Tripped Up

| Georgia, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(One of the kids at my martial arts camp has gotten so bad that I have to call to his mother.)

Me: “Ma’am, your son has not been paying attention during training, and is disrupting the other kids.”

Mother: “Well, maybe my son needs a male influence instead of a little girl!”

Me: “The kids are arranged according to proficiency level. We can’t move him.”

Mother: “That’s funny…you say you can’t control him, but you can threaten to throw him down a flight of stairs easily enough!”

Me: “Who told you I threatened to throw him down a flight of stairs?”

Mother: “He did! He said you threatened to throw him down the stairs!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a one-story building.”

*brief pause*

Mother: “I will talk to him tonight.”

This Child Has Few Reservations

| Asheville, NC, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Child: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

Me: “What is it?”

Child: “Do you believe in Native Americans?”

Me: *slight pause* “Yes. Yes, I do.”

Child: “That’s good to know.”

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3

| Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(A six year old girl comes up to me very anxiously while waiting in line to get food.)

Girl: “Ma’am, what’s this?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Girl: “This!” *I notice she’s holding her crotch*

Me: “You mean your skirt?”

Girl: “No, the thing under it!”

Me: “I…I…I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

Girl: “Ugh! I already did, and she doesn’t know either!”

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

Blood Must Run Thick In Their Family

| Austin, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(I am calling a mother about her 3-year-old son, who is exhibiting signs of pink-eye.)

Me: “I’m calling from [camp name] about your son.”

Customer: “Oh no, is he all right?”

Me: “Well, there seems to be something wrong with his eye. It’s swollen and he hasn’t been able to stop itching it, and it’s very red and inflamed.”

Customer: “Is he bleeding?”

Me: “Well, no. But I think it might be a good idea to pick him up and maybe take him to your family doctor.”

Customer: “So he’s not bleeding?”

Me: *pause* “No. But these symptoms can sometimes be indicators of something serious and often contagious. I really think you should come get him.”

Customer: “Why are you calling me if he’s not bleeding?”

A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

| Prince Edward Island, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Good evening! You have reached [campground name], how can I help?”

Customer: “Excuse me miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

Customer: ¬†”What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes, have a great night.”

A Nation Of Size Queens