AdSense Versus No Sense

, , , , , , , | Working | March 13, 2018

A couple years ago, I was tasked with buying advertising space through Google to promote our company’s video-on-demand service. However, after a few days, our ads were suspended, because we had to submit proof that we had the rights to use some intellectual property that belonged to movie studios; our ads featured lots of popular film characters. I told my boss what happened, and suggested we go ahead and get in touch with our contacts at the studios as soon as we could to obtain written proof that we could use the characters, My boss was having none of it. The way he saw it, Google was screwing us over, and my job was to get them to immediately reverse their policy-based decision and run our ads.

Unsurprisingly, I was not successful in doing so, although I had a very productive call with Google. They gave me further information and guidelines about their policy, and told me how to get the situation sorted out as quickly as possible. I told my boss about it, but he said that surely I wasn’t insistent enough, and called me into his office to show me “how it’s done.”

Cue the most cringe-worthy moment of my life, during which I sat in front of my boss while he called the reception desk at Google headquarters and (unsuccessfully) harassed the receptionist for 20 minutes, asking to be put through to Larry Page. When he finally gave up, he just told me to do whatever it takes to get the ads up and running as soon as possible, at which point I just followed Google’s guidelines as instructed. Wouldn’t you know it, the ads were up and running less than a day later.

This was one of many crazy things that happened at that company during the time I worked there. They were a very small outfit, yet they always expected to be treated like one of the giants out there — and spent money they didn’t have, accordingly. I smelled disaster coming and quit just a few months after this, and they went bankrupt less than a year later.

Some Customers Make You Just Want To Dye

, , , | Right | March 13, 2018

(I have naturally straight, platinum blonde hair. People can often tell it is natural because my skin is fair and I have blonde eyebrows, too. I do get asked about it fairly often, but the majority of people know it is natural, or if they don’t know they just say they have never seen natural hair that colour before. I am standing at the cash register, and a small middle-aged woman comes up to the counter with her merchandise.)

Me: “Hello! Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: *looking at the top of my head* “What number is that?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “What number is your hair?”

Me: “I am sorry; I honestly don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: “Your hair. What dye number do you use to get it that colour? And what straightener do you use?”

Me: “Oh! I actually don’t dye or straighten my hair; it’s all natural! So, your total is $19.75.” *I smile at her politely*

Customer: *suddenly leans forward over the counter and squints, peering at the top of my head* ” HA! Nope.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *with a dead serious expression* “Nope. I don’t believe you. There is no way that is your real colour. I can’t quite see your roots though so you obviously used a good dye.”

Me: *getting uncomfortable* “Uh… Well, it is real and I don’t dye it, but yeah, I guess it is really light. A lot of people can’t believe it is natura—”

Customer: *leans even more forward and quickly reaches out and taps the top of my head with two fingers* “NO way. That is dyed for sure. Good try, but I can tell you’re lying. You can’t fool me!”

(I step back abruptly, unable to hide the shock and annoyance from my face.)

Me: “You don’t have to believe me, but it is my actual, natural colour.” *I keep eye contact with her to see if she will say more; the polite smile on my face has transformed into more of a snarl* “Your total is $19.75.”

(The customer pays without saying anything else, but looks at me as she’s walking out the door and shakes her head. I just glare-smile back at her, still in a shock that I just got tapped on the head by a complete stranger! A little less than a week later she comes back in. She comes up to me at the cash register with her merchandise and again her eyes immediately shoot up to my roots. I ignore her this time, pretending I have not met her before, and quietly scan her items. I am just about to say her total when she blurts out:)

Customer: “I guess you are telling the truth, because your hair is not fried, and you have no dark roots; you should have some showing after this many days, unless you got your roots treated. But I don’t believe that your hair is straight. It just can’t be.” *just stares at me*

(I square my shoulders, look her straight in the eyes, and say:)

Me: “Okay, your total is $15.63.”

(She kind of stared back at me in shock for a few seconds. Maybe she realized how rude she was being by picking apart my appearance, or she thought she was talking to the wrong person because her face turned bright red, she quickly did her transaction, then she thanked me and left. I have not seen her in our store ever since.)

Unfiltered Story #107255

, , , | Unfiltered | March 13, 2018

About every month or so I go and get takeout from the same restaurant. My order is a bit complicated but I am always friendly and I have no problem waiting longer because of that. I have offered multiple times to pay for the extra sauces I ask for (an offer they have rejected every time because it apparently is not cooperate policy to charge for them).

Everyone always seems very happy to see me, except for this one manger. He will also constantly only half fill the small sauce containers I request. The last time, however, he filled my sauce almost the whole way and didn’t glare at me once, though he still didn’t smile. I think my friendliness might be growing on him, kind of like fungus!

Slick Parenting

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(We sell a certain brand of collectible stuffed animals that are very popular with kids. It’s a very common occurrence to see kids asking their parents for these. A dad and his little girl come to the cash with one of the stuffed animals, and the girl is very excited.)

Me: “Good choice! He’s one of my favorites!”

Girl: “What’s his name?

(They come with names printed in the tags.)

Me: “Slick.”

Girl: “Slick. He’s so cute! Slick, Slick, Slick.” *matter of fact* “It’s a good thing we can use the credit card. You should always keep your credit card on you, in case you need it to buy things!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “That’s… very good advice.”

Dad: “Especially when you have children.”

(I couldn’t stop laughing after that; they made my day!)

Absent-Mindedly Kidnapped

, , , | Learning | March 12, 2018

(I am a student at an adult learning centre, which is basically high school for adults. Unlike traditional high school, this school’s attendance policy is very strict, and one of my teachers is explaining this to the class.)

Teacher: “Here at [School], you are only allowed up to three absences without notice. If you miss more than three days without prior notice, you will be automatically withdrawn from my class. If you know you will be missing a class on a test day, you need to arrange an alternate test day with me.”

Me: “What if there are extenuating circumstances where I have to miss more than three days, including test dates, but I’m unable to give you any prior notice?”

Teacher: “In what circumstance could that ever be possible?”

Me: “Well, what if I got kidnapped? Even if my abductor gives me a phone call, I don’t think I would use it on school.”

Teacher: “Oh, that won’t be a problem. I’ll probably see you on the news, and I will accept that as notice.”

(It was foolish of me to challenge her wit. Many teachers handle bratty kids just fine, so a smart-mouthed adult is probably nothing in comparison.)

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