Time To Walk Them Through It

, , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(The number one rule at pools is no running. Just don’t do it. I’ve seen some pretty gruesome injuries as a result. One day, I’m lifeguarding, and this kid is just not getting the “no running” rule. We’ve warned him three times and still see him literally sprinting from one side to the other. My coworker finally has enough the fourth time.)

Coworker: *as loud as she can* “HEY, YOU!” *the kid stops and looks like a deer in headlights* “COME HERE!”

(The kid walks, for the first time at a reasonable speed, up to her, looking scared. We can kick people out of the pool, and I’m pretty sure he assumes that is about to happen.)

Coworker: “All right. Can you lift up your left leg?”

Kid: “Uh, yeah.”

(He does so.)

Coworker: “Okay, and put it down?”

(The kid does that.)

Coworker: “Now lift up your right leg and put it down.”

(The kid does all these things and stares at her, confused.)

Coworker: “Great! What you just did is called walking. That is what I and the other lifeguards have been trying to get you to do the whole time you’ve been here. Not because it’s optional, but because it’s safer! Now that we’ve established that you can walk, you better slow down, or you can’t be here anymore. Understand?”

(The kid nodded and never ran the rest of his stay.)

Not In Receipt Of Your Hints

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I am the manager on duty right now. I am helping customers on the sales floor when a woman asks for my help with some new coats that just came in a week or so ago.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Is this on sale?” *points to sign on the rack that reads “Jackets, 30% off”*

Me: “Yes, they are! They’re 30% off and they just came in!”

Customer: “I bought two last week and I paid full price for them!”

Me: “Oh, do you have your receipt? We can give you a price adjustment today if you have it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t. But I bought two full-price last week.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when you get the receipt, come back and we will give you a price adjustment as long as the sale is still on.”

Customer: “I bought two full price ones last week, but I changed my purse so I don’t have the receipt.”

Me: “That’s no problem; you can get your price adjustment whenever you can bring the receipt in. No time limit, as long as the sale is on.”

Customer: “But I bought two full price jackets last week! This one and the grey one! In fact, you helped me! It was about $300!”

Me: “Right, and we can refund you if you go get the receipt.”

Customer: “I changed purses and it’s in my other purse.”

Me: *sighing inwardly in frustration* “We will give you the 30% off when you bring the receipt in, but I can’t do anything without the receipt.”

Customer: “I bought them for $[total] and it’s 30% off, so I should get $[amount] back!”

Me: “Yup, just get your receipt and you’ll get it back!”

Customer: “I don’t have my receipt; I changed purses!”

Me: “Then I can’t help you today.”

(I walk away to help other customers but she follows me, holding up two jackets.)

Customer: “I bought two full price jackets — this one and this one — last week! They are on sale now!”

Me:Yes! They are, and you can get your money back if you bring in the receipt, which is in your other purse! I cannot give you a price adjustment without the receipt.”

(The customer proceeds to repeat her receipt and purse story.)

Me: “Come back when you have your receipt.”

(I walked away, and every time she tried to talk to me to tell me about her jackets she bought, I said, “I’ll talk to you when you have your receipt,” and kept walking away. After a few minutes she got the hint and left.)

That’s Your Opinion But No One Asked For It

, , , | Learning | October 12, 2017

That’s Your Opinion But No One Asked For It

 

Middle School, Canada

 

(I teach grade seven, which means I do get a lot of hormonal kids. The best is those that want to be seen as adults, so they pick little fights to showcase their independence. This is amplified by the end of the year with one female student.)

 

Me: “Okay, [Student], remember that survey we did? You had great answers; I just need you to add some missing details.”

 

Student: “Why do I have to add more? I’m done with this. You can’t make me change my opinion; it’s my opinion.”

 

Me: “I didn’t ask you to change your opinion; I’m just saying we need more examples with your work. See here: you wrote a great answer, but the survey asked for an example of how you showcased your answer in the course.”

 

Student: “But it’s my opinion; that’s what I wanted to write. Why do I have to change it?”

 

(The best incident is after a fun field trip for a high school event. One of the high school teachers gives the teachers a bunch of toys to give our kids. This happens when I’m about to give out the toys.)

Me: “Mrs. [Teacher] gave you guys some gifts, which was really nice of her.”

Student: “Ugh, I hate that teacher.”

Me: “I didn’t ask you how you felt about her. I was saying she gave us gifts. Let’s listen—”

Student: “Well, that’s my opinion. You can’t get mad at me for having an opinion.”

Me: “Again, did I say, ‘you need to change your opinion’? No. I said, ‘you need to listen,’ and I didn’t ask what your opinion was, either.”

Student: *yelling* “But it’s my opinion!”

Me: “Okay, you know what? Go to the office.”

Student: “What?”

Me: “You’re distracting others and the lesson with this. Go sit at the study carrel and come back when you’re ready to listen.”

Student: *goes and grabs the office pass in anger* “WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO TELL ME TO GO AWAY BUT I CAN’T TELL YOU TO GO AWAY!?”

(She eventually did calm down, but no one was ever trying to get her to change her opinion.)

Perfect Comic Timing

, , , , , | Related | October 12, 2017

(My mom and I are helping my grandparents move closer to home, when my grandma loses her vision completely. She is also diagnosed with the beginnings of dementia, so it’s a bit of a sad change for her and my grandpa. During the move, we go to eat at a restaurant. We have to leave by 1:00 pm to meet a car salesman at a dealership, so my grandparents can sell their car. My phone dies, and my mom leaves her phone in the car, so as we’re preparing to leave, we don’t know what time it is.)

Grandpa: “I don’t want to be late. Why isn’t there a clock in here?”

Mom: “We’re not late, Dad, don’t worry. [My Name], is your phone—”

Me: “Completely dead.”

Mom: “Darn. Mom, you always have a watch. Do you have it with you?”

(We all look at Grandma expectantly and she looks back at us, as best she can, like we’ve lost it.)

Grandma: “What good would that do?”

(Cue us laughing and remembering that my grandma was blind. Out of four people, the one diagnosed with dementia showed the most common sense.)

They’re Not “Torn” As To Which Student To Pick

, , , , | Learning | October 12, 2017

(I’m studying broadcasting, hoping to get a job in radio. In one of our projects, we have to design a contest for the college radio station, then actually go out into the real world, meet with real businesses, and get them to sponsor it. I’ve got a meeting with a prospective sponsor, so for an extra air of professionalism, I decide to wear my suit. On my way out, I run into one of my instructors in the hallway.)

Instructor: “And what are you all dressed up for?”

Me: “Oh, it’s for the promotions project. I’m off to a meeting with a potential sponsor.”

Instructor: “Well, I’m glad one of you guys knows how to dress to make sales calls.”

(Yeah, turns out my classmates giving their presentations in torn T-shirts weren’t doing so well at rounding up sponsors.)

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