(It is a busy night, and I have a long line of customers. A man wants to exchange a hat he has bought, for a t-shirt. He does not have his receipt.)

Me: “I will need to see photo ID for the no-receipt exchange.”

Customer: “I don’t have it on me. Why? That’s so ridiculous.”

Me: I’m sorry, but it’s just company policy.”

(The man’s wife, who has said nothing the entire time, produces her driver’s licence for me so that I can process their transaction.)

Customer: “You can go on the cameras and see that I didn’t grab it off the shelf!”

Me: “I believe you, but it’s just part of my job. It’s policy.”

(I have to look up the return price in the computer system for his hat, since there is no receipt for proof of purchase. The return price is the last sale price within the past 60 days.)

Me: “So, because you don’t have a receipt, I have to give you the return price for the hat. It’s the last sale price from the last sixty days. The return price is $22.49, which is only about $8 less than the actual price.”

Customer: “But the tag clearly says it’s $30! Just give me $30 back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but unfortunately, because you don’t have proof of purchase, I can’t. I don’t know if you bought the hat for $30, or if you bought it on sale, or if it was even more than $30. So I have to use the last sale price.”

Customer: “But I KNOW that I paid $30!”

Me: *trying to be as calm as possible* “I’m sorry, but I can’t just go based on what you think you paid for it. I have to give you the return price. Again, it’s just policy.”

(The man proceeds to throw the hat at me across the cash desk, to which I give him a warning look of disapproval. By now, I am losing my patience, but I am trying to stay calm in the hopes that it will diffuse the situation.)

Customer: “This is f****** bull-s***!”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

(I call for my manager because, at this point, I have had enough. The other customers are in disbelief at the man’s language. I suspend his transaction and wait for my manager to come to help.)

Customer: “Why are you not ringing me through? I just want an exchange!”

Me: “I will not ring you through. My manager will be happy to help you, but I am not.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Because I do NOT appreciate you swearing at me and disrespecting me when I am trying to help you. So now you can either wait for my manager to help you, or you can leave.”

Customer: “This is bull! I’m going back to [Other Store Location] because they never mentioned this. They will help me, unlike you, you worthless, good-for-nothing!”

(The man decides to leave, and as he does so, he decides to continue to swear at me about how I didn’t want to help him. The other customers told me that it was good to see me stand up for myself and that it was unfair that I was treated like that. My manager, who was with a customer, finally comes up, and my customers and I fill him in about the situation.)

Manager: “That just goes to show you: if you disrespect those who are trying to help you, they won’t!”

(I recently moved five hours away from home to start a new job after graduating university. My mom is planning on visiting me in a couple of weeks and has excitedly made a list of city attractions she wants to see with me while she is here. We are talking to each other on the phone.)

Mom: “There are so many things I want us to see and do when I visit! I’ve found a few brochures with different activities and have started making a list of everything we can do. I’m going to go get the list; I’ll be right back!”

(She sets the phone down for a moment while going to get her list and returns a minute later. She starts talking again, but mumbling and sounding far away. Note that she is home alone, so I know that she is not talking to anyone else.)

Me: “Sorry, what did you say? I can’t hear you properly; I think something’s wrong with the connection.”

(She just continues talking as if she hasn’t heard me. Her talking is still distant and I can’t make out what she is saying at all. This continues in the same fashion for about three minutes, with me trying to tell her that I can’t hear what she is saying and her continuing to mumble distantly non-stop. I eventually give up, hang up the phone, and try to call back. I get a busy signal, which shows she likely hasn’t hung up the phone from our conversation yet. I call back several times in the next few minutes, only to hear the busy signal each time. Eventually I just give up and wait for her to call me. Five minutes later, the phone rings.)

Mom: *laughing* “You are never going to let me live down what I just did.”

Me: “What happened? I couldn’t hear anything you were saying.”

Mom: “When I got back with my list I sat down, picked up the phone, and started talking again. Eventually when you weren’t replying, I looked down to see the phone on the coffee table still. I had been talking into the TV remote, instead!”

(She had managed to talk into the TV remote instead of the phone for about eight minutes before figuring out her mistake. I’m still not sure how she managed to talk for that long before realizing she couldn’t hear me talking to her at all! She did come visit a couple of weeks later, and we had a great time and got to do most of the stuff from her brochures.)

(Our grocery store gives away free cookies to small children. I’ve tried to teach my children to always ask politely, and remember their thank-yous. However, my three-year-old son has figured out a more efficient way of acquiring cookies.)

Son: “Hello! I think you’re very pretty!”

Cashier: “What a nice boy! Here: have a cookie! Have two!”

Son: “Thank you! I love you!”

(Overheard between a customer and her approximately ten-year-old child:)

Child: “Mom, can we get some Nerds?”

Customer: “You are a nerd, my love.”

(She let him get the Nerds.)

(As with most retail jobs, I have a few questions I have to ask each customer as I’m cashing them out. Some variation of this happens a few times per day.)

Me: “So, with your purchase today, you can get any of—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “I don’t want any; just let me pay.”

Me: “Okay but—”

Customer: “Just let me pay!” *forcibly inserts chip card into reader before it’s active*

Me: *cashes them out*

Customer: “Wait, what’s this $4.98 thing?”

Me: “It’s our purchase with purchase. With a purchase, you can get these items for $4.98 instead of their original listed prices.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me about that?”

Me: “You said you weren’t interested.”

Customer: “Well, can I still get the deal?”

(Ah, yes, thank you for ignorantly dragging down my units per transaction and average sale amount, while also destroying percentage stats for every employee working that day and slowing down the line-up. I really want to do you a favour right now.)