I’m working at a summer camp, and we’re showing young campers around.
Camper: “What are… f**ky lights?”
Me: “What are… what?!“
Camper: “F**ky lights. I saw a sign that said, ‘Shower f**ky lights,’ but I don’t know the word.”
Camp Counselor: “[Camper], that word is pronounced ‘facilities.'”
Camper: “Oh… are you sure?”
Counselor & Me: “Yes!”
I am taking reservations for a very popular campsite. A woman calls.
Caller: “I need a power site.”
Power sites have power hookups for RVs. Unfortunately, we do not have any power sites left, so I offer a non-power site.
Caller: “No. It absolutely has to be a power site!”
Me: “Is this perhaps for a medical reason, as we have disabled sites—”
Caller: “Oh, no, it’s just that the generator won’t power our microwave.”
Happy camping, lady!
I’m working at a summer camp. The campers are in a woodworking and crafting class.
Instructor: “All right, let’s meet the tools.”
He picks up a hammer.
Instructor: “Hammer. It hits things.”
He picks up a plane.
Instructor: “Plane. It makes things flat.”
He picks up an awl.
Instructor: “An awl. It makes holes. Note that I said, ‘An awl,’ and not just, ‘Awl.’ Every summer, someone tells the campers to get an awl, and they go get all the tools. Don’t be that camper.”
After the campers start working on their projects, the instructor sees a camper putting lots of tools in a bucket.
Instructor: “Hold on, [Camper]. What are you doing with all those tools?”
Camper: “Dunno. I asked [Counselor] what I needed for the next step, and she told me to go get them all.”
Instructor: “Were you listening carefully in the beginning?”
Camper: “Yeah, why?”
For the past five summers, I’ve worked in a camp’s “petting zoo” room. There are many reasons I love my job, but one of them is the hilarious and adorable things I hear from the kids, especially the youngest.
Most of our animals are secondhand from Craigslist or Facebook ads, and a lot of them are… less than “gently-used,” we’ll say. The lizards in particular often come missing bits.
This girl is about five years old.
Girl: “Why is the iguana missing her tail?”
Me: “It fell off when she was in her old home.”
Girl: “But how did it fall off?”
Me: “We don’t know. There was some sort of accident.”
Girl: *Confused whisper* “She… she maked in her pants?”
Me: “Not that kind of accident.”
My boss tells me that children saying they “need to make” is a Jewish-ism that came from Yiddish and not something gentiles say. So, for anyone who was confused, she was asking if the iguana had the potty sort of accident.
For the past five summers, I’ve worked in a camp’s “petting zoo” room. There are many reasons I love my job, but one of them is the hilarious and adorable things I hear from the kids, especially the youngest.
This boy is about five years old.
Boy: “Where does [Iguana] go at night?”
Me: “All of the animals stay here.”
Boy: “But what if they eat each other?”
Me: “They’re fine; they all stay in their own cages.”
Boy: “But how do you keep them safe?”
Me: “What do you think is here at night that could hurt them?”
He pauses for a beat.
Boy: “Ghosts! What if the ghosts get her?”
Me: “Uh… [Iguana] isn’t afraid of ghosts.”
Boy: “Is that because she’s a grownup?”
Me: *Pause* “Yes, that’s it.”
Boy: “Okay.” *Points at a turtle* “Is she afraid of ghosts?”
