Don’t Want Him As A Member Anyway

, , | Right | October 15, 2017

(I work in a store where our weekly sale flyer features specials only available to people who are store members. This is a free membership that you can sign up for at any time for to get the deals, and the form takes less than two minutes.)

Me: “Hi, can I get your store card or phone number?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to be harassed after you sell my number.”

Me: “I promise we don’t sell your number, and we don’t need a phone number on the account, anyway, just your name and signature. Most of your items are on special this week and you’d save almost twenty dollars.”

Customer: “No. These are sale items. They’re in your flyer. I’m not signing up.”

Me: “I can’t give the member prices without the card. It will take one minute. If you look at the flyer, anything with the symbol beside it is for members only.”


Customer #2: *rolls eyes and points to banner on flyer* “It says right here you have to be a member to get these prices.”

Customer #1: “WELL, IT’S STILL RIDICULOUS!” *storms out of the store, leaving everything on the counter*

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An Opportunity To Spot The Elusive Canadian Giraffe

, , | Learning | October 15, 2017

(We are on a field trip to a sanctuary with our summer camp, where the students can see some of the local wildlife. Since we focus a lot on reading, we’re trying to get the students to read the posters about the animals. One of my younger students looks into an area where he can see white tailed deer fawn that still has spots.)

Student: “What animal is that?”

Me: “It says on the poster; try to read it.”

(The student looks at the picture, then at the animal, then back to me.)

Student: “Is that a giraffe?”

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“Inside” Your Mind

, , , | Learning | October 13, 2017

(I’m a middle school teacher and we’re getting back into the swing of things after summer vacation. When it’s nice outside, we really try to encourage the kids to go outside for recess, and that’s where we station our supervision. We do get some kids who try to sneak back in, and that’s where this exchange happens, after I hear some kids running in the hall.)

Me: “Hey, guys. What do you need? Are you going to the bathroom?”

Kid #1: “Uhhhh, no.”

Me: “Okay.”

Kid #2: “We’re just getting some water.” *drinks from fountain*

Me: “Great idea! Have fun outside. It’s sooo beautiful out.”

(Shortly after, I walk toward another entrance and see them inside again, trying to sweet talk a support worker into letting them stay inside. The support worker is telling them “no” when I round the corner.)

Me: “Hey, guys! Saying ‘hi’ to [Support Worker]?”

Kid #1: *shocked to see me* “Uh, yeah, and then we’re heading outside.”

Me: “Awesome! Have fun; it’s soooo beautiful outside.”

(As they are heading outside, one of the kids turns to their friend and says what they think I can’t hear.)

Kid #2: “Hey, let’s try the door by [Other Teacher]. We can hide in her classroom, too.”

(I wave to them until the door is closed and then book it to the other side of the school where that door is. I wait behind a wall, where they can’t see me, until I hear the door open and see them walk up.)

Me: “HOWDY!”

Kid #1 and #2: “WHAT THE F***!”

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Time To Walk Them Through It

, , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(The number one rule at pools is no running. Just don’t do it. I’ve seen some pretty gruesome injuries as a result. One day, I’m lifeguarding, and this kid is just not getting the “no running” rule. We’ve warned him three times and still see him literally sprinting from one side to the other. My coworker finally has enough the fourth time.)

Coworker: *as loud as she can* “HEY, YOU!” *the kid stops and looks like a deer in headlights* “COME HERE!”

(The kid walks, for the first time at a reasonable speed, up to her, looking scared. We can kick people out of the pool, and I’m pretty sure he assumes that is about to happen.)

Coworker: “All right. Can you lift up your left leg?”

Kid: “Uh, yeah.”

(He does so.)

Coworker: “Okay, and put it down?”

(The kid does that.)

Coworker: “Now lift up your right leg and put it down.”

(The kid does all these things and stares at her, confused.)

Coworker: “Great! What you just did is called walking. That is what I and the other lifeguards have been trying to get you to do the whole time you’ve been here. Not because it’s optional, but because it’s safer! Now that we’ve established that you can walk, you better slow down, or you can’t be here anymore. Understand?”

(The kid nodded and never ran the rest of his stay.)

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Not In Receipt Of Your Hints

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I am the manager on duty right now. I am helping customers on the sales floor when a woman asks for my help with some new coats that just came in a week or so ago.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Is this on sale?” *points to sign on the rack that reads “Jackets, 30% off”*

Me: “Yes, they are! They’re 30% off and they just came in!”

Customer: “I bought two last week and I paid full price for them!”

Me: “Oh, do you have your receipt? We can give you a price adjustment today if you have it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t. But I bought two full-price last week.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when you get the receipt, come back and we will give you a price adjustment as long as the sale is still on.”

Customer: “I bought two full price ones last week, but I changed my purse so I don’t have the receipt.”

Me: “That’s no problem; you can get your price adjustment whenever you can bring the receipt in. No time limit, as long as the sale is on.”

Customer: “But I bought two full price jackets last week! This one and the grey one! In fact, you helped me! It was about $300!”

Me: “Right, and we can refund you if you go get the receipt.”

Customer: “I changed purses and it’s in my other purse.”

Me: *sighing inwardly in frustration* “We will give you the 30% off when you bring the receipt in, but I can’t do anything without the receipt.”

Customer: “I bought them for $[total] and it’s 30% off, so I should get $[amount] back!”

Me: “Yup, just get your receipt and you’ll get it back!”

Customer: “I don’t have my receipt; I changed purses!”

Me: “Then I can’t help you today.”

(I walk away to help other customers but she follows me, holding up two jackets.)

Customer: “I bought two full price jackets — this one and this one — last week! They are on sale now!”

Me:Yes! They are, and you can get your money back if you bring in the receipt, which is in your other purse! I cannot give you a price adjustment without the receipt.”

(The customer proceeds to repeat her receipt and purse story.)

Me: “Come back when you have your receipt.”

(I walked away, and every time she tried to talk to me to tell me about her jackets she bought, I said, “I’ll talk to you when you have your receipt,” and kept walking away. After a few minutes she got the hint and left.)

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