You Can’t Be Helped From Your Bottom To Your Top

, , | Right | February 14, 2019

(I am working in a different department than my usual one. It is a busy day, we have stock to put away, and one of the managers wants a few of us to move a few things around within the department. We are all busy working. A customer is shopping with his wife.)

Customer: *sighs, then shouts* “IS ANYONE GOING TO HELP ME?!”

Coworker: “Hi there. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need help finding a shirt to match these pants.”

(All of us stop what we are doing, and for about ten minutes, we help the other coworker find different options to pair with the pants. We probably find about ten different shirts. My coworker takes them up to the customer. The customer stands there going through everything.)

Customer: “No, no, no. Ugh, I guess I could try this one… No, no, no.”

(He picks all of the ones he wants to try and heads to the fitting room. I set him up in there with everything nicely folded on the bench. My manager then comes by and explains to us what he wants us to move and how he wanted us to set it all up. Meanwhile, the customer comes out of the fitting room with one of the shirts and the pants. All of my coworkers walk away and so does the manager. He proceeds to bring the items to the register.)

Me: “Hi there. How did everything go? I see you found something to pair with those pants. Are you ready to go or did you want to look around some more?”

Customer: *in a really rude voice* “I’m ready to go.”

Me: “Perfect.” *rings up all of the items* “It comes to $155; how would you like to pay?”

(The customer slides the chip into the machine while I fold and bag his clothes for him.)

Customer: “You know, I’m absolutely disgusted with the service here… I needed help and had to shout for it, and then you all were just standing around talking while I was trying things on.”

Me: “I’m sorry that you feel that way, sir.”

Customer: “It’s just disgusting. I expect better service from [Store]. You’re getting paid to be here; you should be working, not talking.”

Me: *losing my patience a bit* “Sir, we are just doing our job. There is a lot more to our job description aside from customer service, but all of us spent ten minutes looking for shirts for you to match those pants. We did our best.”

Customer: “I’m so disgusted. If your manager was here, I would love to tell him how you were all just standing around talking.”

Me: “Well, actually, our manager was standing there with us; again, we were discussing what needed to be moved around in the department, which is also in our job description, but if you would like me to call the manager down here, I can get him to explain it to you, as well.”

Customer: “No.”

(The customer gave me a dirty look, ripped the bag from my hand, and walked out of the store. I went into the fitting room to find every single shirt crumpled up in a ball on the floor.)

Apparently, Appearances Are Everything

, , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2019

(I only eat strictly kosher food; this means that the only establishments I can eat at are kosher-certified. There are only a handful in the city and none are near my work. I am out for dinner with my coworkers at a non-kosher restaurant. Typically when this happens I bring my own meal in a bag and eat with them. I’ve been doing this for six years at many different restaurants, from small Somali joints to huge steakhouse franchises, and have never had an issue until now. There are eight of us at a burger/wings joint and I’m halfway through a deli sandwich when a manager comes up to me.)

Manager: “I’m really sorry, but we don’t allow any outside food here. We are a restaurant.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t eat any of your food due to dietary restrictions.”

Manager: “We can try to accommodate your restrictions, but you are absolutely not allowed to have outside food. We usually have security stop people at the door.”

Me: “Are you a kosher-certified establishment?” *knowing they aren’t*

Manager: “I think we have some kosher food in the kitchen. I’ll go look.”

(I know this is impossible but he leaves before I can say anything. Throughout this my friends have been trying to argue with him asking why this is a big deal, as we’re here with a big group, and he has refused to move. I wait with my half-finished sandwich in my lap like a rebuked boy in school while my friends continue to eat. He comes back fifteen minutes later with another manager in tow.)

Manager #2: “Well, we don’t have kosher food in our kitchen, but you’re not allowed to eat outside food.”

(I’m ready to crawl under the table from embarrassment; I just wanted to sit with my friends and this has turned into a whole ordeal.)

Me: “What do you want me to do, exactly?”

Manager #2: “Well, we really don’t want anyone looking at you and thinking they can bring their own food. Can you eat your food off our plates?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. The plates aren’t kosher.”

(They pause for thinking, while my friends continue to try to convince them to let it slide.)

Manager #2: “If we put a lining on top of the plate, could you eat it, then?”

Me: *not willing to argue any further* “Yes, I could.”

