Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t do returns at this company.”

Customer: “Since when?!”

Me: “Well, I’ve been here for five years and I know we haven’t done returns in that time.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that anywhere; I wasn’t informed of this so I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says right here on the receipt that we don’t do refunds, but I’ll be happy to put it on a gift card for you.”

Customer: “I wasn’t aware you don’t do refunds; therefore, I want my money back. I didn’t see that on the receipt.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we tell all our customers our policy during the transaction. It also says it here and here.” *points to a large sign on the wall and a sign on the cash desk*

Customer: “This is all new to me. I still want my money back. I paid cash for this and that is what I want back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but there isn’t even an option for us to do that. We can put the amount you paid onto a gift card for this store, and that total will never expire.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager of this location, but I can definitely call another manager who has been here since day one, if that is what you want.”

(After speaking on the phone to the other manager, I then passed the phone to the customer. She was very calm and sweet on the phone. Then, she passed the phone back, grabbed her merchandise, and exited the store, never to be seen again. I’ll never understand why customers think that they can just change rules whenever they want. I don’t make them up; I only enforce them.)

(I work in a pool that is in a very interesting downtown area. For some reason, that means we have a lot of people try to go swimming in their underwear. This is the exchange I have with a man who is headed towards the hot tub, clearly in grey boxer shorts.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you need to wear proper swimwear to enter the pool.”

Customer: “I’m just going into the hot tub.”

Me: “…which is a pool, just smaller. I’m sorry, sir, but it is a health and safety policy.”

Customer: “Are you serious? Why does it matter?”

Me: “Sir, bathing suits are more hygienic and are made to withstand the chemicals in the pool. Underwear is not.”

Customer: “Argh, fine!” *storms off*

(Less than five minutes later, he returns in swim trunks.)

Customer: “Okay?”

Me: *confused* “Yes, go ahead.”

(Why did he try to go in boxers if he had swim trunks all along?)

(I work at a pool that has a pretty low-enrolment swim program, since we work in an inner city. Since it’s not too busy, there are no guards during this time as they are in the water with the kids. This rule is advertised everywhere and patrons are made aware when they enter the building. For some reason, this customer, who purposefully wears his swim trunks low, starts coming in to try and use the hot tub during instructional times. He used to come on Saturday mornings before lessons started, so it wasn’t an issue — other than his low swim trunks — but I guess his schedule changes and he starts to try during times it isn’t open to the public. This is the usual exchange we have:)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the hot tub is not open to the public due to swimming lessons.”

Customer: “It’s not working?”

Me: “No, it’s working, but the pool is closed to the public during swim times.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just going to lie in there for two minutes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t. We have no guards to watch you because we are teaching children swim lessons at this time, which is why the pool is closed to the public. You can come back at 7:00 pm and the pool will be open to the public again.”

Customer: “Ah! Only for little kids?”

Me: “Yes, only lessons at this time.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll come back.”

(Even though this happens more than once, I don’t mind because he is usually quite polite. This changes when he shows up during lessons dressed to go into the pool, but leading a small child towards the lessons. I am very confused because I have checked and there are no new registrations, and he has come in almost twenty minutes past start time.)

Me: “Hi there, welcome to lessons. I’m sorry, I have to ask, did you register at the front? I can’t find a record.”

Customer: “Oh, no, not yet, but I am after a lesson.”

(We have rolling registration so this happens a lot.)

Me: “No problem. It’s just that we usually start at five and it’s encouraged that new swimmers come early so we can assess them. Luckily, my usual lesson hasn’t shown up, so I can take this guy and give him a quick one on one.”

Customer: *smiling* “Perfect.”

Me: *turns to kid* “Hi, buddy, how old are you?”

(The kid smiles but doesn’t respond, so the man answers this and the other questions. The kid has been in the water before but can’t swim on his own.)

Me: “All right, I’ll just get him started with some easy stuff. We end at 5:40 pm, so you can come and get him, then.”

Customer: “Great!”

(As I go to take the kid in the water, I realize the man is heading towards the hot tub.)

Me: “Oh, sir, sorry, the hot tub is closed to the public.”

Customer: “Yes, for kids.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And my kid is right there.”

Me: “No, you see, the reason we are closed is that there is only us watching the kids. We can’t be in the water teaching and guard the hot tub at the same time; it wouldn’t be safe. That’s why only those in lessons are in the water at this time.”

Customer: “So I can’t go in?”

Me: “Not now, sir, sorry. You can return at—“

Customer: *storms down the deck and grabs his child* “What is the point of keeping it f****** closed? If I bring a f****** child, I SHOULD GET THE HOT TUB!”

(He then stormed into the changing room with the child, and I radioed someone in charge to check up on the situation. To this day, I don’t know if that child was actually his kid or if he used that child for the sole purpose of a few minutes of hot tub time.)

(A customer tells me she wants to get rid of her change, so she pays in mostly loonies, quarters, and a few dimes. I type in the change and scoop some up to put in the register.)

Me: “Okay, so—“

Customer: “Oh, I want to keep that.” *puts a dime I didn’t pick up back into her wallet*

Me: “Oh, wait. If you take that back you won’t have enough to pay and my till will be off.”

Customer: “But I want the dime.”

Me: “But you technically already gave it to me.”

Customer: “I. Want. The. Dime. Back. I didn’t mean to give it to you.”

Me: “Okay, do you have money you can give me in exchange for that? You haven’t fully paid yet if you take back the dime.”

Customer: “I. WANT. THE. DIME. BACK! [STORE] IS STEALING MONEY FROM CUSTOMERS! NO ONE BUY HERE!”

(It was one of my first days on the job and my manager was MIA so I just let her leave since being ten cents short wasn’t such a big deal.)

(I am working at a popular coffee chain, and it is my turn to sweep the parking lot and pick up cigarette butts. A large truck pulls into the lot and stops in the parking space next to where I am working. The driver looks at me, cracks a smile as if he just thought of the best joke in the world, and dumps his ENTIRE car ashtray onto the ground.)

Man: “You missed a spot.”