He Who Call Not Be Decaffeinated

, , , | Right | March 5, 2018

(I am in a coffee shop.)

Barista: “Coffee for Lord Voldemort!”

(This guy walks up to the counter dressed in a cloak and holding a fake wand. He takes the wand and points it at the barista.)

Guy: “You dare speak my name, mudblood?! Avada Kedavra!”

(He then grabbed his coffee and ran out of the coffee shop, laughing like a maniac.)

Not Even Pepper Spray Keeps The Customers Away

, , , , , , | Right | March 5, 2018

(We have an attempted robbery and assault in the store where, thankfully, only bear mace is used as a weapon. Because it is summer time, the central air conditioning is running, and the spray is starting to circulate throughout the entire store. Due to the nature of the incident, we have numerous police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances show up within minutes and block off the parking lot for a couple hours. Media outlets are even on scene, taking photos and shooting video. Police cars are blocking both parking lot entrances, and police tape is put up around the store entrance. We’re all standing outside in the fresh air, trying to get the remnants of pepper spray out of our eyes, and just killing time until the police and fire department give us an update on whether we should stay or simply go home for the day. Most of our regular customers are understanding that they can’t come shop or pick up copy centre orders. However, it boggles my mind that the following conversation happens more than a few times, almost always verbatim:)

Customer: *usually busy texting or just generally ignoring all the pretty, flashing lights and walking under the police tape, only to be stymied by the sliding doors that won’t slide* “Why won’t the door open?”

Us: *looking around at everything going around us* “Uh… sir/ma’am, due to the store being a current crime scene, we aren’t allowed inside the building.”

Customer: “But I just need an item/to pick up an order. I’ll just be a minute!”

Us: “The police aren’t letting store employees into the building until they finish up. And even when they do, we still have to wait for the fire department to give us the all-clear. There’s pepper spray circulating through the HVAC right now, and anyone going inside is required to wear a face mask and breather.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. I’ll just be a minute! I don’t see why you won’t let me in!”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 32

, , , | Right | March 4, 2018

Customer: “I need to return this router. I can’t get it to work.”

Me: “Okay. Did you want to talk to someone about it and see if they can explain to you how to set it up?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you want us to set it up for you? That’s a service we provide.”

Customer: “No, I’m just not going to use it. I’ve been using the building’s Wi-Fi, anyway; I don’t even have my own Internet.”

Me: “You don’t have your own Internet at all?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “That’s why it wasn’t working, then. This doesn’t give you Internet; it makes the Internet that you already have wireless.”

Customer: “But I had a different router and it worked.”

Me: “That’s strange. You must have Internet, then.”

Customer: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “Well, then, your router shouldn’t work… It doesn’t just give you Internet.”

Customer: “No, I used it off the building’s Wi-Fi! I don’t have my own Internet!”

Me: “Okay, then.”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 31
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 30
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 29

Unfiltered Story #106391

| Unfiltered | March 3, 2018

I am sitting in the reception area of my doctor’s office when a man comes in and goes up to the counter.
Man: “I want to see Dr. M.”
Receptionist: “Do you have an appointment?”
Man: “I don’t need one.”
Receptionist: “You can’t see the doctor without an appointment. What is this regarding?”
Man: “That’s none of your business! I want to see the doctor now!”
Receptionist: “I’m afraid the doctor is fully booked today. I can make an appointment for you tomorrow or Wednesday afternoon.”
Man: “You have no idea who you’re talking to! I want to see him NOW! Not tomorrow, not the next day, NOW!”
Receptionist: “Please take a seat.”

A few minutes later, I was called in for my appointment and fifteen minutes after that, I came out and the man was still there. I had to consult with the receptionist about a referral, but the man was at the counter yelling at her:

Man: “I have been waiting for half an hour! When the h— am I going to get to see the doctor?!”

The receptionist replied with a straight face: “When you make an appointment.”

“Entering” A Whole New World

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2018

(This happens at least twice a day at our self-serve computer, after the customer has asked for help.)

Me: “If you’re emailing it, you need to first open the Internet browser.” *points to it on the screen*

(The customer has a blank look on their face.)

Me: *pointing again* “Right there. Okay, now type in the provider of your email address.”

(The customer types in their email address in the website bar.)

Me: “No, not your full email, just the website you use to get at your email.”

(The customer types.)

Me: “Then, hit enter… Hit enter… The enter key, on the keyboard… The one that says enter.”

(The customer finds it.)

Me: “Now, click right here so you can sign in… Right here… No, left click. No, left click. Click the left button on the mouse… That’s the right button.”

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