Unfiltered Story #100620

, | Unfiltered | November 26, 2017

I was at home, getting ready for the day. At this point our fridge had broken down, so we had a repairman in fixing it, and my step-father was doing some cleaning on the lower floor. I was going down the stairs but halfway down remembered I needed to grab something, so I turned around. Instantly I felt a pain jolt through my leg, and realising what had just happened I slowly lowered myself to sit on the step. Looking I realised I had badly dislocated my knee, to the point it was actually on the side of my leg.

At that point, a bit of shock had kicked in, and in a mild fit of hysteria and realising how silly the cause of my injury was, I broke down laughing, while calling for my stepfather to come help. At first he was confused due to my speaking between massive fits of laughter, but he came upstairs and looked at the injury, called for an ambulance to come help and let my work know I wouldn’t be making it in that day, and then came to make sure I was fairing alright.

At this point my vision had gone to the point almost everything had looked white, and I couldn’t see my door that was about 3 feet away. My stepfather asked how I managed to injure myself, and when I explained “I turned around the stairs”, he started laughing as well about how “Only I could dislocate my knee turning around.”

The repairman heard all the commotion and tried to figure out why we were laughing our heads off, and had to take a moment when we explained the situation.

The best part? I found out a few days later once it had healed up that a coworker had a similar injury (though not as bad) at work around the exact same time.

Don’t Discount The Power Of Charity, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

Me: “Would you like to add a donation to [Charity] on to your purchase today?”

Customer: “Sure, why the heck not?”

Me: “How much would you like to donate today?”

Customer: “Let’s do five dollars.”

Me: “Oh, that’s wonderful! On behalf of [Retailer] and [Charity], I would like to thank you for your generous contribution today, sir!”

Customer: “What the h*** was that?”

Me: “I don’t follow, sir.”

Customer: “Can the sarcasm, buddy. I know five dollars isn’t much, but you didn’t have to make a scene over it!”

Me: *cluing in* “Oh, no, sir, that’s not what I was trying to do. No lie, I am genuinely grateful for your contribution. I may have overdone it a little because your donation is technically the biggest I’ve seen.”

Customer: *visibly calmer* “Oh… How much do other shoppers usually donate?”

Me: “They usually don’t donate at all, or at most one dollar with a lot of reluctance.”

Customer: “Is that so? All right, put me down for five more dollars.”

Me: “Yes, sir!”



Don’t Discount The Power Of Charity

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Will Need To Sweet-Talk Your Way Out Of This One

, , , , , | Working | November 23, 2017

(It is about 30 years ago, when I am starting out as a food chemist, and I have been invited to give a talk to the FDA in Washington, DC. After the talk, I am shown around one of the labs where they are doing some toxicity testing on aspartame, a synthetic sweetener about 200 times sweeter than sucrose. I have never heard of it, so I ask to take some back to my lab to analyze. They give it to me in a little unmarked plastic bag. After I land in Toronto, I have to go through Canadian customs.)

Customs: “Do you have anything to declare?”

Me: “No.”

Customs: “Any food?”

(I think for half a second, pull the unmarked bag of white, powdery aspartame out of my coat pocket, and say:)

Me: “Yes.”

(I have never seen armed men come that fast. They put me in a back room and a few minutes later a border agent comes in.)

Border Agent: “What are you doing with this much cocaine?”

Me: “What?! No, this is aspartame. It’s a sweetener.”

Border Agent: “Never heard of it. What is aspartame?”

Me: “You know, I don’t really know.”

(I open the bag and dip my finger into it and lick it.)

Me: “Good God! That’s sweet!”

(The border agent also tastes it and agrees it really is a sweetener. But before they let me go, the border agent makes a comment.)

Border Agent: “Makes sense it wasn’t cocaine; I don’t think anyone would be stupid enough to pull out a bag of cocaine when asked if there was anything to declare.”

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This House Was Built On Plywood And Fraud

, , , , | Right | November 23, 2017

(I am a manager of a moderate-sized building supply store. We sell everything you need to build a house from the ground up. While the company is fairly sizable and modern, we still write up all our invoices by hand, with no computer system in place.)

Employee: “Um, [My Name], can you please help this gentleman?”

Me: *coming over to assist* “Not a problem. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Can I buy two culverts and have you write up the invoice for plywood instead?”

Me: *a little confused* “Sorry? You want me to sell you some culvert and some plywood?”

Customer: “No, I want to buy some culvert, but I don’t want the invoice to say, ‘culvert.’ If you could write up an invoice for an amount of plywood that equals the value of two culverts, then I will take the culvert and not take any plywood.”

Me: *thinking that he is joking* “I’m sorry. We can’t do something like that.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because it is fraudulent and unethical.”

Customer: “Yes, you can do it. Can’t you?”

Me: “No, sir, I am not able to do this.”

Customer: “But why not?”

Me: “Because, if it were found out, or if we were audited, we could be charged and face jail time. So, again, I’m sorry, but I am not going to do this.”

(A couple of moments of awkward silence pass.)

Customer: “Okay, I guess I will have to bite the bullet and get them, anyway. I am trying to write the culverts off, but I guess I’m not going to be able to.”

(I finish the sale, flabbergasted at the gall this customer had to ask me to commit fraud and break the law. This incident was immediately followed by a quick information session to the staff about why it is bad and to never, ever, do anything of the sort.)

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Getting Shirty About The Shirt That’s Dirty

, , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(I am greeting customers at a retail clothing store, welcoming them and asking if I can help them. I am not part of the management team; however, I am the most trusted employee working the sales floor. A customer walks in wearing one of our dress shirts that is currently on sale for 25% off.)

Me: “Hey, welcome to [Store]! Is there anything I can help you find today? Those shirts are still on sale if you want to get another.”

Customer: “Actually, this shirt is too big on me. I didn’t try it on until I got home, and whenever I bend even a little bit it gapes open at the front. I want to exchange it for one a size down.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We only accept returns and exchanges on unworn clothing, with a receipt and with the tag still attached.”

Customer: “But I only bought it two days ago, and I’ve just worn it today! I didn’t notice how big it was until I went out to the store.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry; however, I have explained our return policy to you. Would you enjoy buying a shirt another customer has returned because they decided it was the wrong size, after wearing it for several hours?”

Customer: “I guess I’m never shopping here again.”

Me: *internally* “YAY!”

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