Death Is Foolish

, , , | Learning | October 20, 2017

(I am in an Introduction to English Literature class, and there are varying types of students taking it. There are those that actually enjoy the content and those that are there just to get the English credit. We are discussing Shakespeare’s play, ‘Hamlet,’ and have to answer questions on what happens. If you pay attention in class or even go on Sparknotes, you can figure out what’s going on and the questions are super easy. Despite this, my professor still receives some weird answers, one of which he decides to share with the class.)

Professor: *reading off response* “’…but Hamlet escapes and leaves them looking foolish.’ Well, no, actually, if you recall, he left them looking rather dead.”

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This Is Why You’re Pen-sive

, , | Right | October 20, 2017

(Where I work requires someone to sign a paper copy of a receipt when they do a return. A rather odd gentleman has just returned something, and I finish processing everything and hand him my pen to sign the slip.)

Customer: “Hmm, nice pen.”

Me: “Yeah, it writes nice; it’s one of my favourites.”

Customer: “Guess you’ll want it then.”

Me: “Uh… Yes. I’d like to keep my pen.” *holds my hand out for him to reluctantly hand it back*

Customer: *noticing another pen on my till that has the company logo on it* “What about that one?”

Me: “Um. Sure, I guess you can have that one this time.”

Customer: *snatches pen off the counter and stuffs it in his pocket* “Next time it’ll be that nice one.” *turns on his heel and walks out the door*

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Manufacturers’ Suggested Retail Conspiracy

, , , | Right | October 20, 2017

(I’m working at an appliance store and get this call:)

Customer: “Hey, do you carry the trim kit for these microwaves?”

Me: “Yes, sir, do you know which one you need?”

Customer: *gives the model number*

Me: “Yes, we have that one in stock for [price].”

Customer: “What?! That’s the price everyone is selling it at. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!

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Will Be Rattling Around For A While Longer

, , , , | Related | October 19, 2017

(I’m visiting my mom, who’s just dug out some old stuff from the basement. She comes into the room and shows me an old, dented metal rattle.)

Mom: “Oh, look, it’s your old baby rattle!”

Me: “Really?”

Mom: “Yeah. It was mine, too!”

Me: “Cool! Oh, and it’s silver, so–“

Mom: “You could sell it for a bit?”

Me: “What? No! Silver is naturally antiseptic, so it’s good to give to babies. You really think I’d sell it?!”

Mom: “Well, I don’t know…”

(I have few things like that from my childhood, and passing them onto my children or niblings is worth infinitely more than whatever paltry sum I’d be able to sell them for!)

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Rated “M” For Misogyny

, , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I go with my brother and my mom to buy a game that recently came out. I am 17. The cashier gives the usual “did you find everything” speech. While this is happening, my brother is looking at other games, and I’m with my mom.)

Cashier: *to my mom* “Also, ma’am, I just need to tell you about the rating of this game. I don’t think it’s suitable for your son.”

Mom: “Actually, this game is for my daughter.”

(The cashier was quiet through the rest of the transaction.)

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