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When Katy Perry Is Your Interviewer

, , , , , , | Working | July 8, 2020

When I am looking for a job, I find a listing that sounds right up my alley. I apply and get an interview.

I normally have fair-to-middling success at interviews; some are good, some not so good. This is one of the good ones; in fact, it is INCREDIBLE. I have answers for every question. I make my interviewer laugh a few times. We know some of the same people.

It goes so well, and it is such a good fit for me, I almost expect to be offered the job on the spot. Instead:

Interviewer: “Well, this has been a real pleasure.”

Me: “Thank you! I feel the same way.”

Interviewer: “We have one other candidate that we’re considering, but I should have an answer for you by the end of the week.”

Fair enough. I am a bit disappointed, but I am still optimistic. A couple of days later, I get this email from the interviewer:

Interviewer: “Thank you for your interest in [Company]. You were one of our top candidates, and it was very difficult to choose between you and the other person. In the end, that other person was slightly more qualified. But don’t give up! We’re hiring all the time, and another position will probably open up shortly. Please apply again, and mention my name in your application so that I see it right away.”

Well, that is very encouraging. Sure enough, only a couple of weeks later, I see another identical job posting from that company. I apply immediately, mentioning my interviewer’s name as she recommended.

A week goes by, then two, and then three. I think maybe my application has somehow slipped through the cracks, so I email the interviewer. I let her know that I’ve taken her advice and reapplied for [Position], and I am very much looking forward to hearing from her. I get back this response:

Interviewer: “Yes, we received your application. Thank you.”

That was it. I practically got frostbite reading it. I never got another interview with that company, and to this day, I have no idea what happened.

Doesn’t Alanis Morissette Have A Song About This?

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 8, 2020

My best friend and maid of honour is an absolute sweetheart. However, her mother, who I have known for almost thirty years now, is one of the most negative people I have ever encountered. For her, the glass is not just half-empty; it has stale water, a cat hair, a chip, and a lipstick stain on it.

Fast forward to my bridal shower, where my sister — who has known my friend’s mom for her entire life — is making polite small talk with my her.

Sister: “So, the venue for the ceremony is going to be really nice.”

Friend’s Mom: “Where is it?”

Sister: “[My Name] booked a really pretty museum downtown.”

Friend’s Mom: “Well, let’s hope that traffic cooperates. Driving downtown is horrible!”

Sister: “Yes, well, we should be fine.”

Friend’s Mom: “And let’s hope the weather cooperates. I don’t want to be out in a rainstorm!”

Sister: “Well, the great thing about the space is that it is indoors with some outdoor balcony space, so we are good no matter what.”

Friend’s Mom: “Well, I hope it isn’t too hot. June is too hot for weddings. They are always so uncomfortable.”

Sister: *Visibly annoyed* “I hope the weather is nice, too! Fortunately, museums are temperature controlled, so the AC should be just fine.”

Friend’s Mom: “Well, let’s hope the power doesn’t go out!

My sister gave up, made a polite, mumbled excuse, and fled to some other guests. The power didn’t go out, no tornadoes or natural disasters occurred, and the day was lovely. 

And yes, she is still as pessimistic today as ever.

Once You Go Black, You Never Go Medium

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2020

I’m eating my dinner at a rest stop when I overhear this exchange.

Cashier: “What size would you like your iced coffee?”

Customer: “Black.”

When You Almost Became THAT Customer

, , , , , | Right | July 7, 2020

I’m the customer in this story and I’m quite pregnant, so I’m not as sharp as I normally am.

Cashier: *Taking my order* “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Me: “Hi. Can I have a medium half coffee, half hot chocolate?”

Cashier: “Sorry, we don’t have that here.”

The cashier points to available selections on the menu above her head.

Me: “Sorry, some places call it a mocha.”

I normally don’t just ask for a mocha because some places put whipped cream on it.

Cashier: “We don’t have the machine for it.”

Me: *Still not getting it* “So, you aren’t able to just mix a coffee with hot chocolate?”

