A Miraculous Comeback

, , , | Related | November 17, 2017

(When my parents married, they waited five years until they had me. They always wanted another child but decided to wait until I was five. My sister had other plans, apparently, and was born only two years later. My sister and I jokingly fight:)

Me: “Oh, yeah? Well, at least I wasn’t an accident!”

Sister: “I. Was. A. Miracle!

Wish They Would Stop Trucking Swearing

, , , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(The mall where I work has construction going on near our store, and the nearest mall door is closed off to customers. There are security guards posted to let construction and mall workers in and out. One of my employees has used the emergency exit in our backroom that opens up into the designated smoking area and the construction area. He returns from his smoke break and opens the door to the backroom to come back to work, followed by someone who shouldn’t be in my backroom. The stranger walks right past me and out of my store.)

Me: “What the…?”

Employee: “He’s a foreman or something for the construction, and the security guards aren’t there to let him in. I just did him a favour.”

Me: “How noble of you, but you know better than to let a random dude from outside into the backroom! If the managers or head office had come in, you’d be in a ton of trouble! No more randoms through the backroom door, understood?”

Employee: “Yeah, I get it. My bad.”

(Ten minutes later, the same random dude walks back into the store.)

Construction Guy: “Can you let me out through there?”

Me: “No, sir. I can’t have non-employees going into the backroom. [Employee] let you in to do you a favour, but I can’t let you exit through there.”

Construction Guy: “Seriously? I’ve already been back there; stop being a d*** and just let me leave. The exit doors won’t open.”

Me: “Yeah, and that was a one-time deal, and a mistake that [Employee] made. But I can’t let you back there again. The security personnel just walked past the store; if you catch up to them, they’ll be more than happy to let you out.”

Construction Guy: “What the f***?! My truck is sitting out there!”

Me: “If you keep being so ridiculously crass in a store full of kids, I’m going to have security remove you. [Employee], call the security office.”

Construction Guy: “F*** YOU, A**HOLE! IF SOMEBODY STEALS MY TRUCK I’LL F****** SUE YOU!”

Me: “You can try, and now I’m going to escort you to the door.” *starts to walk around the counter*

Construction Guy: “Whatever! Hope you have a great day, b****!”

Me: “Thank you; I will. You take care, now.”

(He started to walk out, head turned to continue screaming profanities at me, and promptly walked right into the massive glass window at the front of the store. All the customers started laughing at him as he picked himself up and stormed out, as I chuckled and waved goodbye.)

The “T” In LBTQA Stands For “Texan”

, , , , , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(Our class is doing presentations on news articles and how they impact us as global citizens. A girl in our class does a presentation about the Texas Transgender Bathroom Bill. When talking about how it impacts her as a global citizen, she says:)

Student #1: “This impacts me as a global citizen because it affects the LGBT community and their rights. It is important that others know about this bill and how it could impact others. It’s also important to me because I am a part of the community in this article, and I want to prevent my rights from being taken away.”

(It’s an incredibly powerful moment and it is very well-received by the class. As she goes to sit down, a student behind her taps her on the shoulder.)

Student #2: “Wow, [Student #1], I didn’t know you were from Texas.”

(Apparently, [Student #2] got confused about which community she said she was a part of.)

A Pot Of Bother

, , , , , , | Working | November 17, 2017

(My supervisor is going to a new hotel opening to help with training. The hotel is an hour-and-a-half drive away. It is going to be a long night, so she wants suggestions as to what will help keep her awake at work and on the drive home.)

Supervisor: “I have to drive to Red Deer tonight and stay up and train the night auditors. Can I take anything to help me stay awake?”

Coworker: “Just stick to coffee.”

Supervisor: “How about if I smoke ‘the pot?’”

Me: “The what?”

Coworker: “’The pot?’”

Me: “Oh, NO! Nope. Bad idea.”

Coworker: “It’ll make you sleepy and paranoid, and your driving will be worse.”

Me: “As if that’s possible.”

Coworker: “Shh.”

Supervisor: “Oh, it won’t keep me awake?”

Me: “Nope, maybe hungry, though.”

(At this point my coworker and I stop trying to hide the laughter.)

Supervisor: “You two are awful.”

Coworker: “If you’re gonna smoke ‘the pot,’ please bring us!”

Me: “So we can watch.”

Supervisor: “I’m leaving; go do your jobs!”

Someone Worth Talking About

, , , , , , , | Related | November 17, 2017

(A group of new students has just started jobs at my workplace. I mention this fact in conversation with my mother.)

Me: “A bunch of new students started today.”

Mom: “That’s nice. Was one of them called [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yeah. Why?”

Mom: “I think I work with his parents; they were talking about how their son was just starting his first job today, and I think they mentioned that he was at [My Workplace].”

Me: “I’ve yet to see any evidence that [Coworker] knows how to stop talking.”

Mom: *pause* “Oh, so, he takes after his mother, then.”

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