Going Back In Time

, , , | Right | November 14, 2019

(One of our customers is a little old-fashioned, though not very old. He used to be a fax/phone-only guy, but when his fax died I talked him into getting email. He’s a small, one-man operation, working out of his house. We’d been using the email for seven months when I got this call.)

Customer: “Hi, [My Name].”

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “You can start using my fax again, that’s how.”

Me: “Your fax? I thought it broke?”

Customer: “Yep, I bought a new one!”

Me: “You bought a new fax machine?”

Customer: “Yep! Personal fax machines are hard to find now, but I got one! So you can get rid of the email account!”

(Why would you replace your email with a fax machine?!)

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Unfiltered Story #177682

, , , | Unfiltered | November 14, 2019

This happened recently during a super busy night. We have chicken burgers on our menu, and since day 1 they’ve been made with chicken ground in-house. The front of house manager comes to the me (chef) with a returned chicken burger:

Manager: “Hey… just to check, this is the regular chicken burger, right? Not our veggie chicken?”
Me: (taking one look at it) “Yup… that’s regular chicken, do I need to make a new veggie one?”
Manager: “No no… this customer just keeps saying it’s not chicken, I thought I was going crazy for a second”

He leaves and comes back 5 minutes later:
Manager: “So… that customer wants to talk to you, he’s not angry or anything, please come?”
Luckily he came in a small lull in service, so I went to speak to this customer.

Me: (hiding my annoyance) “Is everything alright?”
Customer: (waving the burger in my face) “This isn’t chicken”
Me: “Uh… yes… it is…”
Customer: “No it isn’t, chicken has fibres and everything, this isn’t chicken! What is this?!”
Me: “I assure you, sir, it’s chicken. We just pass it through a grinder and form it into patties…”
Customer: “No it isn’t! This isn’t chicken! I ordered the chicken burger because I had it last time and it was pieces of chicken together! This isn’t chicken, I don’t know what this is!”
Me: “Like I said sir… this is chicken, I don’t know where you had that before, but it certainly wasn’t here, as this is how we’ve done our chicken burgers since day one…”
Customer: “Stop lying! I’ve had it before here! WHERE’S THE CHICKEN?? WHAT IS THIS?!”
At this moment I couldn’t help but laugh and just walked away.

The manager was annoyed with me at first, but apparently the guy didn’t leave any complaints.

Ever since then the kitchen staff will periodically pick random food items up (usually vegetables) and scream: “WHERE’S THE CHICKEN?! WHAT IS THIS?!!”

Humanity Has Forgotten How To Take Stairs

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 13, 2019

On my way back to the office after going to grab a tea and some food, I decided to take the underground route as opposed to going the outside route. I was on the escalator going down watching two ladies at the bottom. The up escalator was off for maintenance and blocked off so we were required to take the stairs.

The two women stood at the bottom looking rather confused. Finally, one of them moved forward, walked up a couple steps, stopped and looked around, and turned to the other and asked, “Why is it not moving?” Her friend, looking equally perplexed, shrugged her shoulders in response.

One of the women looked at me for a moment as I turned my gaze to the clearly out of service escalator on the other side. She followed my gaze and it suddenly dawned on her. She looked at the other woman and exclaimed, “Oh, it’s broken; that’s why it’s not moving,” and proceeded to run up the stairs. The other one looked around and said, “Well, it should be more clearly marked!”

