved and wondered what the h*** had just happened.)