(I am working behind the customer service counter when a customer comes up to complain about some policy.)

Me: *smiling politely* “I’m so sorry that we can’t do anything about it; we have to follow the policy, too.”

Customer: *crossly* “You don’t look very sorry!”

(I am a moderately good actress and can’t resist the opportunity. Instantly, I crumple up my face into an anguished expression, bring tears to my eyes, and, in quiveringly heartbroken tones, pronounce the following:)

Me: “I am so, so sorry! I am devastated to have to tell you this, but I honestly can do nothing. I wish—” *gulping hard* “—I could do something for you, but there is nothing I can do.”

Customer: *staring with a dropped jaw and bugged out eyes*

Me: *sweetly, in normal voice* “Is that better?”

(The customer closes his mouth, I start laughing, and he joins in.)

Customer: “Wow! You’re an amazing actress!”

(I smile and he grins back.)

Customer: “Well, I guess if you can’t, you can’t, but thanks for the laugh, anyway.”

(And he left with a smile on his face.)

This story is part of our International Day Of Happiness roundup!

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(I am standing with several coworkers at my kiosk. We only have six employees, so it’s not unusual to have some customers want to speak with somebody they’ve spoken with before. Sometimes this is something important, like a sale, or a simple question about how to use their phone. A customer approaches.)

Me: “Hello! How’s it going?”

Customer: “Is [Coworker] here?”

Me: “He actually just went on lunch! Sorry! He’ll be back in about an hour, but—”

Customer: *sharply* “Well, does he have a cell phone?”

Me: “Uh… yes. But we don’t make a point of calling people in from their lunches unless it’s extremely urgent.”

Customer: “So, call him, then.”

Me: “Can I ask what this is about?”

Customer: “Call him.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to call him back from his lunch without knowing if this is something we can help with, or if you need him specifically.”

Customer: “He’s probably eating in here anyway. Call him, now.”

Me: “I will not. [Coworker] never eats here, so he’s not inside the building. I will tell him you’re here, but I’m not going to call him back unless you tell me why you would like to speak with him.”

Customer: “I don’t need to tell you anything.”

Me: “I’m just trying to help you. We can at least get you started with whatever you need to talk with [Coworker] about, or we can give you a call when he comes back in.”

Customer: “I’m done speaking to you!”

Me: “Perfect. He’ll be back in an hour, then.”

(I stepped away from the customer and continued about my work. After about ten minutes, he asked a coworker an extremely simple question and stormed out. My coworker, coming back from lunch, asked me why he got an email about the “rude little girl” working at the kiosk.)

My husband and I were moving from a distant suburb into the city centre, almost 60 km away. Our new neighbourhood is known for being full of well-to-do, entitled people. On moving day, there was no parking available in front of the new house, so the movers parked the truck in the lane which separated our back yard from the back yard of the neighbour on the next street over. 

Our new neighbour promptly came out and complained to us that the movers would damage the roses along her back fence and they needed to park elsewhere. We politely explained that there was no parking available in front of the house. She replied that we should have blocked off space in front of the house ahead of time. I replied, “We just arrived here from another city. How were we supposed to be here to block off the road?” 

She stared at us blankly and then went back to her yard. We never spoke to her again.

(I work at a small movie theater as a door person and newbie projectionist. I call it that since I know only the basics, really, and with digital only now, most of what I did know is unneeded. One day, a customer comes to me saying her son lost his phone.)

Mother: “My son lost his phone in Cinema 1. Can we go look for it?”

Me: “Of course, and I’ll come help and help find it; I’ve got a flashlight to make it easier to spot.”

(The mother, the son, and I begin to look around for the phone for a good couple of minutes with no luck. She sighs, rather upset, and asks if I have found it. I tell her no and that the night cleaner still has a chance to find it. I tell her to leave a name and number at the office so we may call her if we find it. She nods and goes and does that, and I go to help the girls behind the counter. She later comes back with a rather mean look on her face her and says to me:)

Mother: “You know what? I think you took my son’s phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have it. I only have my own.” *shows her my phone* 

Mother: “Well, my son’s was an iPhone, so I’m sure you would take it because it’s better!” 

(My phone is an old Razor flip phone.)

Me: “I assure you, I would never do so, as I can buy my own. I am sorry we couldn’t find it.”

(Her son then chimes in.)

Son: “With what?! They pay you, like, 12 bucks. You can’t afford that!”

(I looked at them in shock as I couldn’t believe that these two people were being so rude after I had just tried to help them find the phone. They then left, all in a huff. As they passed, one of my managers said to them that she knew I would never steal from anyone, but they didn’t listen. Instead, the mother yelled one last time, saying that she was going to report me to the owners. Never heard from them since.)

(Working as a manager, one of the responsibilities I handle is ordering our ice cream from suppliers. Because of the cost, we have a less than half markup on whole tubs. Since it is so infrequent that entire tubs are requested for purchase, I handle all of those orders personally.)

Employee: “Hey, [My Name], someone wants a whole tub of ice cream, [flavor].”

Me: “Okay, you want to ring up these folks? This is their last cone.”

(We do our well-practiced tap-out to switch customers.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, I was told you wanted to buy a tub of ice cream?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to order a tub of [flavor]; how much will that be?”

Me: “Well, luckily enough, we have enough extras in stock that we can get you a tub today, or I can—”

Customer: “No, I want you to order one in for me.”

Me: “Well, okay, the soonest it can be in would be—”

(I mentally check the dates, reviewing what my order will look like, and what we will get, and what I can add to the upcoming order.)

Me: “—this Tuesday.”

Customer: “That’s fine. How much will it be?”

Me: “It will be sixty dollars, taxes included, and you can pay at the main—”

Customer: *interrupting* “No, that’s wrong.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “No, it’s not sixty dollars for a tub of ice cream; I’m not stupid! I want you to order me in a tub of ice cream, so I can pay you what it costs.”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “We purchase our ice cream as a business, not for personal consumption. So, after our costs, the price is sixty dollars, with taxes included.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that bulls***. Get me your f****** manager so I can order my ice cream.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the department head. I handle all of our ordering, including our ice cream orders. We make exceptions to sell whole tubs, but we buy our ice cream to sell it. So, one tub of [flavor] will cost sixty dollars, and you can make the purchase at the main cash.”

Customer: “No way does a tub of ice cream cost that much, you liar! This is no way to run a business!”

Me: “Ma’am, if we ran our business selling everything at cost, we wouldn’t remain a business for long. Would you like to order your tub of [flavor], or may I return to helping my customers?”

(Luckily, a family who had been waiting patiently caught her eye, the mother and father both glaring at her. Embarrassed, the customer left the parlor to go pay for and get a dated receipt for her order.)