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They Must Be Whacking That Weed

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2020

My mother and I are interested in a bar fridge we saw on sale yesterday. Knowing they might not have it anymore, we still take a trolley up with us just in case, since neither of us drives and the store is within walking distance.

I’m standing in the store while my mother talks to an employee. I’m approached by another customer who seems to be a little off. The customer notices my trolley.

Other Customer: “Do you guys still have those weed whackers I saw the other day?”

Me: “Um… I’m not sure?” *Confused*

Other Customer: *Seeming frustrated* “Never mind. I see them. You guys have them over here!”

The other customer walked away and I looked down at my clothing; I was wearing black yoga pants and a big red “Super Mario” shirt, and carrying a small purse over it. I’m still not sure what he thought.

You’re Forked

, , | Right | May 6, 2020

The phone rings and I pick it up.

Me: “Hello, this is [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I was here yesterday; did you see me?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know what you look like, sir. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “I was here yesterday and I left something behind.”

Me: “Well, maybe we have it here. What did you leave behind, sir?”

Customer: “My spoon and fork. Did you see it?”

Me: “Did you bring your own personal spoon and fork?”

Our cutlery does not match and is not counted; there is virtually no way we could identify an odd fork.

Customer: “Yes! Did you see it?”

Me: “Our cutlery is all different, sir. We couldn’t identify yours. You’re welcome to come and choose a spoon and fork from our tray.”

Customer: “I just want to know if you saw my spoon and fork.”

Me: “Well, do you know where you left it, sir?”

Customer: “On the table.”

Me: “Well, we probably took it for one of ours, sir. Do you want to come and see our cutlery?”

Customer: “Did you see my spoon and fork?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. You have a nice day, sir.”

Watch Your Mouth, Or I’ll Call Your Father!

, , , , , , , | Healthy | May 6, 2020

I have injured the inside of my mouth to the point where I am drooling a copious amount of blood. I text my parents telling them what’s happening before I head to the emergency room. While I wait, I text back and forth with my mother until I’m seen by the doctor.

Due to the current global health crisis, the emergency room is practically empty and I am admitted almost ten minutes later.

Doctor: “Your name is [My Name], and your birthdate is [date], correct?”

I nod, as it’s hard for me to speak.

Doctor: “All right, I’m going to have a look at your mouth here.”

She begins my exam and chuckles slightly.

Doctor: “You know, you share the same last name as one of the doctors here. What a small world, huh?”

My last name, though somewhat common, is uncommon in the area we live in. I type on my phone so she can see.

My Text: “My dad is the chief of emergency medicine; [Father]. Please treat me like a normal patient and just let him know what your action plan is, or he’ll worry.”

Doctor: *Reading* “Oh! I thought your mouth looked familiar!”

I try my best not to smile as she finishes her exam, which ends with me gaining seven stitches at the back of my mouth. The doctor disappears for a few minutes, returning with a lollipop for me for being “such a brave boy.”

Doctor: “Well, since you were such a good boy, I got you a lollipop, and there is a surprise waiting for you at the front door. Have a good night and take care of yourself, [My Name]!”

I thanked her and began to leave, walking through the deserted lobby. I suddenly heard my name being called from behind one of the doors to the emergency department, and there was my father, who I hadn’t seen in three weeks due to the crisis.


This story was included in our May 2020 Inspirational Roundup.

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The Card Will Expire Before You’re Done

, , , , , | Right | May 6, 2020

I’m working the returns and customer service desk at a home improvement store when an elderly lady comes in with a thick accent and a return. I process the return, which was paid with debit, so it goes back to her debit card.

Customer: “What do I do?”

Me: “Just put your chip card in the machine and follow the prompts. It’s just like making a purchase except I’m giving you money.”

She puts in her card and I turn my back. I don’t want to be accused of trying to spy on her PIN code. 

I hear the machine beep and a small receipt spits out. The transaction was cancelled.

Customer: “I’m done?”

I turn back to the customer:

Me: “Looks like it was cancelled by accident; let’s just try that again.”

I reset the machine.

Customer: “What do I do?”

Me: “Just put your chip card in the machine and—”

The customer hits “Cancel.”

Customer: “I have my money?”

Me: “No, looks like we’re just having some technical problems. One more time, chip in the bottom.”

I reset it again. The customer puts the card in the machine.

Customer: “Now what?”

Me: “It’s just like when you use it to buy. Press ‘Yes.’ The amount is correct.”

I reach over and press “Yes.”

Me: “Now, just select the account: chequing or savings—”

The customer hits “Cancel.”

Customer: “Do I get a receipt?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see my supervisor shaking slightly. I reset the machine, yet again.

Me: “Of course, as soon as we finish your return. Let me just come around and see what’s going on.”

Customer: “What do I do?”

Me: “Let’s just put the card back in the machine. Now, don’t hit the big red button. Then, ‘Yes,’ the amount is good, so just select the account: chequing or savings.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Chequing or savings?”

Customer: “Chaving!”

The customer hits “Cancel.” I see my supervisor shaking hard, covering her mouth, and slipping into the office just behind us. I reset the machine.

Me: “One more time. We’ll get this. Just select the account: chequing or savings.”

Customer: “Just select the… chaving.”

Me: “Just press the button for the account.”

I have my hand over the keypad so she can’t hit “Cancel” now.

Customer: “…”

Me: “Just press the button for—”

Customer: *Still not moving* “Chaving.”

I take a stab and press “Chequing.”

Me: “Great! Now just enter your PIN and hit the green enter button.”

She enters her PIN and… “Cancel.”

Customer: “You give me money now?”

Me: “Not just yet. We’ll get it this time for sure.”

We get to the PIN. I’m watching like a hawk now, privacy be d***ed!

Me: “So, enter your PIN.”

The customer enters her PIN and I slap my hand over the PIN pad. 

Me: “Is that your whole PIN?”

Customer: “Yes.”

I take a deep breath and press “Enter,” fearing and hoping at the same time. Transaction complete and the receipt spits out.

Customer: “You give me money now?”

Me: “Yep, it’s been put back to your debit card, just the way you paid.”

I hand her the receipts with all the cancelled copies and bid her a good day. I’m standing there, dumbfounded by what I’ve just seen and just glad it’s over, when my supervisor comes out.

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, I had to leave before I burst out laughing. How did she buy the stuff in the first place?!”

Me: “How did she find her way back to the store?”

When Airheads Are Allowed To Drive

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2020

A lady pulls up at our gas station.

Lady: “Can you take the winter air out of my tires and put the summer air in?”