Perfect Comic Timing

, , , , , | Related | October 12, 2017

(My mom and I are helping my grandparents move closer to home, when my grandma loses her vision completely. She is also diagnosed with the beginnings of dementia, so it’s a bit of a sad change for her and my grandpa. During the move, we go to eat at a restaurant. We have to leave by 1:00 pm to meet a car salesman at a dealership, so my grandparents can sell their car. My phone dies, and my mom leaves her phone in the car, so as we’re preparing to leave, we don’t know what time it is.)

Grandpa: “I don’t want to be late. Why isn’t there a clock in here?”

Mom: “We’re not late, Dad, don’t worry. [My Name], is your phone—”

Me: “Completely dead.”

Mom: “Darn. Mom, you always have a watch. Do you have it with you?”

(We all look at Grandma expectantly and she looks back at us, as best she can, like we’ve lost it.)

Grandma: “What good would that do?”

(Cue us laughing and remembering that my grandma was blind. Out of four people, the one diagnosed with dementia showed the most common sense.)

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They’re Not “Torn” As To Which Student To Pick

, , , , | Learning | October 12, 2017

(I’m studying broadcasting, hoping to get a job in radio. In one of our projects, we have to design a contest for the college radio station, then actually go out into the real world, meet with real businesses, and get them to sponsor it. I’ve got a meeting with a prospective sponsor, so for an extra air of professionalism, I decide to wear my suit. On my way out, I run into one of my instructors in the hallway.)

Instructor: “And what are you all dressed up for?”

Me: “Oh, it’s for the promotions project. I’m off to a meeting with a potential sponsor.”

Instructor: “Well, I’m glad one of you guys knows how to dress to make sales calls.”

(Yeah, turns out my classmates giving their presentations in torn T-shirts weren’t doing so well at rounding up sponsors.)

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Unfiltered Story #98062

, | Unfiltered | October 12, 2017

(I am a teacher and I learned the hard way NOT to use Mad Libs with 12/13 year olds.)

Me: “All right students, so you may be asked to fill in a blank with an adjective. Now an adjective is a word that describes a noun. Some examples are beautiful, tall, short. Does anyone have a suggestion for the mad lib on the board?”

(All at once, students begin to shout out their answers:)

Student #1: “SEXY!”

Student #2: “BOOTYLICIOUS!”

Student #3: “SAGGY!”

Me: “…all right, I think we’re done with this.”

Student #4: “Aw, but teach, I had a great one for the next verb.”

(I should have known better, but this was a student who rarely shares with the class. So I decided to hear him out.)

Me: “What was it, [Student #4]?”

Student #4: “Jerking!”

Unfiltered Story #97593

| Unfiltered | October 12, 2017

<i>(I work the admissions/gift shop in an art gallery in Province 1. There is a university in the same city who has a restoration going on, and last year they were selling calendars to raise money for said project; ours was one of the locations who was carrying them. One day, I get this phone call:)</i>

<b>Me:</b> [Name of Gallery], how may I help you?

<b>Customer:</b> I saw on CBC that University is selling calendars to restore Building. Are you selling them?

<b>Me:</b> Yes, we are.

<b>Customer:</b> I live in Province 2. Would you be able to ship one to me?

<b>Me:</b> <i>(stunned for a moment, as we had never done this before; I had only been working there a few months).</i> Um… I’ll have to check with my supervisor. May I have your name and number and I’ll call you back? <i>(the phone has caller ID, but it was coming up Private Name & Private Number)</i>

<b>Customer:</b> I don’t give out my phone number. How about you give me her number and I’ll call her?

<b>Me:</b> Okay, no problem! <i>(I give her the number, and after we hang up I give my supervisor a heads-up about the call.

Fast-forward a few weeks later, and the following has taken place:
We do agree to send the calendar, but the payment has to be processed from my station upstairs. As we can’t call the customer to have her give us the credit card number in real time, she instead told it to my supervisor, who wrote it down, and then brought it up the next day to have it done. The card number is declined. We have no way of calling the customer, so we decided to wait it out. She eventually calls back.)</i>

<b>Customer:</b> I had ordered a University calendar some time ago. When should I be expecting it to arrive?

<b>Me:</b> Well, unfortunately, we couldn’t finish processing the payment as your card number was declined, and as we had no way of contacting you, we had no way of rectifying this.

<b>Customer:</b> Well, you had my address? You could have sent me a letter! <i>(she is now clearly upset)</i> This is the problem with Province 1! You’re always dropping the ball when it comes to business! My family was from there and can be traced back–! <i>(goes on for a bit of how it’s all our fault and we should have sent her a letter, because, of course, WE’RE the ones dropping the ball when she was perfectly ready to give us her credit card number but not her phone number when nearly the whole world runs on phone lines and the Internet, but, no, WE should have sent HER a letter).</i>

I am eventually able to end the call with an apology and “hope you have a nice day.” Once my supervisor come out of a meeting she was in, I tell her what happened, and both her and another office staffer agree that the customer was probably trying to get a free calendar.

Interrupted Development

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I’m a developer at a tech startup. I’m working on some analytics for the Business Development team. The CEO and one of the BD managers are in the office with me. The BD team asks the CEO a question about the analytics I’m building. The CEO stops what he’s doing, turns to me, and repeats the question.)

Me: “Yes, I can do that.”

(I go back to work. A few minutes pass.)

Business Dev Team: “Hey, [CEO], can the report give a breakdown by region?”

(Again, the CEO stops what he’s doing, turns to me, and repeats the question.)

Me: “No problem; give me a couple minutes and I’ll have it ready for you.”

(I go back to work. A few minutes pass.)

Business Dev Team: “Hey, [CEO], can we add—”

CEO: “Why do you keep asking me? [My Name] is sitting right there!”

Business Dev Team: “Yeah, but he’s working. I don’t want to keep interrupting him.”

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