Not The Photo-Perfect Day You Were Expecting

, , , , | Working | June 8, 2017

(This happened to my dad a long time ago. He and Mum had recently emigrated from Britain and didn’t know very many people in their new Canadian city, so when his boss invites him and Mum to Boss’s daughter’s wedding, it is a very nice surprise. Mum is thrilled by the invitation, and she pinches pennies so that she and Dad can afford decent clothes for the event as well as a babysitter for me.)

Boss: “Ah, [Dad], there you are! Here, you’ll need this.” *hands Dad a camera*

Dad: “What’s this for?”

Boss: “To take photos of the wedding and reception, of course.”

Dad: “But… I’m not a photographer. Didn’t you hire one?”

Boss: “Why pay some photographer good money when all you need is a camera and someone to use it?”

Dad: “But that means I’ll be leaving my wife alone for a large part of the day, and she doesn’t know anyone.”

Boss: “Oh, she’ll be fine.”

(Dad gave up at that point. Poor Mum had a miserable lonely day, since she was quite shy and no-one bothered to try to include her in their conversations. Dad did his best to take some nice photographs, but unbeknownst to him, the camera had jammed after the first couple of pictures. He didn’t realize this, because the camera wasn’t one with which he was familiar. So, because Boss was too cheap to pay a professional photographer, his daughter didn’t get any photos of her big day. I always wonder what she had to say to her father about that.)

Going To Give You A Mall-ing

, , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(I work in a clothing store in a large mall. My store specializes in women’s work clothes. We only have a small section of casual clothing, like jeans. We often get asked by customers where other shops in the mall are. A lady just finished trying on some clothes in our fitting room.)

Customer: “Do you have any lucky belts?”

Me: “Excuse me?” *puzzled by what she meant by lucky belts*

Customer: “Do you sell lucky belts. You know, Lucky Brand Belts?”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. We only sell our own brand here. Sorry.”

Customer: “Do you know where I could find them? I live out of town and don’t know the mall.”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t know. Probably a store that specializes in jeans or belts, or a store that carries that brand.”

Customer: “So what store?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Customer: “WHAT? You don’t know? Why not? I don’t live here. Where can I find Lucky belts?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I don’t shop for that brand myself, and have no idea where you would find a specific brand like that aside from the jean stores [Store #1] and [Store #2] upstairs. But I don’t know if they would have it.”

Customer: “Why is it so hard for you to tell me where to find them? You’re useless!”

Me: “Well, we don’t carry them. My job is to know what is sold in this store, not the entire mall.”

(She went and asked another associate who gave her a similar answer before she got frustrated at our staff not knowing where another company sold their items.)

Should Have Got A Coke Zero

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(A guy in his early twenties comes to our smoothie shop which is located in a busy mall.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: *looking around suspiciously and sniffing* “Yeah, just get me one of those strawberry drinks. Large.”

(We have several strawberry drinks, but I see that he’s looking at a picture of one of our most popular drinks.)

Me: “Is that the [Strawberry Drink] you’re looking for?”

Customer: *pulling up his hood and rocking back and forth* “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Me: “Sure thing. Did you want any boosters with that?” *our boosters are a blend of vitamins in powder form that we add to our drinks*

Customer: “No.”

(I make his drink and hand it to him.)

Me: “That will be $5.75, please.”

(The customer then takes out a small baggy with white powder in it, keeping it close to his body. He lowers his voice.)

Customer: “Oh, yeah… put this in it.”

(The customer is now looking around shifting his gaze.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t add anything that does not belong to our company.”

(The customer becomes agitated.)

Customer: “WHY NOT?!”

Me: “Well, for instance, what if that is cocaine?”

(The customer BOLTS down the mall, bumping into two older ladies who are shopping.)

Next Customer: “Wow, that wasn’t suspicious at all…”

Rock-A-Bye Banana

, , , , | Hopeless | June 7, 2017

(I am disabled and on benefits. One day I go to the local Disability Resource Center to get a form that will let me camp for free at Provincial Parks campsites. Sitting behind me are three children, ranging in age from approximately one through eight. At one point, the eldest starts singing ‘Hush Little Baby’ to her youngest sibling.)

Girl: “And if that diamond ring gets broke, Mama’s gonna buy you… umm…” *she pauses for a moment, trying to remember the next line* “… a banana!”

(It was just too cute. I couldn’t help myself and burst out laughing. I smiled at her and a minute later she began singing again. I was also treated to a rendition of ‘Miss Molly’ and ‘Rock-a-bye Baby’.)

Blame Canada!

, , , , , | Working | June 7, 2017

(I recently moved to Canada from the UK and am still adjusting to some Canadian quirks.)

Me: “[Coworker], where’s the manager? A guest wants a refund.”

Coworker: “He’s in [Popular Electronic Store] watching the Stanley Cup playoffs.”

Me: “So watching the playoffs is more important than doing his job?”

Coworker: “Welcome to Canada!”

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