Calling Back Is Not His Calling

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(I work in a call center and offer customer service through chat. I am completely separate from the phones.)

Customer: “Here is my phone number. Call me.”

Me: “I apologize; I do not have access to the phones. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: “YES! My phone is not working, and I want you to call me and fix it now!”

Me: “We can’t do technical troubleshooting on the chat.” *I give him all information on how to call technical support*

Customer: “NO! I don’t want to call technical support! My phone is not working! I want you to send a technician now!”

Me: “Only technical support has access to sending out technicians for technical issues. You will need to call them to get this fixed.”

Customer: “What don’t you understand? MY PHONE IS NOT WORKING!”

Me: “If your phone is not working, then how could we call you?”

(He was wordless for a few seconds, then started to say he never asked for a call, and kept pushing for technical support until he closed the chat 15 minutes later.)

Rated R You Serious?

, , , , , , | Related | September 25, 2017

Growing up, my parents never really policed what I watched, and I ended up seeing a lot of R-rated movies by the time I was ten. One time though, when I was about eight, my mom and I were watching one such movie together. Near the beginning, a village was attacked, the invaders unleashed a pack of dogs on the villagers, and my mom covered my eyes. I immediately ripped her hand away, we stared at each other for a couple seconds, me thinking, “What the heck? I’m trying to watch a movie here,” and her expression saying, “Well, if you’re sure,” and we continued watching the movie.

Nearly twenty years later, that was the only scene I could remember, but I found it hilarious that of all the mature movies I had seen, that was the one scene she decided to shield me from. I had absolutely no idea what movie it was from, but was always curious. One day, I was browsing Netflix, started a movie, and realized it was the one from my childhood. I stopped watching it and messaged my mom. We agreed it would be fun to watch it together again, so next time I was at her place, we did so.

We spent the next two hours laughing at the old 80s special effects. And couple of times she said, “Now this scene is what I really should have covered your eyes for,” and laughed even more.

The movie it turned out to be? Conan the Barbarian.

Unfiltered Story #95694

, , | Unfiltered | September 25, 2017

At work one day, someone calls the store. I pick up.

Me: [Dollar Store], how can I help you?

Customer (on the phone): Hi there, I was here yesterday, and I bought a bag of that premade popcorn. Just after I opened it and ate a few pieces, I looked at the expiration date and it expired two days ago!

(People from the popcorn company just stocked and rotated all their products the previous morning, so there was no way there were any expired products on the shelves, but I decided to humor her.)

Me: Oh, I’m sorry about that, ma’am. If you bring in the rest of the popcorn in the bag and your receipt, we may be able to exchange it for you.

Customer: Oh, that won’t be necessary. I’m leaving tonight. But I don’t want to get sick while I’m gone! If food poisoning from this expired popcorn ruins my vacation, I’m going to be very upset! You all really need to pay attention to your stock! [click]

I wonder if she knows that you can’t get food poisoning from processed popcorn?

Take The Advice Of The Hire Power

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2017

(I am working at a coffee shop, and this is my first time using the cash register. I am pretty fast for someone who is new, but still slow overall. Thankfully, there are only three people in line at most, so there is never a wait longer than three minutes.)

Me: “Hello! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Finally! This took forever.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the delay; I’m new here, and this is my first day on cash register.”

Customer: “There are always new people here. They need to stop hiring so many new people.”

Me: “We have had a lot of people leave recently.”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter!”

Me: “So… they shouldn’t hire employees?”

Customer: “…”

(Thermo)Dynamically Reacting To A Crazy Request

, , | Right | September 23, 2017

(I’ve worked at many different pools, but the number one complaint I get, no matter what pool I’m at, is that “the pool is too cold.” Some people don’t understand that a pool is not a bathtub, and we can’t turn up the heat on demand. Since the pool is so big, and filters gallons of water in and out, it literally takes days to cool down or heat up the pool. Furthermore, health and safety policies dictate that we have to keep the pool within a certain temperature range. My response to this complaint for years has been to explain these facts, and tell them what the temperature reading was at the last pool test. One day, at one of the biggest pools I’ve worked at, an elderly woman enters the pool and makes a big show of acting like she has just stepped into ice water.)

Patron: “The water is so cold today.”

Me: “The last temperature reading said 85 degrees.”

Patron: *confused* “What does that mean?”

Me: “Our policy aims to have our pool between 83 and 87 degrees in order to operate. We’re actually above the minimum level.”

Patron: “So, you have two more degrees to go.”

Me: “Uh, yes. Two more degrees until the maximum.”

Patron: “So, turn it up.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “It’s far too cold to be comfortable. Get someone to turn up the heat.”

Me: “Ma’am, if we turn it up too much, then the competitive swimmers could overheat.”

Patron: “You just said that you could go two degrees higher, so just go to the back and turn up the switch.”

Me: “Uh, I’m actually not trained to—”

Patron: “And hurry up; I’m only here for half an hour today.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but there is no way the heat will increase that much in so little time.”

(I’m about to explain to her why this is, when she sees a maintenance worker come onto the pool deck.)

Patron: “Oh, you’re useless. I’ll just ask [Worker]; he knows what to do.”

(She gets his attention and asks him what she asked me. I continue to guard, but I listen in, expecting him to say the same thing I did. To my surprise, I hear him say, “No problem,” and he walks away. The patron smiles smugly at me and begins her walking workout, while I stand there confused. Ten minutes later, he comes back, and I approach him before the lady sees him.)

Me: “Did you really turn up the heat for the pool?”

Worker: *smirks* “Oh, no, that’s just a line I shoot them so they’ll get off my back.”

(He then walks over to the lady.)

Worker: “How’s that?”

Patron: “Much better; thank you.”

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