Getting Hysterectical

, , , , | Healthy | June 25, 2017

(I got a hysterectomy because I hate my period and never want to have children. When I wake up from the anaesthetic, there’s a nurse standing over my bed.)

Nurse: “Don’t you ever want kids?”

(That was literally the first thing she said. I thought of so many responses later, but at the time I was too stunned and groggy to say anything. Also: period-free life is awesome. 10/10 highly recommend.)

Turn Right On Left Street

, , , , , | Right | June 24, 2017

Customer: “Hello, what street are you located on?”

Me: “[Street], in between [Road #1] and [Road #2], opposite the big toy store.”

Customer: “Are you on the left or right hand side on the road?”

Me: *silence and confusion* “Um…”

The Ball Avoids Other Balls

, , , , | Related | June 23, 2017

(My younger son, about eight at the time, is playing baseball and is currently the catcher, the first time he has played that position. Pitch comes in, batter fouls it back, the ball going directly between his legs. He falls over on his side. Even in the stands we can hear the ball hit the protective cup. The crowd takes a collective breath out of pity.)

Coach: “[Son], you okay? Did the ball hit you in the nuts?”

Son: *angrily, and in tears* “NO! I got hit in the penis!”

(Cue a bit of laughing from players, spectators, and even the umpire. The batter shakes my son’s hand, and he finishes the inning.)

Unfiltered Story #90269

, , | Unfiltered | June 23, 2017

(I work in the offices of a factory. The accounting technician who processes the employees’ pay sits next to me. She also manages employees group insurance. We have a worker who was injured outside the job, and had to stop working for a long period. When that happens, the worker can choose to stay insured through the group insurance. However, as we don’t pay him for that period and cannot deduct the premium from his pay, he has to set up a weekly transfer from his bank account to the company’s.)

Technician: You have to go to your financial institution and set up the transfer. I believe you are with [Bank #1], right? If so, you can also do it online, it only takes a few minutes.

Injured worker: That seems complicated. Can you just do it yourself and take money directly from my account?

Technician: Unfortunately, we cannot. The bank doesn’t allow us to do that. They need you to set it up so they have the authorization.

Injured worker: Oh, okay. I’ll do that I guess.

(One hour passes. My technician gets a phone call from the injured worker.)

Injured worker: Hey, I thought about what you said and it just sounds too complicated. I was thinking maybe you could set it up yourself and take money from my account?

Technician: No, I’m sorry, but as I told you earlier I cannot. The bank won’t let me do that. You have to do it by yourself.

Injured worker: But it’s difficult. And I’d have to go to the bank, and my leg hurts.

Technician: There’s no way around it. But you don’t need to go to the bank. You can do it on [Bank website], it’s really simple and it only takes a few minutes.

(The injured worker agrees to set up the transfer himself. One week passes, and the technician notices we still haven’t received payment from him. She contacts him and asks him why.)

Injured worker: I went to my bank, and they said they cannot do that. I think you need to do it.

Technician: (*seriously facepalming at this point) What do you mean? Of course they can do it. That’s what everyone who is out for a long period does. I don’t know what you asked exactly, but never mind. Go on the bank website, and do exactly what I say.

(The technician told him step by step how to set up a transfer, even though it’s really easy. It still took 3 more weeks for the worker to set up the bank transfer.)

The Bizarre Sight Is A Gift In Of Itself

, , , | Right | June 22, 2017

Customer: “Can you wrap this pomegranate?”

Me: “You mean in plastic?”

Customer: “No, in gift wrap”

Me: “Um… okay.” *boss comes in to see me gift wrapping a pomegranate*

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