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Unfiltered Story #177164

, | Unfiltered | November 13, 2019

I am the front desk manager at a hotel in a small, isolated Maritime city that happens to be a very popular tourist destination. We are several hours away from the next big city and as such hotel rooms are in very high demand here during the summer months. This story takes place earlier in the summer during a very busy period when we are completely sold out of rooms, like every other hotel in the area. We had been sold out at this point for the past several weeks and we don’t have any vacancies coming up for at least another couple weeks.
I get a call one night from my front desk employee telling me she has an irate customer at the front desk and she needs my help. I hear the lady screaming in the background so without asking for details, I throw on some clothes, hop in my car and rush over. I walk in and am greeted by a tirade of swear words coming from this tiny, well dressed woman. I approach her and introduce myself.
Me: Hello! I am the manager, I understand we have a problem
Customer: Damn right we have a problem! This b***h won’t give me my f***ing room! I paid for it months ago, I flew all the way out here, 12 hours on a crowded plane and all I want to do is sleep! This dumb excuse for an employee is telling me that I don’t have a reservation and that you don’t even have a room! I’ve got the F***ing confirmation right here!
She shoves a hand full of papers at me which I take and read.
Me: I see. Well I’m sorry to hear about this ma’am, let’s see if we can sort all this out.
Customer: I don’t wanna here “sort this out.” I want a f***ing room and I want it in the next 2 minutes. Understood? You c**t.
Me: first of all, you will watch your language otherwise I will have you escorted off the property. Second, according to the paper work you just handed me, your reservation was for last week.
Customer: What?!! F**k you! I booked that room for tonight for 3 days, you guys must have screwed this up somehow!
At this point I am behind the desk pulling up her reservation in the system. I see that her room was in fact booked through a 3rd party website which meant that she not only paid in full but that she herself would have selected the dates. I see that she was a no show and that the 3rd party company paid us the no show fee.
Me: Ma’am, I’m very sorry to tell you this but you did in fact book your room for last week and you were a no show. If this happened during the winter when things are slower I might be able to make you a deal on a new room but I don’t even have one to offer you at full price. We are booked solid tonight and every night until the end of the month. I’m terribly sorry ma’am.
Customer:…what. did. You. SAY?! F**K YOU! You are not telling me this! I don’t want to hear this right now.
Me: Ma’am I’m…
Customer: NO! You guys screwed this up, I didn’t make a mistake! I booked that room for tonight! You guys messed this up somehow and if you won’t give me a room then you will give me my money back so that I can take my business elsewhere.
Me: This reservation was pre-paid and non cancellable so even if I wanted to refund your no show fee I couldn’t. We weren’t the ones who took your money, (3rd party company) did and they are far less flexible than we are. I’m sorry but you were a no show, you lost your reservation and as much as I would love to help you there are simply no options here. There are only 4 hotels in this area and they are all fully booked. The next closest one is (town nearly 3 hours away) and I’m fairly certain they will be fully booked too.
Customer: Are you kidding me?! I’m not going all that way for a bloody hotel room! How would I even get there? I came by plane, I didn’t drive! You’re going to pay for my taxi to get to (other town)
Me: Again, I would love to help you but you made a mistake. You booked your room for the wrong day and you missed your reservation. You selected the dates yourself, you confirmed them before submitting your payment and you even had the confirmation printed on paper in your own hands. I’m sorry but we haven’t done anything wrong in this situation and as much as I would like to help you there is no compensation I can provide. If you want to go to (next town) for a room I can absolutely make the arrangements for travel and accommodation but it will be at your expense. Otherwise you are welcome to take a cot free of charge and spend the night in one of our empty conference rooms until you make other arrangements.
Customer: This is bulls**t! I have never had such terrible customer service in my entire life! I someone books a room you are supposed to have one set aside for them for when they get here!
Me: Again ma’am, we DID have a rooms et aside for you, LAST WEEK when you reserved it. You didn’t show up!
Customer: How is it my problem that you don’t have a room for me tonight, hmm? Explain that to me.
Me: YOU booked the room on line. YOU selected the dates. YOU had the confirmation in your hands. YOU made the mistake.
Customer: I didn’t make a mistake! The damn website wouldn’t let me book for today, I kept getting a stupid error message, something about the hotel being closed. I called and the guy who answered said you never closed and that this is a 24 hour establishment so it must have been a mistake on your end. I had no choice but to change the date to last weeks date because that was the only way it would let my reservation go through.
Me: So you acknowledge that you selected those dates then?
Customer: Yes! Because it wouldn’t let me book for tonight but the intention was to be here TONIGHT!
Me: Ok, first of all ma’am when you get a message that the hotel is closed, that means that we are sold out and have closed our online booking so that people can’t reserve rooms that we don’t have. If the site doesn’t let you book for a certain day it’s because you can’t. Booking for another day will only guarantee you a room for the day you booked. You chose dates for last week, that was when your room was booked for. If you try to book a flight for tomorrow and the flight is sold out, do you think you could book a flight for next week and still get on the plain tomorrow?
Customer: Well of course not, that would be stupid.
As she says this a look of realization crosses her face and she gets really red and starts to cry.
Customer: I’m an idiot. I’m here for an important business meeting, we could lose these clients if I don’t rock this meeting and that could cost me my job! I’m already on thin ice here…I can’t even take another room elsewhere, this was paid by the company and I’m on a budget. Can I just take that cot like you offered then?
Me: Absolutely ma’am, and again I am terribly sorry that you have to go through all this.
She ended up sleeping in the conference room and left the next day. She wasn’t able to find other accommodations and the 3rd party company was not willing to reimburse her. She told me the next morning before leaving that the meeting was cancelled since she had nowhere to stay and that she would most likely be demoted upon returning to work. I felt bad but I hope she learns a lesson. We may have been closed on line but we physically had a couple rooms left on the day she booked. If she had at least called we could have booker her that room directly at the hotel but she chose to take a short cut.

How To Make An American Go Loonie

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2019

(I live in a small Canadian town and the area is a well-known spot for touristic deer hunting, so it’s not unusual for us to have a number of American customers. I can tell this is the situation for one group of men that comes in one day; all are wearing full camouflage and have thick Southern accents.)

Customer: “You didn’t give me my change!”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Customer: “You’re trying to rip me off, aren’t you?! You owe me two dollars change, and now you’re trying to convince me that this is two dollars! I know better than that! What are these gold things?!

(He shoves his hand towards me… where he holds two loonies. I have a very hard time not taking my palm to my face.)

Me: *calmly* “That’s two dollars; in Canada, we have a loonie, which is a dollar coin instead of a dollar bill.”

(He said nothing and walked back to his table.)

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