Grandma Is Not Always Right

, , , , , | Related | January 23, 2018

(My fiancé, his grandmother, and I go on a trip to the nearby city for some errands and end up in a well-known pizza place. After placing our order, my fiancé’s grandmother waits about ten minutes and then starts complaining.)

Grandma: “What is taking them so long?”

Fiancé: “Shouldn’t be much longer.”

Grandma: “Look at all these people! We should have just ordered like them and got the buffet.”

Fiancé: “You wanted leftovers to take home, Grandma.”

(At this point a waitress, not our waitress, walks by.)

Grandma: “Excuse me! I said, ‘Excuse me!’”

Other Waitress: “Yes?”

Me: “She’s not our waitress, [Grandma].”

Grandma: “Do you know how much longer for our food? If it’s not ready yet, I want the order cancelled.”

Me: “She’s not our waitress; she wouldn’t know about our order.”

Other Waitress: “I’m not sure, ma’am. I can certainly have a look.”

(The other waitress leaves and literally as she walks away, our waitress brings our food. There has been a total wait time of 20 minutes for two pizzas and a calzone.)

Grandma: “Fin—”

Me: *cutting her off* “Those look amazing! Thank you so much.”

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No ID, No Idea, Part 33

, , , , | Right | January 23, 2018

(In Alberta, it’s illegal to be in a liquor store without your ID, regardless of age, unless you’re accompanied by a parent or guardian. Most people use their driver’s licence as ID, and it’s illegal to drive without it. Breaking either law warrants a steep fine. The store I work at checks the ID of anyone who appears to be under 25. I’ve only been on shift for an hour, but I’ve already had to turn away six people who have been unable to show me their ID, and I’m starting to get frustrated.)

Me: “Could I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Uh… I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that. I forgot it. But c’mon! You should remember me. I’m here almost every day!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t serve you without ID.”

Customer: “You should remember me! I buy beer here all the time! Don’t I look familiar?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not legal for you to be in here without it. I need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Nah, you don’t, since you remember who I am! If you remember me, I don’t need it. I come in all the time.”

(I’ve had enough. I cover my nametag with my hand.)

Me: “Sir, I’ll sell you your beer right now, if you can tell me what my name is.”

Customer: “Uh… I don’t know. I don’t pay attention to nametags. How should I know what your name is?”

Me: “Well, if you’re in here all the time, then you must remember me, right? Look: I’ve served about 100 customers per day, five days per week, for the last eight years. I don’t remember most of them. If you don’t have your ID, you need to leave.”

Customer: “FINE!”

(He proceeded to get in his vehicle and peel off, presumably without his licence. I hope the cops pulled him over for speeding and driving without a licence!)

Related:

No ID, No Idea, Part 32
No ID, No Idea, Part 31
No ID, No Idea, Part 30

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Has Mixed Feelings About HR

, , , , , , , | Working | January 22, 2018

(I am of mixed race — my mom is black and my dad is white — but I have predominantly Caucasian features. I get called into HR after a verbal fight I had with another mixed coworker. She is accusing me of being racist towards her. I have a generic first and last name, so unless I choose to disclose my parentage, I can easily pass for white.)

Human Resources: “Hello, [My Name]. Thanks for coming. This is a safe space to share our feelings in, so no one feels attacked here.”

(My coworker sniffles and glares at me as I sit down.)

Me: “Okay.”

Human Resources: “So, let’s discuss what happened on Thursday, and how we can move forward. [Coworker] feels like you’re singling her out for being mixed and are purposely giving her easy work and putting her down in front of the boss due to her race.”

Me: “Now—”

Coworker: “I just feel so unsafe at work.”

Human Resources: “Don’t worry, [Coworker]; we are here to change that.”

Me: “Can I say something?”

Coworker: “You’ve said enough. It’s clear how you feel about black people.”

Human Resources: “Now, now, let’s stay calm. It’s a safe space. Now, [My Name], since is the first altercation, you won’t be fired.” *Yes, this is literally how she started the conversation* “But—”

Me: “Uh, excuse me? Aren’t you going to ask my side of the story?”

Human Resources: “Uh, well, sure, but—”

Me: “I hope you aren’t just taking her side because she’s more black than I am.”

Coworker: “YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT IS BEING MIXED!”

Me: “NEWSFLASH! I’m mixed, too!”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I look white, but my mom is black. So, let’s go back you accusing me of being racist towards you for being mixed. Now that it’s clear I’m mixed, too, please explain to me how I’ve been demeaning to you because of your lineage. I’m sure my parents want to know where they went wrong with me.”

Coworker: *rushed* “Maybe I overreacted.”

Human Resources: “Okay, due to this turn of events, maybe we can settle it.”

