Unfiltered Story #93776

, , , | Unfiltered | September 11, 2017

(I take a call from a customer who is making a reservation.)

Me: “Alright, you’re all set. Now, did you want to take your confirmation number over the phone or do you want me to send you a confirmation email?”

Customer: “Send it by email please. The address is… wait, I’m going to give you my boyfriend’s email.” *to her boyfriend in the background* “Babe? What’s your email address?”

(He gives it to her and she relays it to me.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m pretty sure there’s a number ‘1’ before the @ sign.” *to her boyfriend* “Babe, isn’t there a ‘1’ before the @?”

Boyfriend: “Nope.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, babe, I’m sure. It’s my address isn’t it?”

Customer: *to me* “I’m going to check just to be sure; men are usually wrong. I’m so sure there’s a ‘1’ before the @.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Take your time.”

Boyfriend: “Babe! There’s no ‘1’ before the @. It’s just—” *gives address*

Customer: *to me* “Ignore him; I’m certain there’s a ‘1’ in there somewhere. Men are always wrong.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Oh! I found it! The address is [gives original address without a ‘1’ in it.] There, so there is no number ‘1’ in there. I knew it! I love being right!”

Me: “Okay… well your confirmation is being sent. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Customer: “You too!” *to someone in the background as she’s hanging up* “I knew I was right, there was no number ‘1’—”

Whipped Cream And Pee Jars And Tag, Oh My!

, , , , , | Learning | September 10, 2017

(I am one of three RAs in a freshman dorm. I am talking to one of the SRAs (Senior RA) as my shift ends, when I see three freshman residents exiting the elevator, covered in whipped cream.)

SRA: “What happened, guys?”

Freshman #1: “I want to switch roommates!” *The other freshmen pipe up loudly that they, too, want to switch roommates.*

SRA: “Did your roommates do this to all of you? Did you do anything to them first?”

Freshman #2: “Well, we’ve been collecting bottles of our pee and placing it in their clothing, and under their bed sheets, but they started it first!”

(The SRA looks at me as this guy is talking, knowing there’s going to be a s***-ton of paperwork and meetings over this.)

Me: “Tag, you’re it!” *walks away*

(Don’t worry, I’m not a horrible RA. I came back with coffee for the SRA and we sorted this out together. I just wanted to see her reaction when she thought I left her.)

Catching All The Classics

, , , , , | Hopeless | September 8, 2017

(A couple with a five- or six-year-old daughter is browsing in my bookstore. After checking out the children’s books for a bit, the girl comes up to my desk.)

Girl: “I like your music. It’s catchy.”

(This may have been the first time the Beethoven String Quartets were described as “catchy”, but you have great taste, little girl!)

Grand Theft Pranker

, , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(I am working at a restaurant taking calls. A call comes in and these are the proceedings:)

Caller: “I’m going to kick your a**.”

(I immediately recognize the voice as Niko Bellic, an eastern European man that plays the main character in very famous video game GTA IV. I figure that the caller is using sound clips from the game, as, “I am going to kick your a**,” is one of Niko’s most used lines.)

Me: “Niko! Is that you? Want to get some drinks?”

Caller: *in Niko voice* “F*** OFF!”

Me: “Okay then.” *click*

Taxing Faxing, Part 20

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

Customer: “Can you fax something for me?”

Me: “It’s actually a self-serve fax, but I can show you how it works.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “It’s really easy. You don’t have to press any special buttons first, or pick up the phone or anything. All you have to do first is dial the number. If it’s toll free or long distance, you need to dial the one first, just like a phone.”

Customer: “I’m confused.”

Me: “All you have to do is dial the number.”

Customer: “I’m still confused.”

Me: “Just dial the number.”

Customer: “Well, how do I do that when the number’s on the paper I’m faxing!?”

Me: “You don’t have to put the paper in first, you can do that after you’ve dialed.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Right now, all you need to do is dial the number.”

(I swear people are this ignorant on purpose.)

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