I work in a call centre. A customer calls me and I have to go through standard security before accessing the customer.

Customer: “How do I know who you are? You are asking for this information and I don’t know you!”

Me: “These are standard security questions that were set up during the account. And you called me.”

Customer: “You could be anyone! You don’t just ask people these sorts of questions!”

I cut off the rant.

Me: “As I said, these are standard security questions that we ask every customer, and you called us.”

Customer: “It’s a scam! I’m going to report you to the FCA [Financial Conduct Authority]! I’m a solicitor, young man, so you must understand that I know the law!”

Me: “Then you would know about the Data Protection Act, which prevents us from revealing sensitive information to people who can’t pass security.”

The customer loses it.

Customer: “I’m having lunch with your chairman, and I will have your job! Now, if you don’t want to be fired, give me what I need!”

Me: “I can, as long as you pass security.”

At this point, I know the customer is going to swear. Three swear words, and as long as I signpost it, I can terminate the call.

Customer: “YOU LITTLE C***!”

Me: “Please don’t swear; otherwise, I have to terminate the call.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do, you b*****d! I will have your f****** job for this. Do you know who I am?! I pay your wages! I earn more in an hour than you do in a day, you f******—”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’m going to terminate this call due to foul language.”

I ended the call and fully noted the account.

I worked for a shoe company and in the team that took inbound USA calls. The USA customers were… different. 

A frequent misunderstanding was the Buy one get one free offer. For example, a customer may return their free item for a replacement, one customer did this twice one the same order. Unfortunately, they did not call before returning it and we were out of stock.

Caller: “This is terrible; just issue me a refund!”

Me: “I apologise, as this is a free item, there is no money to refund. We can offer you a different shoe as a replacement, there may be a slight charge.”

Caller: *Now irate.* “I have lost money! This is unacceptable; I want a manager. I have been violated!”

Me: “I can certainly do that, but if I may say you will still be receiving a good discount and the bought pair of shoe had already been discounted as well.”

Hence, several minutes of raging till they begrudgingly paid $12 different for the replacement they wanted.

After she hung up, I had to take a minute to realise during all the crisis the in the world with people dying, someone had the gall to bead over shoes and to actually use the word “violated!”

I used to work for a large Internet provider. One day, I got a call from a man who was unable to access the Internet. While doing the normal troubleshooting, I happened to ask him how the weather was — you know, just filling some dead air.

Customer: “We had a storm last night.” *Pauses* “Never mind. I just looked outside. I’m not worried about the Internet; there’s a car flipped upside down in my backyard.”

I work in a call center and I answer a call.

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “This is for order [number], the excursion going to [Location].”

Me: *Pulls it up* “Okay… did you have any questions?”

Customer: “[Competitor] sells it for [price].”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, match the price, you idiot! Do I gotta spell everything out for you?”

Me: “We’re not obligated to match prices. We are as transparent as possible on our website about our prices without any hidden costs or obligations. It’s the responsibility of the customer to research which merchant would be a better option.”

Customer: “Then give me my money back!”

Me: “It’s non-refundable. We made that clear on our website before you finalized the purchase.”

Customer: *Click*

Two minutes later, the phone rings again and I answer with my greeting.

Customer: *Click*

My coworker’s phone rings. They answer.

Coworker: “Okay… Well, normally, we are not allowed to refund these types of tickets for any reason, but if you can verify that all three of your children are in the hospital, I can see if I can try to make a special exception.”

When a customer makes a purchase on our site, we in essence buy the ticket for them from a partnering vendor and make the reservation. Any refunds come out of OUR company’s pockets, and we’d better have a darn good reason for authorizing it, especially for amounts well over $1,000, like this person’s purchase was.

I looked over at my coworker’s screen to see the customer ticket pulled up. I wrote on a sticky note, “He’s lying. Do NOT authorize the refund,” and gave it to my coworker.

Coworker: *Reading the note* “Sir, I’m afraid I can’t assist you. You’re going to need to contact the corporate office for a final decision. Their information is— Yeah, hang up on me.”

The phone rings again and I answer.

Customer: “Oh. You again. Look, why can’t you just match the price?”

Me: “We are under no obligation to do that. We state our prices clearly. And the tickets are non-refundable, as is stated clearly.”

Customer: “Look, I at least need the extra money if you can’t do the refund. Our electricity and water are about to be turned off, my two-year-old child barely—”

Me: “Sir, you’re going to need to contact the corporate office. Have a nice day.” *Hangs up*

He finally accepted his purchase and didn’t contact us further.

The best call I ever had was from a lady who was around ninety. I gave her my greeting, including my name, which is required when we start a call.

Lady: “Where are you overseas? And what’s your real name?”

Me: “As I said, my name is [My Name], and we’re in [Town].”

Lady: “That’s impossible! I used to live in [Town], and I never heard of your company when I lived there!”

She started doing Twenty Questions about the town, all softballs anyone there would know. I aced them all and even told her where I parked when I took my folks to see the area’s big July Fourth fireworks. There was a long pause, and then:

Lady: “Describe the house across the street.”

I did, and she asked about the rose bushes out front. Guess whose house it was from twenty or twenty-five years before? She was so happy to hear about the rose bushes; they were hard to miss.

My call time went out the window. As I helped her with the original problem, we talked about all the changes to the town since she’d left. It was the best hour I ever spent on a snowy December twenty-third.