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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 29

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Fix it!”

Me: “Fix what, ma’am?”

Customer: “My Internet connection. Can’t you tell why I’m calling?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the technology doesn’t work that way.”

(I apologize for any inconvenience, and then check her connection. Everything is fine. I even test with ping and packet testing; again, very strong signal to the Internet.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you using a router?”

Customer: “I don’t know. You guys installed it all”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t install routers. Do you know the name of the router you’re using?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “We can test the modem to make sure it’s working. Can you take your laptop into the room with the modem and unplug the modem from the rou—”

(Before I could even finish asking her to connect the laptop to the modem directly.)

Customer: “No. I couldn’t possibly do that! You just need to fix it.”

Me: “Ma’am, are you suffering from an illness or injury preventing me from helping you today?”

Customer: “No, and I couldn’t possibly be bothered with that. The modem and the laptop are on different floors. I called you to fix it. Why can’t you just fix it?”

(Eventually the customer was charged for a technician to come out and educate her on the use of her technology.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 28
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 27
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 26

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A Shocking Request

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(I work at a call center for a cell phone company. A customer has called in to see what her options are as her son’s phone was stolen by someone at his school. She is also at the police station while the call is going on. A supervisor happens to be listening to my call as well. By this point , I’ve explained her options and am working on putting a hold on the line so no calls, texts, or data can be used.)

Caller: “Can you tell me who has his phone? I want to make sure they are punished.”

Me: “I’m afraid we have no way of tracking the phone. At best we could see what tower it was connected to last but that covers a broad area. I see it’s an iPhone; I could give you the information for the “Find my iPhone App” which should help in the future. You already in contact with your local police, which is also good.”

Caller: “Just get into the camera!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “You know, just get into the camera on his phone and take pictures of the boys who stole his phone and send them to me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid there is no way to do that.”

Caller: “Okay, fine. Just shock them, then.”

(At this point I look over at my supervisor, who looks just as confused as I do.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “You don’t have to shock them hard; just make the phone shock them a little.”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no way for me to shock someone.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you make the phone squirt blue paint on them so we can find them?”

(I’m trying to keep it together, which isn’t helped by the fact my supervisor is laughing quietly next to me. I regain my composure.)

Me: “I’m sorry but that technology doesn’t currently exist. I have given you all the options we have available at the present time. Your son’s line has a hold put on it so it can’t be used in anyway which would impact your bill. Please let us know if you recover his phone.”

(Somehow I managed to end the call before I burst out laughing. My supervisor didn’t even care I took myself out of the queue for a few minutes. Neither of us could quite believe the customer was dead serious the entire time.)

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A Weighty Issue

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I work in a call centre that offers customer support for an outdoors-activity company.)

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Hi, I wish to book some tickets for the wild-water rafting”

Me: “With pleasure, how many people will be attending?”

Customer: “Five adults and my son.”

Me: “Great! Could I please verify the weight of your son?”

Customer: “He is about 80 pounds.”

Me: “I am sorry, we have a weight-minimum of 90 pounds for the wild-water rafting. But can I interest you in the lazy-river tour? This is a more family-friendly activity and many people like it a lot.”

Customer: “No, we really want to do the rafting. Why does he need to weigh so much?”

Me: “Children need to weigh at least 90 pounds so they are not thrown too easily out of the boat. We do offer life-jackets, but wish to prevent an incident.”

Customer: “That’s ok. You know what? I will put some rocks in his pockets until he weighs 90 pounds. Can I buy the tickets now?”

(I am stunned and hope silently the lady will realize by herself how crazy the idea is of putting stones in the pockets of your kid and then putting him on a rubber boat in the middle of a very wild river with rapids of class R-III to R-IV +. After a couple of seconds of silence I realize she does not see the issue.)

Me: “I am sorry, but we do not allow stones to weigh down the children.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand why not. Can I please talk to your supervisor?”

(I put her through, turned around to my supervisor, and explained the situation. She turned a bit white and then burst out laughing.

During the next 10 minutes she tried explaining to the lady why it was a bad idea, but the customer wouldn’t have it. The call was closed with the customer stating she would buy tickets at our competitors.)

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Don’t Question The Questions

| Norfolk, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Popular, Rude & Risque

(We have to ensure a customer is who they say they are by asking them some security questions. Many customers get angry at this, but it’s the law. I get a call from an old man who gives me the account number.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I need you to confirm your name.”

Customer: *confirms name*

Me: “Wonderful. What is your date of birth?”

Customer: “None of your bloody business.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to ask you some security questions to ensure you are who you say you are.”

Customer: “Are you new? You seem really unsure of yourself and I don’t think you know what you’re doing.”

Me: “How long I have worked here is irrelevant. You must answer these security questions. It has been the law for some time now. If you do not answer these questions I cannot discuss your policy with you.”

Customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” *hangs up*

(A few hours go by and I think nothing of it. Then my manager comes up to me looking very upset. Apparently the customer called and made a complaint and said I asked him lots of inappropriate questions including what his wife’s bra size was! I assure that I said no such thing and my manager goes off and listens to the call. I am then invited in with her into one of our training rooms when she calls the customer so I can listen in.)

Manager: “Hello, Mr. [Customer]. My name is [Manager]. I am the manager. I have looked at your complaint. I have listened to the call and I think you may have misunderstood my colleague. She did not ask for your wife’s bra size and she was following the data protection act as she has been instructed to do as is both the law and our company policy.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying that because you didn’t hear her ask those horrible, personal questions about my wife’s breasts on that recording of yours that it didn’t happen?!”

Manager: “…Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying, sir.”

(The customer hung up.)

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A Tow-tal Breakdown

| Lexington, KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Transportation

(I work at a roadside assistance call center. I take calls for customers who need a tow, tire change, unlocking, etc…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; are you in a safe location?”

Caller: “Hello? I need you to tow my car.”

Me: “All right, where is the car located?”

Caller: “I don’t know. That’s why I need you to get it.”

Me: *thinking she broke down and didn’t know where she was* “Okay, what city are you in?”

Caller: “Me? I’m in Cincinnati. That’s where you can bring it when you get it.”

Me: “Oh, is someone else with the car?”

Caller: “Yeah, my boyfriend.”

Me: “Okay… Do you want to have him call me with an address of the car’s location?”

Caller: “He’s not answering his phone.”

Me: “Well, we need to know where the car is in order to tow it somewhere.”

Caller: “Are you listening to me? I don’t know where it is! My boyfriend got mad and took off with it! That’s why I need you to bring it back!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t tow a vehicle unless we know where it is.”

Caller: “Why the heck not?”

Me: “Where would we send the tow truck? If you don’t know where the car is, how do you expect us to find it?”

Caller: “Well, what else am I supposed to do? He took my car without my permission!”

Me: “Perhaps you should call the police.”

Caller: “You know what? That’s a great idea!” *click*

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