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The Cleaning Company Did Them Dirty

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2022

My wife and I both work full time and we were finding that we didn’t have enough time to do more than a cursory clean of the house unless we wanted to spend all our weekends deep-cleaning. So, we decided it was in our finances to hire a cleaner to come around every two weeks to do a deep clean of the house. We set out looking for a cleaning service and found one that one of our friends had.

They came for a consultation and everything seemed to be in order. They looked at the house and gave us a cost estimate. We signed the contract, gave them the code to our front door, and scheduled the first cleaning appointment.

On the day of the cleaning appointment, the service called twenty minutes after the cleaner was supposed to be there to tell us that the cleaner was sick and they had to reschedule.

The day of the rescheduled appointment rolled around and nobody showed up. We called the service and they told us that the cleaner (a different one this time) was sick.

On the third attempt, nobody showed up and nobody would answer the phone at the service. Over the next couple of days, I tried to contact them but they never answered the phone.

At this point, I was very worried that this was all just a scam to get our door code and times when we would be out of the house, so I changed the door code and left a bad review stating that they just never showed up and people should be wary of giving them personal information.

They wrote back on the review, “How can you be upset with our service if you never even had us clean your house?”

We spoke to our friends who had recommended the service and found out that while we were going through this, they had fired the service because the cleaner had stolen an iPod from them.

Well, It Was Worth A Shot

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2022

A friend of mine told me this story. It’s about half an hour before a hiring interview, and he’s talking with a coworker about the applicant’s resume. His second most recent listed job is as “Home Guard” for a company they don’t recognize, with a very vague description of what his duties entailed.

Coworker: “Did you say ‘Home Guard’?”

Friend: “What about it?”

Coworker: “I think he might have been unemployed for that period. You’d better question him about it.”

During the interview, my friend does indeed probe about that particular job. His coworker was right on the money; the applicant was, in fact, unemployed. His wife is an independent masseuse, and the “Company” that the candidate has on his resume is just the name she uses for her business. After the interview, my friend talks to his coworker again.

Friend: “You were right; he was unemployed. How did you know?”

Coworker: “‘Guarding my own home’ is a Japanese euphemism for unemployment. It came up in a manga I was reading.”

Who knew being an avid otaku would pay off in business?

Your Time Is Totally Basted

, , , | Right | January 11, 2022

I worked as a waitress for several years, so I have a lot of stories, but this is one I could not wrap my head around. It started off normal. I sat the customer at the table, delivered drinks, and then asked for their order.

Customer: “I’ll get the bacon and egg meal.”

Me: “All right, and how would you like your eggs done?”

Customer: “Basted.”

Me: “Okay, basted soft, medium, or hard?”

Customer: “Basted.”

Me: “Yes, I have basted noted, but would you like it to be basted soft, medium, or hard?”

Customer: “I just want them basted.”

Me: “Okay, but would you like the yolk to be runny, solid, or in between?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Runny maybe.”

Me: “Okay.”

I finish taking the rest of the order and send it to the kitchen. When the order is ready, I double-check it and the eggs are as requested. I bring out the order to the table and the customer gets really quiet staring at his plate.

Me: “All right, here’s your bacon and egg breakfast. Can I refill your coffee?”

The customer doesn’t say anything; he just keeps staring at his plate.

Me: “Sir, more coffee? Anything else I can grab for you?”

The customer still doesn’t respond, so I double-check to make sure the table has ketchup, salt, pepper, etc. Everything seems fine.

Me: “Okay… Well, enjoy your meal.”

I start to back away and the customer finally looks at me.

Customer: “How am I supposed to enjoy it when you screwed it up?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Uh, what appears to be wrong with it?”

I am looking closely but it’s exactly what he ordered.

Customer: “Ugh! I ordered basted eggs, not this s***!”

Me: “Sir, those are basted. They’re basted soft so the yolk is still runny.”

I figure maybe they are upset because the top of the egg shook slightly as it was put down on the table and they actually want medium or hard.

