Not Very Vanilla Behavior

, , , , , , | Right | October 2, 2017

I worked at a bakery and coffee shop for the summer. It had been around for over a century and was a huge tourist draw. It was always monstrously busy, with a line out the door every day.

One day, in the middle of a rush, a woman in her 60s came up and ordered a “French Vanilla.” I asked her to clarify what she would like made with French Vanilla: a latte, a cappuccino, a macchiato, etc. She looked at me like I had slapped her, and said she didn’t want any of that, just a French Vanilla.

It took every ounce of willpower I had not to define “adjective” for her. Instead I told her that we could add vanilla syrup to any of our drinks, but that she needed to tell me which drink she wanted. Her friend started to chime in about my incompetence and mumbled, “Just give the woman her godd*** French Vanilla, already.”

My supervisor came over and, not realizing what was happening, complicated the situation by telling them that we didn’t actually have French Vanilla syrup, just regular vanilla syrup. The woman then screamed, in front of a few dozen people, “I JUST WANT A FRENCH VANILLA!”. I eventually just made her a vanilla latte, which she said was the worst thing she had ever tasted.

A couple months later, I went into a very popular chain coffee shop and saw “French Vanilla” listed on their menu, and it all made sense. What was the drink? Basically, a vanilla latte.

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Should Have Gone On A Diet Coke Break

, , , | Learning | September 30, 2017

(My friends and I have just come in from a night out, and a bunch of them head to the sub shop on campus. I head back to my dorm first to drop off something, and decide to grab a can of pop to drink on my way to meet them. As we are heading back to our dorm with our sandwiches, I discard my can into a big trolley that we have been told is for recycling while they wait for bins to be delivered. Shortly afterwards, a girl comes up to me and I think she’s a friend of a friend at first.)

RA: “All right, so it was you who had the open can of alcohol. What’s your name?”

(I then notice the notepad in her hand and realize she is an RA about to write me up.)

Me: “No, I had a can of pop that I was drinking.”

RA: “I know what I saw; you had an open can of beer.”

Me: “Uh, no. I’m sorry; it was a can of Diet Coke. I can show it to you if you want.”

RA: “Yes, let’s go back and see it.”

Me: *thinking* “Seriously?” *saying* “Fine.”

(The whole walk back she is super smug, and I think she thought I was too drunk to realize what I was drinking. Joke is on her, because when we get up to the trolley, my can of Diet Coke is the only one there and I proudly point at it. I see her face turn red, but she is determined to write me up for something.)

RA: “Well, you shouldn’t discard your trash in there. That’s very rude and disrespectful; this isn’t meant for recycling.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I was told we were supposed to put any recycling in there until the shop received their new recycling bins from the university. Did they get their new bins?”

RA: “What are you talking about? They’ve always had recycling bins. They’re right…”

(That’s when she realized there weren’t any around, and talked to the staff at the shop to confirm the trolley was to be used for recycling. I offered to remove the can if it was a problem, but the death stare she gave me just told me to let it go.)

Displaying Full Evidence Of Idiocy

, , , , , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

A customer pulls up in a burgundy taxi, tells the driver to wait, and then comes into the store.

He then pulls a knife and a garbage bag, and tells me to fill the bag with cartons of cigarettes.

I fill the bag, and watch as the crook then runs into what he thinks is his burgundy taxi, and slams the door behind himself.

Unbeknownst to him, I have just watched the taxi drive away, after seeing him attempt to rob the store, and a burgundy cop car, driven by a store regular, pull up.

Now the cop has just pulled into the gas station to get fuel, and some random guy has jumped into the back of his cop car, holding a knife and a bag full of stolen cigarette cartons, and locked himself in…

It takes a full hour for the cop to take my statement, because we can’t stop laughing at the idiot who arrested himself while holding the evidence of his robbery.

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This Kind Of Weirdness Can’t Fit In A Box

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

Customer: “I have six boxes I want to ship. Can you do that?”

Me: “Sure, we can.”

Customer: “Okay. They might be heavy; I have a lot of clothes in them.”

Me: “That’s okay; the max weight for shipping out is 150 pounds.”

Customer: “Oh. I have a lot of cotton clothes. But there’s six boxes.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have them here?”

Customer: “No. But you’ll be able to tell me, right?”

Me: “Tell you what?”

Customer: “Yeah… see, ’cause I have to send all these costumes back, and some of them are heavy, like one of them is 7 pounds on its own, but most of the other clothes are just cotton.”

Me: “…oh.”

Customer: “So, you’ll have an idea, right?”

Me: “An idea of what?”

Customer: “Of the cost.”

Me: “Oh, well I can create an estimate. Where’s it going?”

Customer: “California.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the zip code?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the address?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’ll need one or the other in order to get a proper quote for you. Do you have it saved in your phone or something?”

Customer: “No. But yeah. You can get an idea. Yeah, there’s a lot of clothes that I’m sending, and I’m so mad that I have to send them all back. It’ll probably be 150 pounds once I fill all the boxes.”

(I kind of want her to stop talking, since I don’t even know how to respond to her, so I type in 90210 as the zip code so that I can give her some kind of quote.)

Me: “This quote isn’t totally accurate, because I just put in 90210 for the zip code, but it’s coming up to [price]. That’s for six boxes at this size, all equaling 150 pounds.”

Customer: “WHAT?! That’s so expensive! How much would it cost to send it Canada Post?”

Me: “I’m not sure; you’d have to go to the post office.”

Customer: “Because this guy, his size is like 34x34x34! Like, you’ve got to be joking! So I put the pants on and they come up to my neck! I was so mad! I can’t wear these! They said they’d send me 50 bucks to mail them back, but there’s so many costumes!”

Me: “…oh.”

Customer: “But, oh my gosh, you’ve been so helpful! Thank you so much! Oh my gosh, I’m so happy now! Thanks!”

(She leaves and I turn to my coworker:)
Me: “That was weird.”

Should Slide Right Past That Fact

, , , | Learning | September 29, 2017

(I am at a group interview for a supply teaching position at an international school. The job asks us to put together a slideshow about ourselves and tell why we would be a great fit for the school. The first person goes, and he does a pretty good job. He’s a bit quiet but is obviously very educated, and it looks like it is going well. That is, until he gets to the last part of the slide, that makes me do a double take.)

Teacher Candidate: *What I think I hear him say:* “…and another reason why I think I would do well here is that my girlfriend is a student here.”

(I immediately stiffened up and looked closer at the slide to see if I really heard what I thought I heard. It turns out that he said his girlfriend WAS a student here, but that didn’t make it that much better, especially considering he was in his late 20s and she was a recent graduate. I eventually got hired at the school and worked there for two years, but I never saw him again.)

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