Drink Some Covfefe And Call It A Day

, , , , , , | Right | January 15, 2020

(I work for a popular Canadian coffee chain.)

Customer: “Do you take American? Hundreds?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t take AmEx or bills larger than 50s.”

Customer: “What? You don’t take American money at all?”

Me: “What? I… Oh, I’m sorry, usually American means American Express credit cards here. Yes, we take American money; we just don’t take any bills larger than 50.”

Customer: “You don’t take American money?” *passes me a Canadian toonie*

Me: “Yes, we do, we just don’t take—”

Customer: “You should. You’d better. Best country in the world. Best money in the world.” *walks off calmly*

Regular Customer: *in line behind him, doing a fake Trump voice* “Best money ever. The very best. There has never been any better money before our money.”

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Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 3

, , | Right | January 15, 2020

(I work for a central answering point for a municipality. We answer for almost every department in the city. I am female and sit beside a male; we both have the exact same job description, but he is about twenty years older than I am. I wish I could say this doesn’t happen very often but sadly it does, even with female callers.)

Me: *answers phone with standard greeting*

Caller: “I need to talk to an engineer!”

(This usually means they want to talk to a man.)

Me: “Okay, what is it regarding?”

Caller: *sighs and asks a standard question we are trained to answer*

Me: *gives proper response*

Caller: “No, that can’t be right! Let me talk to an engineer!”

Me: “Okay, please hold.” *transfers to my male coworker less than three feet away*

Coworker: *listens and gives the exact same answer as I did*

Caller: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

Coworker & Me: *rolling our eyes*

Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 2
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries

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Unfiltered Story #182283

, , | Unfiltered | January 15, 2020

Working guest services and a gentleman comes in first to ask where our washroom is. I direct him and he states it is locked.
me: “It is only locked when someone is using it”
(He tries again)
Guy: “yeah its still locked”
(you can clearly see that washroom from the lobby and no one has come out during this time)
Guy: “Do any of your rooms have kitchenettes and do you have a restaurant?”
me: “well we dont have a restaurant, but we do have hot breakfast and we give you 10% off (nearby restaurant). Also we don’t have kitchenettes but we do have fridges and microwaves in each room”
Guy: “ok well do you have deals if i stay 30 days?”
me: “You would want to talk to our general manager, I can get hold of him if you like. however you might have a company discount, what company do you work for?” Guy: ” (oil company) at least to START for discounts”
me: “ok your company gets a good discount, but we cannot add another discount to an already discounted rate”
Guy: “even though I’m here for 30 days?”
me: “no, but your company gets a great rate”
Guy: “ookay, cuuuuz im gunna be here for 30 days, but thats ok. What do you know about hotels nearby?”
Me: “I know (hotel 1) has a restaurant, but i dont know about their suites, or kitchenettes. I can look up their number and let you use our guest phone to call them.”
Guy: “ok and whats (hotel 1) rate?”
Me: “Im not sure, i dont have information on their rates. But once again you get a great rate through your company here. And we have…….”
Guys: “What about (hotel 2) I saw them on my way in, do they have a restaurant and kitchenettes?”
Me: “I know none of the hotels around us except (hotel 1) have a restaurant. and I dont know about their rooms”
Guy: “Well I just got hired for (oil company) and im going to be here for at least 30 days, I dont want to be eating out all the time. what about (names 2 more nearby hotels)?”
Me: “I’m not sure what other hotels have”
Guy: “ok well…. (stares blankly) what about (hotel 2)?”
me : (Giving up) “Im not sure”
Guy: “ok well I’ll look around” (Tries the bathroom again, no one has come out this entire conversation)

The Meat On Your Plate Makes Up For Having None In Your Head  

, , , , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

(I am working as a banquet server at a four-star hotel. A typical night involves serving the same dish to 50 to 200 people.)

Me: “Before I bring out your soups, does anyone at this table have dietary restrictions I need to know about?”

Diner: *in a haughty voice* “My husband and I are vegan. We want fish for our entree.”

Me: *internally* “Don’t say it. Don’t call her a dumba**. Don’t tell her she sounds airheaded enough to actually think fish isn’t meat.”

Me: “Okay.”

(Two minutes later, in the kitchen:)

Me: “Two of my guests say they’re vegan, so they want fish instead of the beef wellington.”

Chef: “Did you tell them they’re dumba***** and that fish are animals?”

Me: “No, but I thought it really loud.”

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Unfiltered Story #182273

, | Unfiltered | January 14, 2020

*I was cashing out someone’s coffee order when I overhear my co-worker at the register next to me talking to a customer*

Customer: *Orders coffee and adds…* Can you warm up the milk packets for me?

Co-worker: Warm up the milk packets?

Customer: Yes. Put them in the microwave for 20 seconds and warm them up.

Co-worker: I’m sorry ma’am but I don’t think I’m allowed to do that… it’s not really safe for the plastic to be warmed up…

Customer: I don’t care it’s fine. I’ll take it at my own risk, just do it!

Co-worker: Are you sure we can’t just.. warm some milk up for you in a mug? Then you can put it in your coffee.

Customer: NO. I want you to warm up the actual packets. Let me speak to someone else.

*Assistant manager comes in and 5 minutes pass of her trying to explain how warming up the milk packets are hazardous for her and us as well – you can’t put plastic in a microwave DUH*


Assistant Manager: I am sorry but it goes against the health and safety rules we have to follow.

*10 more minutes go by as she threatens to report the assistant manager and how she doesn’t care if it’s not safe and blah blah. Eventually someone gave in and did it for her.*

Customer: SEE THAT WASN’T SO HARD WAS IT? *Leaves*

Me: *Quits job*