Customer: “No, this is not a basted egg. I specifically asked for a basted egg because it’s the closest thing to a poached egg you guys offer!”

Me: “Uh, sir, we do offer poached eggs here. Would you like me to take your eggs back and get some poached ones, instead?”

Customer: “No, you don’t do poached eggs here.”

Me: “I can assure you we do. We even have eggs benedict on the menu, which requires poached eggs. If you want, I can get some for you instead of basted eggs.”

Customer: “There’s no use lying. I know what you serve. I’m here all the time.”

This is the first time I’ve seen the customer and I’ve been here full-time for five years. I know all the regulars.

Customer: “You must be new here if you don’t even know you don’t have poached eggs or that these eggs aren’t basted!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that these eggs are basted as per your request, and we do have poached eggs, as well, if you would prefer those.”

Customer: “No, you don’t, and how are you going to fix this? My breakfast is ruined now!”

Mind you, he still has not even picked up a fork to touch the meal.

Me: “Sir, there’s not a lot I can do here. Those eggs are basted soft just like you asked for. I’ve already offered to replace them with poached since that’s what you really wanted. If you don’t want to accept that, then I can get the eggs made in a different way, or you can just accept the basted ones you have.”

I’ll admit I am starting to lose my temper a little and am a little sharper than I should be.

Customer: “Fine, I’ll eat these, but next time, make sure to actually bring basted eggs when I ask for them.”

For the rest of his meal, the customer ignored me any time I went to the table to check up or offer a coffee refill or bring the check. At the end of the meal, when he went to pay, he complained to my manager (who runs the till) that their server “didn’t know what a basted egg was” and how ridiculous it is that “we don’t serve poached eggs.” Even the manager could not convince him that we do.

Diabetics Will Die Without Pancakes. Got It.

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: lunamunmun | January 7, 2022

A woman walks into the store in the morning and spends a while staring at the part of the aisle where we keep our maple and other syrups, honeys, jams, etc.

I ask her if she needs help because she does seem in quite a bit of distress over maple syrup. We’ve all been there.

Customer: “I’m looking for maple syrup that doesn’t have any sugar.”

Me: “Ma’am, if that’s even possible, we definitely don’t carry it.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! What about for diabetic customers? Do you just let them die?”

Me: “Ma’am, people usually check the sugar content themselves.”

Customer: “What if they don’t know?”

Me: “We’re in Canada. Everyone knows. Also, the nutrition facts are on the back.”

Customer: “You’re lying to me. Where’s your manager?”

Me: “She’s not in until later.”

Customer: “They just let you run around unsupervised?”

Me: “With all due respect, everyone working here is an adult.”

She just paused for a bit; I guess realized she was wrong. She whispered, “They will get you,” before leaving the store. I was glad I only had an hour left of my shift. If “they” are still planning on “getting” me, I’d appreciate it if they hurried up

For the record, we’re in Canada. Maple syrup is labelled as such. If it’s not made from maple sap, it’s not called maple syrup here.

She’s Knit Letting It Go

, , , , | Right | January 3, 2022

My coworker and I have finished most of our closing duties. We are just waiting for the last customer to finish up so we can go home for the night. We have checked in with her a few times and helped pick out some supplies for learning to knit. She finally comes up to the counter and pays before dropping this gem.

Customer: “So, you guys can teach me how to knit, right?”

My coworker grabs the class sign-up book and starts into our spiel on dates and teachers, but the lady interrupts.

Customer: “No, like, now. It isn’t busy and it’ll just take a minute.”

Me: “Umm, I’m sorry, but we have to close up and go home now.”

She looks disappointed, but we recommend some books and YouTube tutorials and suggest she come back for a class if she needs to. We finally get her out the door and turn off the lights, but she stands outside for a while before knocking on the door. When my soft-hearted but assertive coworker checks on her, she says:

Customer: “Are you sure neither of you could teach me right now? You are done with work!”

I didn’t hear what my coworker said to her, but the customer finally left, and we made our escape!