Me: “Yeah, thanks to you finding out I’m mixed, all of a sudden I’m not the bad guy, huh? What if I hadn’t been mixed? You weren’t even going to hear my side of the story! You would’ve just taken her at her word, and I might’ve been out of that supervisor promotion I applied for. You could’ve ruined my future at this company all because I ‘look white.’”

(I stormed out of the office and found the nearest office with the words supervisor on it. I was led to the supervisor of the HR rep, and he listened to me rant for at least an hour before, calmly, helping me find a solution. Neither the HR rep or my coworker were fired, but the HR rep was unofficially demoted and my coworker was moved to a different floor. I haven’t had any trouble since, and although I got passed over for supervisor, my current boss practically told me I have her position when she goes on maternity leave. After this altercation, my mom half-jokingly told me to leave a picture of all of us on my desk in case of future misunderstandings of my race.)

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Hot-Headed About The Cold

, , , | Right | January 22, 2018

(I am the guest services manager at a hotel. One morning I’m asked to come speak with an irate guest.)

Me: “Good morning. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “The problem is I nearly froze to death in that room last night! Do you guys not know how to maintain your heating systems?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Was the heat just not kicking on?”

Customer: “No! I kept setting it warmer, and the air kept getting colder. Every time I tried turning it down, the air got colder. This is ridiculous. You need to give me my money back or something.”

Me: “I’m sorry. You say you turned it down? As in, the number on the display screen was getting lower?”

Customer: “Yes! I set it to warm, and turned down the temperature, and it just got colder!”

Me: “Well, sir, lower temperatures are colder. You have to raise the temperature for heat. Did you try calling the front desk to ask for assistance with the heating system?”

Customer: “No, of course not. I just wanted to sleep. But I turned the heat up. I put it to warm, and put the heat up. Your air conditioner is not working. I demand compensation!”

(I give in and give the guy a 10% discount, and a further 20% off his next visit, promising to have maintenance “repair” the faulty A/C. Before leaving, however, he insists that I come to the room so he can show me the problem. We walk into the room, which is freezing cold. I take one look at the display screen and see the problem: the A/C is on and cranked to full blast with the temperature at its lowest setting. I press the button marked “heat” and raise the temperature, and hot air immediately starts blowing out of the unit.)

Me: “Well, it looks like the heat was never turned on. Glad to know we could resolve this problem before the next guest checks in here. Anything else I can—”

(With that, the guest turned red and ran from the room. He hasn’t been back yet.)

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Not Too Proud To Apologize

, , , , , , | Working | January 22, 2018

(I get into an argument with a coworker who is annoyed that our boss is giving those who asked the day off to go to the Pride Parade. Although I am straight, a few of my family members are not and I am going to Pride to support them.)

Coworker: “I don’t get why [Boss] is giving you that day off! You’re not even gay!”

Me: “So? Ever heard of allies?”

Coworker: “Oh, my God! Everyone is asking for the day to just slack off! You know that’s our busiest day! God, is anyone going even gay?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. You know some of our coworkers are gay, right? They wear pins all the time, and their wives even come by to pick them up.”

Coworker: “Who?”

Me: “Seriously, how have you not noticed? It’s [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2]. Their wives are so nice and—”

Coworker: “What? They aren’t lesbians! They don’t look like lesbos.”

Me: “You can’t tell people’s sexualities by looking at them.”

(My coworker laughs and walks away; however, the next day, he corners me in the break room before I sign in.)

Coworker: “You know how you said yesterday about not being able to tell people are lesbos by just looking at them?”

Me: “Well, I said you cannot tell people’s sexualities just by looking at them, not just lesbians.”

Coworker: “Yeah, whatever. I talked to your uncle while you were getting your stuff from the back yesterday and he agreed with me. Straight people just have good gaydar, I guess. Even your own family agrees with me and—” *he stops since I burst out laughing* “What? What is so funny?”

Me: “You just disproved yourself!”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “You just said my uncle’s straight, right?”

Coworker: “Wait—”

Me: “You told my uncle, who is gay by the way, that you can tell people are gay just by looking at them. You said all this without realising my uncle was gay!”

Coworker: “But he looked straight!”

Me: “Is your definition of gay wearing sequins and having a feminine voice? Gay people come in all different shapes, races, and voices. I think I won this argument.”

Coworker: “Wow… Does your uncle hate me now?”

Me: “He probably thinks you’re a little homophobic.”

Coworker: “I don’t think anyone has ever proven me wrong so successfully.”

Me: “You proved yourself wrong, buddy. I had nothing to do with it.”

(My coworker was so shocked by this that he apologised to my uncle when he next saw him and stopped complaining about people getting off for the Pride Parade. Obviously, change doesn’t happen overnight, but he has absolutely stopped making homophobic comments, and although he didn’t come to the Parade, one of my coworkers told me he asked her where he can buy a Straight Alliance pin. He promises to come to the Pride Parade this year, so we’ll see what happens.)

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