There’s Something About That Trick But You Can’t Put Your Finger On It

, , , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

My maternal grandfather had an accident with a power tool when he was younger, leaving him with three partial fingers. His pinky was the shortest, ending at the first knuckle, his ring finger was cut off between the knuckles, and his middle finger at the last knuckle.

One thing he loved to do was wait until a kid was watching him, then start picking his nose with his index finger. After a while he’d switch to his next finger, then the next, watching the kid’s eyes get wider and wider. If you didn’t know he was missing parts of his fingers, it looked like he was shoving them farther and farther up his nose. He would finally move on to his pinky stub, making it look like he had an entire finger shoved up his nostril, while the kid’s eyes bugged out of their head.

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You Pay Like A Girl

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I’m a female heavy-duty mechanic. I get put to work on a customer’s truck that I’ve been warned is a pain in the a**. I get finished with his truck with no problem and bring him over to my service writer to finish paperwork.)

Service Writer: “Please sign here.”

Customer: “Do I get a cheaper price because she’s a girl?”

Me: “…”

Service Writer: No.”

Customer: “Why not? Other places do it.”

(There is a moment of silence as my service writer glares at the man and I focus harder on my paperwork so that I don’t swear at him.)

Service Writer: *finally breaking the silence* “We don’t work like that here.”

Customer: *grumbles and walks away*

Me: “Did he really say that?”

Service Writer: “Yup, and he’s not even paying the bill. His boss is.”

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You Couldn’t Print This Up

, , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

(I am working retail while going through school for computer science. Coming into work one day, however, I notice that the printer isn’t working, which means that I can’t print off the signs I need to print. Keep in mind I’m about 16 at the time.)

Me: “What happened?”

Boss: “The printer stopped working overnight. We phoned IT in earlier today. They took a look and said the parts are completely fried and it’ll need a full replacement.”

Me: “Really? It was working fine yesterday. Give me five minutes with it. I’ll see if I can fix it, and if I can’t I’ll leave it be.”

Boss: “Are you sure? You’re still learning, while IT has their certification.”

Me: “Of course, but it’s very easy to overlook something. Five minutes is all I ask.”

(She gives me the green light and I get to work. After some short troubleshooting, I find out that somebody has unplugged the cord connecting it to the computer. I plug it in, test, and sure enough, the printer is working just fine again, with no sign of damage.)

Me: “I found the problem. Somebody unplugged it.”

(My boss comes to the printer and looks. Sure enough, nothing matches how IT described it.)

Boss: *laughing* “All right, I’m going to have to phone IT and let them know that our printer is fine, and that our un-certified 16-year-old part-time employee fixed what they couldn’t.”

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Ugh… Work Is Such Work!

, , , | Learning | October 16, 2017

(My dad is a teacher and often comes home with some gems. He is a music teacher, but also teaches art. He’s going over the projects, and the class’s complaints about the amount of work they have to do get louder and louder.)

Dad: “Guys, I know it seems like a lot, but this is spread out over the semester. We have to do this because this makes up your grade.”

Student: “Yeah, but you actually want us to do work.”

Dad: “…Uh, yeah!”

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Don’t Want Him As A Member Anyway

, , | Right | October 15, 2017

(I work in a store where our weekly sale flyer features specials only available to people who are store members. This is a free membership that you can sign up for at any time for to get the deals, and the form takes less than two minutes.)

Me: “Hi, can I get your store card or phone number?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to be harassed after you sell my number.”

Me: “I promise we don’t sell your number, and we don’t need a phone number on the account, anyway, just your name and signature. Most of your items are on special this week and you’d save almost twenty dollars.”

Customer: “No. These are sale items. They’re in your flyer. I’m not signing up.”

Me: “I can’t give the member prices without the card. It will take one minute. If you look at the flyer, anything with the symbol beside it is for members only.”

Customer: “I AM NOT SIGNING UP FOR YOUR SCAM ARTIST CLUB. THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING. I WILL CALL MY LAWYER AND I CAN AND WILL BRING THIS COMPANY TO COURT BECAUSE YOU ARE ADVERTISING A PRICE AND REFUSING TO GIVE IT TO ME. NOWHERE DOES IT SAY YOU HAVE TO BE A MEMBER TO GET THESE PRICES!”

Customer #2: *rolls eyes and points to banner on flyer* “It says right here you have to be a member to get these prices.”

Customer #1: “WELL, IT’S STILL RIDICULOUS!” *storms out of the store, leaving everything on the counter*

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