On our first visit to Canada, my partner and I overnighted at a small hotel. The next morning, we woke up and found a breakfast restaurant nearby. I ordered bacon and eggs.
What came was eggs with “ham.” Now, I don’t mind ham, but it’s not what I ordered.
I was just this close to calling the server over when it dawned on me.
Me: “You’re in Canada, you goof! This is bacon here!”
We got a good laugh from it, and I enjoyed my breakfast.
My parents are from Nova Scotia and have a particular thing about Nova Scotia blueberries. In the early 2000s, my family moved to the US, but we still frequently travelled across the border to visit family and, of course, buy blueberries. This happened during one of the border crossings, and it’s one of our favorite stories to share at family gatherings.
My father and my sister were in the car and pulled up to the US border guard post. He went through the usual questions — Where are you from? Where are you going? How long were you gone? Etc. — and then got to the good stuff.
Guard: “Are you bringing anything back with you?”
Dad: “Yeah, we have about twenty pounds of frozen blueberries in the trunk.”
Guard: “Any fruits and vegetables?”
Dad: “Nope!”
The guard waved them through without a second thought, and my sister burst out laughing as soon as the windows were up. My dad was confused until he realized what had actually been said, and then HE started laughing so hard they had to pull over for a bit. Who knew that blueberries weren’t fruit?!
This took place back at the end of the eighties. (The 1980s, that is; I’m not THAT old.)
I was a technical service representative for a copier company that actually invented the xerographic process. Our team was comprised of sixteen people covering a large area, so most of us were “out of town” from the area office.
We were in an all-hands team meeting. The team leader was well into his presentation when the receptionist knocked on the door.
Receptionist: “Sorry to interrupt you, but there’s someone at the front desk asking to see you, and he says that it’s very important.”
Leader: “Who is it?”
Receptionist: “Never seen him before, and he won’t tell me his name. He says he’ll only speak to the… most important person in the office.”
The leader assistant got up.
Leader Assistant: *With a smile* “Go on, [Leader]. I’ll see what’s up… on your behalf.”
He was gone for a few minutes. He walked back in, smiling hard, obviously repressing a laugh, and took back his place, not wanting to interrupt the leader. But [Leader] stopped anyway, like all of us, puzzled by it.
Leader: “So?”
Leader Assistant: “Oh, just some weird-looking guy who said that he had found a way to print in white on any colored paper. He wanted to tell me his discovery and make sure we put his name down so he would be credited for it when we will eventually market the idea, telling everyone he was the first to think of it.”
Leader: “What was his idea?”
Leader Assistant: “To reverse the voltage of the process. That would create white text instead of black text.”
We all laughed. Apparently, that guy had never researched how the process worked; toner (dry ink) does the actual “printing”.
Tech #1: “What did you say to him?”
Leader Assistant: “I didn’t have time to waste to explain how the xerographic process works, so I took his name and information and told him that if we ever go on with that idea, I’ll let him know and he’ll have full credit. [Receptionist] had to turn away so as not to laugh in his face.”
Tech #2: “And you threw his information in the trashcan as soon as he left?”
Leader Assistant: “Oh, no, I have it right here in my pocket. I want to put it down on our ‘do not hire’ list.”
I help another teacher run a program for seniors learning English. By this point, I’ve been helping for five years, so I can run classes by myself. The other teacher still prepares all the course materials, since I’m not formally trained. The teacher isn’t good with modern technology.
The day before a class, the teacher says she’s double-booked. I need to take over the class. That’s fine. I get the email with the day’s class materials in the afternoon — or most of them.
Me: “The main resource for your class is behind a paywall.”
Teacher: “I sent it to you!”
Me: “You sent me the link to the information page. I need the lesson plan document.”
Teacher: “Oh, right.”
The lesson is designed to work in person. On the morning of class, I get this email from the program manager.
Manager: “Our building’s air conditioning is not working. You should have your classes online. I’ll set up our online conference call.”
Me: “Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll rework the class materials for the new format.”
The students are on different devices; some are on phones, while others are on computers, and a few are on tablets. We take a quarter of the class time dealing with tech issues. Then, I start the class by having them look at a row of six images.
Student #1: “I can only see three pictures.”
Student #2: “I can see all six.”
Student #3: “They’re too small. Can you zoom in?”
I slide the screen around.
Me: “I physically can’t zoom it in more.”
It turned out that the conference call program only showed the top left corner of my screen to everybody, which completely broke the flow of the lesson plan. I struggled through the parts of the lesson that still worked. In the end, I only got through half of the material.
The screen sizing problem probably existed in 2020, as well. Nobody thought to tell me.
I am working as a cashier in a drug store/pharmacy when two guys in their twenties walk up. They each have only one item, but they put their items down on the counter at the same time, right next to each other. They chat a bit, clearly friends, while I take the first item and scan and demagnetize it so it won’t set off the anti-theft scanner.
Out of habit, I ask if they are paying together or separately for their purchases since they both have their wallets out, ready to pay. They both laugh awkwardly, and then I realize they are both buying identical boxes of condoms.
Guy #1: “Paying separately, please. I don’t like him that much.”