Cashier: “I’ll tell you what. I can use this [Hot Chocolate] mix and stir it into your coffee for you. We can’t normally do it because it’s not a menu item.”

Me: “Oh! Oh, my gosh! I’m so sorry! I just figured it out. Thank you! I’m so sorry for being so stunned!” *Laughs*

The cashier was so gracious and patient with me. I literally had no idea what she was talking about until she reached for the packet of powdered hot chocolate. I felt like such an idiot leaving and immediately thought of Not Always Right.

This Issue Has Spread From Beverly Hills To New Zealand

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2020

I work in a call center doing Internet support — DSL — for a large US company. The call center is in Canada.

Me: “Thank you for calling.”

I do my standard scripted greeting.

Caller: “What are you going to do about my problem?”

Her tone of voice makes it clear she is furious about something.

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to tell me what the problem is first.”

In four years of working here, this is the ONLY call I have ever had where the customer is unwilling to explain the problem.

Caller: *Growling* “Read the notes.”

She has obviously called us before and knows that we keep detailed notes of every call so that customers won’t have to reexplain things multiple times. This is fine, so I start reading the extensive notes. I have barely started, when…

Caller: *Demanding* “What are you going to do to solve my problem?”

Me: *Patiently* “Ma’am, you’re going to need to give me a couple of minutes to read all this; there is a lot of information here.”

She clearly has no patience for that, so she lays out the problem. Long story short, she and her husband had moved house and transferred their phone lines to their cell phones temporarily until they could move into their new place. I don’t know where they were staying in the meantime.

They had DSL on the old phone number and apparently ran a business on the same account — even though it was a residential account, not a business one — and they could no longer do sales activity on their website. This was dramatically hurting their business because they were no longer able to take online orders.

She had called at least a couple of times previously, explained the problem to whatever agent she got, and found the answers from the agent unsatisfactory, so she had demanded to speak to a supervisor.

The supervisor analyzed her situation and said it was an easy fix and he’d have her account working the next day. But now it is the next day and her account still isn’t working, so she is FURIOUS.

Me: “Ma’am, I am afraid that the supervisor you had spoken to was ‘mistaken.’”

I wanted to say the truth — incompetent — but knew I’d get in trouble for that since our calls are monitored.

Me: “The fundamental problem is that your DSL can’t possibly work over a cell phone. You would have to get another landline, and once you do, we can put DSL service on it. This would take at least ten days from when you get the service.”

Caller: “This problem is all your fault!”

This is even though SHE had cancelled the old landline, but I acknowledge that whoever she spoke to when she cancelled the landline — a different department in a different city — SHOULD, in an ideal world, have determined that she had DSL and warned her that that would go away when she cancelled the landline.

That calms her down somewhat and I actually feel some real empathy for her because she obviously isn’t technical — very few of our callers are — and has no experience to tell her that dropping the landline will affect her DSL. The previous people she talked to at our company had NOT done a good job with her which, sadly, was far from unusual in our company.

Anyway, now that she finally understands what happened and what has to happen to restore her service, she asks:

Caller: “Can you explain everything to my husband?”

A major part of our performance evaluation is on our “handle time” — the amount of time we spend on a call — and I am already well past the danger zone so I’m not keen on it, but…

Me: “Sure, put him on and I’ll explain it to him.”

Caller: “Well, he isn’t here right now; he’s out of town on business. You could call him.”

Me: “Where is he?”

Caller: “New Zealand.”

I ask a supervisor if we have any kind of tie line to New Zealand, but no one knows; it is very unlikely since the company has no operations there and no reason to call New Zealand.

Me: “Ma’am, I have been making extensive notes. He should call back at his convenience — we operate 24/7/365 — and whatever agent he gets will be able to explain the situation and the resolution to him based on my notes.” 

She was satisfied with that and left the call. As I concluded my notes, I finally had a chance to see where this woman lived, and it was on Beverly Hills Boulevard in Beverly Hills, a very posh street I’d driven down once on vacation!