Pepper-no-meat

, , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

(I work in a popular grocery store in Canada that also sells hot foods, and I’m working the pizza counter.)

Me: “Hello, were you wanting to grab a slice?”

Customer: “Yes, that vegetarian slice.”

(I grab the vegetarian slice and go to put it in the oven to heat it up.)

Customer: “NO! NO! I wanted that vegetarian slice!”

(He points to the slice of pepperoni.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I thought you wanted a veggie slice. I’ll just switch.”

(He starts to interrupt me.)

Customer: “That is a vegetarian slice.”

(I am almost unsure how to reply, thinking he is joking.)

Me: “Haha, no, it’s pepperoni, sir. That is a type of meat!”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. 100% sure.”

Customer: “Give me the f****** other slice, then. I’ve always had that other type of pizza, and I have been a vegetarian for five years!”

(A customer standing behind him starts to laugh and says:)

Customer #2: “Obviously, you weren’t a vegetarian, dumba**.”

(I had a good laugh with my coworkers afterwards. Funny thing is, this happens more frequently than you would think! Learn the difference between meat and vegetables if you’re a vegetarian!)

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A New Way Of Teaching Remotely

, , , , , | Learning | November 29, 2017

(I am in a project management course and my teacher is just setting up her microphone after a quiz, so we are about halfway through a course.)

Teacher: “Can you hear me on the speakers or just my voice?”

Class: “Just your voice.”

(She continues fiddling with the wireless mic pack. A student from another class walks in.)

Student: “Sorry, but we can hear you in the room next door on our speakers.”

(The class plus teacher laughs.)

Teacher: *shuts off mic* “Sorry about that. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, it was a classroom on the seventh floor. They only reason they figured out who it was was my accent. I happened to speak to that professor that day, and he knew who was talking based on my accent. He even thanked me for teaching his class for him.”

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When Inflation Overtakes Aging

, , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

(It’s probably about minus 30 outside at the full-service gas station. I fill a very elderly lady’s vehicle, clean all the windows, and clean the lights. She comes out and gives me a tip.)

Customer: “Here you are, dear. Go buy yourself a coffee.”

(I looked down to see she gave me a quarter and a dime. The smallest coffee is still a dollar twenty five. She must have been pushing 90, so I didn’t think anything of it. She was very sweet, otherwise.)

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Not In The Spirit Of The Phonetic Alphabet

, , , , , | Related | November 29, 2017

Not (My aunt works as a 911 dispatcher and owns a dog named Charlie.)

Mom: “Hey, [Aunt], what’s your Wi-Fi password?”

Aunt: “Hold on; I have it written down here somewhere… Okay, it’s 123, ‘Charlie,’ 456, ‘Whiskey.'”

Mom: “No, it says that’s incorrect. You said, ‘[repeats back password]’?”

Aunt: “Yeah, it should work… Wait, are you typing ‘Charlie’ and ‘Whiskey’ in as words?!”

Mom: “Well, yes!”

Aunt: “Oh, I was using the phonetic alphabet! It’s 123C456W!”

Mom: “‘Charlie,’ I didn’t question, but I didn’t think whiskey was so important to you!”

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Renting That Basement In Two

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 28, 2017

(A former friend and roommate of mine has weird logic. She lies about events that took place, and completely alters what actually happened. This is what happens one of the last times I speak with her. We aren’t living with each other anymore when this takes place:)

Friend: *beaming with excitement* “[Boyfriend] and I are going to be living with each other this year.”

Me: “Awesome! Makes sense, since he practically moved in with us last year when you started dating.”

Friend: “Yeah, and we found a place super close to where you live. We’re going to be almost neighbours.”

Me: “Awesome! Where?”

Friend: “This fixer upper on [Street]. The rent in that area can go up to $500 a month, but we only have to pay $300 a month since they are undergoing renovations.”

Me: “That’s a bargain! Do you two have the place to yourself?”

Friend: “No, we will have to share it with three other roommates. However, we have the basement area, so we kind of have our own place.”

(This is when I start to get somewhat suspicious, because the houses on the street she listed usually only house up to four people. I’ve lived in that area, and landlords are very strict about that.)

Me: “So, there are going to be five of you under one roof?”

Friend: “Yup. It might be a bit cramped, but we all work and have school, so I don’t think it’ll be too big a deal.”

Me: “That’s cool that you found a place that was willing to have more than four people. I guess they want all the money they can get for the renovation, and $600 is better than none.”

Friend: “Oh, no; it’s $300.”

Me: “Oh, I meant your rent combined with [Boyfriend]’s.”

Friend: “Oh, no. We’re only paying $300 for both of us.”

Me: “Woah, really? How did you manage that?”

Friend: “Well… Here is the thing. Technically, the landlords only know that I’m living there. I went through everything to secure the room, so the lease is in my name only. [Boyfriend] and I are going to split the rent they gave to me, and he and I get to live somewhere at an amazing discount.”

(She says this whole story with such glee, as if it is the best plan ever. I can only look at her in shock.)

Me: “Um, do your other roommates know about it?”

Friend: “No, I haven’t met them yet. Why?”

Me: “How do you know they will be okay with that?”

Friend: “Oh, we’re not going to tell them. [Boyfriend] works and goes to school. So, when he’s gone they’ll think he’s at his place and won’t know any better. They’ll just think he sleeps over a lot.”

Me: “Not to be a Pessimistic Penny, but are you sure it’ll work out so well? I mean, you could get evicted.”

Friend: “Oh, it’ll be fine; don’t worry. People do it all the time here and never get in trouble. As long as we lay low and follow the other rules, like no smoking and no pets, the landlords will have no reason to suspect us.”

(I wanted to prod more, but just eventually gave up and tried to hope for the best for them. A month and a half after they moved in, my friend called me and told me to come over because she had a surprise. What was the surprise? The new puppy they bought. Unsurprisingly, they ended up moving out half way through the year, claiming that the landlord lied about the extent of the renovation and that the house was impossible to live in. Pretty sure they were kicked out.)

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