The Couponator 25: The Cheese Explosion

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2021

I’m working my regular Saturday shift when a customer comes through the door. 

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Place], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I have this coupon for a free pizza.”

I take the coupon and look at it.

Me: “Yes, this is for a large one-topping pizza. What topping would you like?”

Customer: “I want pepperoni, hamburger, and extra cheese.”

Me: “That is three toppings, and this coupon is only for one topping. So, which of those would you like?”

Customer: “I want pepperoni, hamburger, and extra cheese.”

Me: “Yes, but I can only give you one of those. If you want three toppings, you can just buy a pizza and use your coupon next time.”

The customer widens their eyes and looks slightly crazy.

Customer: “I want my hamburger! And don’t forget extra cheese!”

Since he is only asking for two toppings now and I want to get rid of him, I ask my manager if that is okay.

Me: “Hey, this guy is crazy and won’t leave me alone. Can I just give him two toppings so he will leave faster?”

Manager: “He wants extra cheese, so just type it in as beef—”

We call hamburger “beef,” along with the vast majority of the population.

Manager: “—and he won’t even know the difference between regular cheese and extra cheese.”

I get back to the customer who has been staring at me the entire time I have been talking to my manager.

Me: “Okay, I will give you your beef and cheese pizza.”

Customer: “I want hamburger. Not beef. Hamburger! And you’d better make sure it has lots and lots of cheese on it!”

I don’t want to keep him around anymore and am also very annoyed and slightly frightened.

Me: “Yes, I will give you your hamburger and cheese pizza.”

I try to take the coupon from him but he doesn’t let it go. I explain to him that store policy is that we need to collect all of our coupons. I am stronger and quicker, so I take the coupon and lock it in the register.

I go over to where my manager is and start making the pizza. Unfortunately for me, we have glass walls so that kids can see us making their pizzas. This guy is leaning over the glass wall just giving me the death stare the entire time, which makes me super uncomfortable. I eventually just tell my manager to make it as I pretend to grab something from the cooler.

I hide in the cooler and don’t come out until the customer is gone. While in there, I can hear him shouting:

Customer: “You didn’t put extra cheese! I want extra cheese! Give me my coupon! It’s my coupon, not yours! Mine!”

When everything is finally over and I emerge from my hiding spot, my manager just looks at me, dumbfounded.

Manager: “Don’t you ever leave me alone with him again. He is absolutely insane.”

Luckily for us, he never came back again. This was two years ago, and my manager still holds it against me that I went and hid while she dealt with him!

Related:
The Couponator 23: The Time Destroyer
The Couponator 22: Coupons Of Mass Consumption
The Couponator 21: The FINAL Sale
The Couponator 20: Coupons Of Mass Consumption

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Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2021

I work in a gift shop where we sell, among other things, a variety of scented products like lotions and candles. It’s a small shop, so the smell of these products is noticeable, but I wouldn’t say it’s overwhelming.

My coworker is dusting some shelves and I’m helping someone out at the till. An older man comes in. As soon as I’m done ringing my customer out, the man comes up to me, practically vibrating with indignation.

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say that I think it smells terrible in here!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “It’s perfumed; it’s not natural air. I think it’s foul!”

He looks at me defiantly with his hands on his hips, clearly waiting for a response.

Me: “That’s… um… I’m… sorry you feel that way?”

He continues to glare at me. 

Me: “Was there something I could help you with, sir?”

Customer: “You should stop using whatever godawful stuff makes it smell like that!”

Me: “It’s not something we add on purpose, sir. We sell some scented products, so the smell of those is kind of generally around. For example, right now you’re standing next to some new soaps we just got in.”

Customer: “Hah!”

With that, he turns around and stomps out of the shop.

Coworker: “He just waited in line and stayed here longer to tell you how much he hates it in here?”

Me: “I’m going on my break.”

Related:
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 4
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 3
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 2
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn

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If That’s As Nice As You Can Go…

, , , | Right | April 4, 2021

I work in a coffee shop on the till. I can hear a commotion behind me, so I turn around.

A lady bought a bunch of food and was planning on paying with her gift card she got but my coworker swiped it and it said that it was inactive. 

Customer: “I got it as a gift a few days ago; I even have the receipt.”

She shows us the receipt and it’s the debit card receipt for something completely different. She starts freaking out. We’re all being super nice trying to figure it out but she isn’t having it. 

