From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 6

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2014

(I work at a hockey stadium ticket booth. A customer is using the ‘F’ word a ridiculous amount of times. Everyone is getting tired of this guy, but none faster than the six-year-old girl behind him in line.)

Little Girl:  “My mom says if ya can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”

Crowd: *various sounds of agreement and thanks that she said what they felt they couldn’t*

Customer: “Well, your mom must be a [10-second string of words and phrases that should NEVER be spoken to a child, EVER].”

Little Girl:  *crinkles her face up* “If you followed that rule you’d never talk again!”

(The crowd laughed loudly at the remark, and the foul-mouthed customer and his friend were shamed out of line. I comped half her father’s order.)

 

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Terminate This Purchase

, , , , , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | December 23, 2013

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Absolutely.”

(I realize the customer is buying three things. A pack of water pistols, lighter fluid, and matches.)

Me: “Um… This is an interesting purchase.”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s a wasp infestation in my garage. Figured this is easier than an exterminator.”

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Baby On Board (The Bus)

, , , , | Halifax, NS, Canada | Right | December 6, 2013

(I am 27 weeks pregnant and starting to have contractions. I am on the bus on my way to the hospital. The driver is aware of this. I pull the buzzer to get off the bus and start walking to the door.)

Driver: *to me* “You sit back down!” *to the rest of the bus* “Is anyone going to need any of the next four stops? Because if so, I suggest you get off now, as we are detouring!”

(The driver then takes us directly to the hospital. He stops the bus, gets out of his seat, walks me down the steps, and into the hospital! The next day I am still in the hospital. I call up the transit office.)

Me: “Hi, yes. I was on bus [number] yesterday evening and the driver detoured from his route for me. I just wanted to make sure he is not in trouble. Because of him, they were able to save the life of my unborn son!”

Transit Employee: “No worries, miss. We only got one complaint from a passenger. The driver called us as soon as he got back with everyone on the bus. He has been given a commendation for his actions yesterday. Thank you for calling, and take care!”

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A Sunny Disposition Vs. Unyielding Opposition

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, [MY NAME], why the f*** isn’t my TV working?”

Me: “I have no idea. Let’s get a look at you account and see. Account number or phone number, please?”

Caller: *gives info* “Took long enough to get through. I waited here for over an hour!”

Me: “Thanks for the account info. Sorry about the long waits; we had some challenges earlier with certain equipment. Can you tell me what is happening on the screen of your TV when your PVR is on?”

Caller: “Wait, are you qualified for this?”

Me: “Yes, I am absolutely trained and ready to help out with your issue. It is actually a pretty easy fix, likely.”

Caller: “Are you sure you don’t need to transfer me to Tech?”

Me: “No, I am Tech.”

Caller: “A chick tech? Well, okay, but I hate wasting my time with people like you. It’s frozen… some grey and blue boxes.”

Me: “Thanks for the info. It is an easy fix like I suspected. Can you please disconnect the power cord from the PVR for about 15 seconds, and then plug it back in?”

Caller: “I’ve already done that a couple times, you know, because I’m not an idiot!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, let’s try it again. Let me know when it is unplugged and I’ll check some things on my end while it is unplugged.”

Caller: “Seriously?” *sighs* “Okay. It’s unplugged.”

(I check his connection, and notice he’s still online.)

Me: “Oh, that’s weird. It seems like it is still online on my end. Are all of the lights off of the front of the box?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Oh, then it seems like you probably accidentally pulled the HDMI cord, not the power. Pull the power at the very right hand edge.”

(At this, I see the box go off.)

Me: “Awesome, thanks! Plug it back in now and let me know when the time shows.”

Caller: “Okay, the time is showing.”

Me: “Great! Let’s power it back on and see if everything is working. It all looks good on my end.”

Caller: “Yeah, it seems to be working.”

Me: “Awesome! Anything else I can help with tonight?”

Caller: “God, I f***ing hate when you you people say that! There are lots of things in my life I need help with, you stupid b****!”

Me: “Are any of those things issues with your cable or Internet service?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Then I guess I’ve done my job! Thanks!” *click*

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Her Chances Of A Place Are Spoiled

, , , , , , | | Right | October 22, 2013

(I am 17 years old, and I volunteer at a local daycare center. It is part of my job to interview people if they want to send their children here.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to [Daycare]. I understand you want to send [Child] here?”

Mother: “Yes, I’m thinking about doing so, if you can meet my standards.”

Me: “Okay, then—”

Mother: “Well, don’t be useless, child! Show me around!”

Me: “Well, here is the main playroom where the children—”

Mother: “What cleaning supplies do you use?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Mother: “Don’t be daft, child! What cleaning supplies do you use here?”

Me: “We use [Brand #1].”

Mother: “Oh, I don’t like them. I demand that you use [Brand #2].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll tell my boss to see if she can ask the janitors to use [Brand #2] next time.”

Mother: “You had better, child!”

(At this point, her child begins climbing over the nap-time cribs.)

Me: “Oh, don’t do that, [Child]. Sweetie; you could fall and get hurt!”

Mother: “No, it’s okay sweetie; I say you can.”

Me: “What? No, ma’am, she isn’t allowed to do that here.”

Mother: “You can’t tell someone else’s child what to do!”

Me: “When we’re watching her we get to set and enforce rules.”

Mother: “Well, if [Child] comes here, she will be allowed to climb over the couch.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. If [Child] comes here, she will be receiving no special treatment, and will not be climbing over the couch.”

Mother: “Yes, she will.”

Me: “No, she won’t.”

Mother: “YES, SHE WILL, BECAUSE I SAID SO!”

(The mother stamps her foot hard on ground. I am speechless.)

Mother: “Now, stupid child, give me the papers so that [Child] can be signed up. I request that you stay in another room from my little boy at all times!”

Me: “But, ma’am! It’s all one room!”

(My boss, who has been watching our exchange, comes over.)

Boss: “That’s okay, because you’re fired.”

Me: “Why? I’m really good with the kids! They like me! They do! And I work for $2.50 for every two hours without complaining! This job means everything to me! Please! I’ll work at $0.50 for every three hours! I need this job so much!”

Mother: “Serves you right for being a senseless b**** to these children.”

Boss: “No, [My Name], you are not fired. [Mother], you are.”

(The mother just stops and stands in awe.)

Boss: “[My Name] was being very helpful to you, and you kept cutting her off. Then, she enforced a big rule, and you told the child to continue to do so anyway. Then you called her a senseless b****, and laughed at her for begging to stay with these children. Now, get out before I call the police.”

Mother: “Fine! I don’t need this place! It sucks anyway!”

(The mother grabs her child and leaves. My boss turns to me.)

Boss: “Your next lunch break is on me; you’ve been promoted to $20 for every two hours, and you can go home now.”

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