(I’d actually much rather prefer not to do this, as making it look like you’re eating non-kosher food is a no-no. But I just want this experience to end at this point. Another five minutes pass and they bring me a plate with a French fry liner on top of it. I put my sandwich and container of farfel — a Mediterranean dish — on it. Five minutes later the manager comes back AGAIN.)

Manager #2: “I’m sorry, but could you just empty your container out onto the plate? We really don’t want anyone thinking you’re eating outside food.”

(It was incredibly obvious to everyone at the table that this establishment served nothing like the food I was eating. Farfel is a bit messy, and all I had on me was a plastic fork since I’d assumed I’d be eating out of the container. I bit the bullet and dumped it out, and for the rest of the meal I held my container in my lap like it was contraband. The funny thing is that my company, which has 400 people, had come to this establishment in the past for a company event. We pretty much agreed that we would talk to the admin team to make sure that never happened again.)

To A Teenager, It Will Never Not Be Funny

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 13, 2019

I was in Grade 9 in the 1970s.

Our science class had just started a new unit on mass, or gravity, or something like that. Our teacher, a young, pretty cool guy, was a very visual teacher, using props, video, or whatever he thought would help.

At the beginning of the lesson, our teacher stood in front of thirty fourteen-year-olds, holding a tennis ball and a golf ball, and said loud and clear, “Class, I have two balls.”

He had to leave the room for about ten minutes while we finished laughing hysterically.

Unfiltered Story #139771

, , , | Unfiltered | February 13, 2019

(I work at a large retail store. All associates wear aprons that cover from our chest to our thighs. I noticed a customer walking slowly down a central aisle looking lost and confused. He keeps glancing up at the aisle signs.)

Me: *approaching customer* “Can I help you find something, sir?”

(He looks out of it. He slowly looks me up and down.)

Customer: “Do you work here?”

(My coworker, who was nearby doing work without his apron on, turned around and was about to answer when he saw me and then glanced strangely at the customer.)

Me: *looking down at my work apron* “…yes.”

Customer: “I’m looking for [item].”

Me: “It’s right down this aisle, sir.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you.” *he slowly walks away*

Coworker: “I thought he was talking to me.”

Me: “I have no idea what that was about. He even looked at my apron before asking if I work here!”

(I’m fairly certain the customer was on something.)

Wait Until You Hear This

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2019

(I work in a popular grocery store chain that is well known for “Going the Extra Mile.” I also happen to have a voice that can carry quite well. The following happens after my manager has to step out to go to a physio appointment. I’m helping a customer order a cake when the phone rings.)

Me: “Sorry, one moment.” *answers phone* “[Grocery Store] bakery. [My Name] speaking.”

Old Gentleman: *on the phone* “Is [Manager] there?”

Me: “She’s actually just stepped out and will be back later. Can I take a message?”

Old Gentleman: “What?”

Me: *slightly louder* “She’s not here right now.”

Old Gentleman: “What?”

Me: *slightly more loudly* “She’s not here right now.”

Old Gentleman: “What?”

Me: *now yelling into the receiver as loud as I can* “She’s not here right now!”

Old Gentleman: “What? Is [Manager] there?”

Me: *inwardly groaning and very tempted to bang my head on the wall* “No.”

Old Gentleman: “Will she be there later?”

Me: “Yes.”

Old Gentleman: “When?”

Me: “I’m not sure.”

Old Gentleman: “What?”

Me: “Later.”

Old Gentleman: “Is [Manager] going to be there later?”

Me: *banging head on wall* “No.”

Old Gentleman: “Will she be in tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes.”

Old Gentleman: “So, she’s not there right now?”

Me: “Yes.”

Old Gentleman: “She is there?”

Me: “No.”

Old Gentleman: “But she’s in tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes.”

Old Gentleman: “But she’s not there right now?”

Me: “No.”

Old Gentleman: “All right, I’ll call back tomorrow.” *click*

Me: *walks back over to customer I was originally helping, who is giving me a funny look* “If you’re hearing is that bad, you should be wearing hearing aids.”

Customer: “Ah.”

(The customer did call back the next day to speak to my manager, and it took three calls with him calling from three different phones and a fresh battery in his hearing aid to get him to understand that the product he was looking for was discontinued last year.)

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