My supervisor comes along to try and diffuse the situation, and she says to call the number on the back of the gift card. 

This doesn’t fly with her, so she throws it at my supervisor.

Supervisor: “I’m trying to help you; I’m being as nice as I can.”

Customer: “SO AM I!”

She tossed 20$ at my supervisor, who was being super nice to her and trying to get her stuff together. The customer was still shouting and being rude as she took her food and stormed out.

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Allergic To Common Sense, Part 19

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2021

I volunteer in childcare at my church. The childcare system follows a system called “Plan to Protect,” which involves signing your child into the computer. The computer then prints two stickers: one for the parent and one for the child. The sticker for the child has their name, a symbol, a set of numbers, and if the child has any allergies. The parent’s sticker has a matching set of numbers and symbol, and we have to collect both symbols before we are allowed to release the child.

I fill in for my brother in the toddler room. I don’t usually work with toddlers, but I go where I’m needed. As it turns out, the toddlers receive a small cup of animal crackers as a snack. This isn’t usually a problem, but we have a new child with us this week. Her mother has filled out the forms and lets us know that her child is allergic to dairy. She gives us a granola bar because we can’t determine whether or not there is dairy in the crackers.

Come snack time, all the little ones are hungry. The other children are given animal crackers and I am given the granola bar to give to the child.

I am the only leader who is “Plan To Protect” certified because I usually work in another section. The toddler’s leaders are supposed to have a lead who is certified but she is away that week. That makes me, a fifteen-year-old, the only person allowed to give the child food outside of animal crackers.

I read the wrapper and discovered that the first item on the ingredients list is dairy. The kid is really hungry and crying, so someone decides to page the mother. I inform her that, due to “Plan To Protect,” I cannot feed the bar to her child.

Mother: “It’s okay. I’m her mother and I say it’s fine.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but you filed paperwork saying she was allergic to dairy, and I signed a form saying I wouldn’t feed a child food that they are allergic to.”

Mother: “Fine. [Child], I’m going to give you a granola bar because this nice little girl doesn’t want to.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, you can’t give her food in this room. You are not ‘Plan To Protect’ certified, and you cannot feed someone in a room that is being used by the childcare service. If you give it to her in the hall, it’s fine, though.”

Mother: “B****.”

I assume that’s the last of it, but later I’m told to report to the youth director. The lady told her that I tried to feed her sweet child food she was allergic to.

The funny thing is, I’ve been attending this church longer than I’ve been eating solid food. The youth director knows I take volunteering very seriously and that I would never do that. She tells the lady that I don’t usually work with toddlers, so even if I did do that, I wouldn’t be near her daughter again for another couple of years.

Mother: “You’re not going to fire her? Where I’m from, a child who disobeyed and put someone’s life at risk would be kicked out of the church forever. I’m never coming back to this stupid place!”

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 18
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 17
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 16
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 15
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 14

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Why Can’t These Jerks Blow Themselves Up On Their Own Time?

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2021

I am driving into a gas station and notice a man smoking at his parked van. The van is directly in front of a rack of propane tanks and only about thirty meters from the pumps. Where the man is standing, there are no less than three “No Smoking” signs clearly visible. I roll down my window and get his attention.

Me: “Excuse me. There’s no smoking here.”

Smoker: *Playing naïve* “Where?”

Me: “You’re in front of propane tanks; this is a gas station. There’re ‘No Smoking’ signs everywhere.”

Smoker: *Just being a jerk* “Where?”

I point at one in front of his van, above the propane.

Me: “There.”

Smoker: “That’s for over there; I’m all the way over here.” 

He gestures as if it’s a great distance. To be clear, the nose of the passenger van is practically touching the propane tanks, and he is standing next to the rear tire of the vehicle. And he’s still at a gas station, near enough to the pumps to be a concern.

Me: “The signs mean the whole area. This is a gas station.”

Smoker: “Relax, I’m not going to blow anything up. I’ve got my gas licence; I know what’s safe. It’s fine.”

I parked and walked into the station, and I spoke to a cashier and a man who appeared to be a manager or the owner. I informed them that someone was smoking in the parking lot. They were both immediately concerned, and they told me it was not permitted anywhere on premises, as I would expect.

The smoker was just entering as I finished speaking to them. I was fuming as I walked away. I hope they explained that his bad habit doesn’t give him the right to endanger other’s safety.

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