The Great Customer Disconnect

| Mexico | Right | September 23, 2014

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve been with no TV since this morning. I want to know what the f*** is happening with your service!”

Me: “I really apologize about this issue, sir. I will be more than happy to help you by troubleshooting your system. Would you please verify if your TV is connected to the source?”

Customer: “Do you think I am stupid? I would not be calling if the TV is disconnected and— never mind.”

(The customer hung up. No further explanations.)

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Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 4

, | Dublin, Ireland | Right | September 19, 2014

(A customer calls to book a flight from London to Berlin. The aircraft assigned for that route had recently been changed from a jet-engine to a propeller plane. I am required to inform passengers when booking the flight.)

Customer: “A propeller plane? But if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!”

(I was momentarily silenced as I tried to work out how this wasn’t also true for the jet aircraft. The passenger eventually decided to chance it and booked the flight.)

Related:
Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3
Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

Charlie Is Barely Barley, Bizarrely

| Canada | Right | September 15, 2014

(We interact with customers over the phone, and sometimes have to spell things out for them, so for clarity’s sake, we are encouraged to memorize and use the NATO phonetics to spell when needed. A as in Alpha, B as in Bravo…)

Me: “Okay, please type this in: C for Charlie—”

Customer: “B for barley?”

(So much for clarity!)

Can Make Your Head Swim

| Stevens Point, WI, USA | Right | September 15, 2014

(At the call center I work at we get weird calls from people testing out the service all the time. Some include random trivia questions, about random subjects. We have to answer all questions seriously and try to get sources if we can.)

Me: “Thank you for contacting [Company] Concierge. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

(At this point I see he is calling in from Texas.)

Me: “Certainly, I’ll do my best to answer any question you may have.”

Customer: “Well, this is a serious question. Are you sure?”

Me: “Anything at all. No need to be shy. What’s the question?”

Customer: “Well… um… can deer swim?”

Me: “Let me check for you, sir… Well, sir, I found a YouTube video of a deer swimming, and I’m watching it right now. So, yes. Deer can swim.”

Customer: “For real?”

Me: “Yes, sir, deer can swim.”

Customer: “I just don’t believe it. I need to see it myself. Can you send me a link to that video?”

Me: “Yes, sir. It will just take a second as I send that.”

Customer: *slightly muffled* “Honey, sounds like deer can swim. I know. I can’t believe it.”

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When New Hires Become New Fires

| Greenville, SC, USA | Working | September 9, 2014

(We have a group of new hires coming into our call center who are a bit overdressed for the positions they have been hired for. I have been at this job for two years, and am at work wearing a shirt and jeans, sneakers, etc. I run into two of the new hires in the break room.)

New Hire #1: “Man, would you look at that.” *points towards me as I make coffee*

New Hire #2: “Yeah, what the h***, man? How’d he even get an interview?”

(I realize that they think I am a new hire like them, and finish making my coffee while they speak about me like I’m not here.)

Me: *turning to them* “I got my interview three years ago, and I blew them out of the water. Good luck making your 90 days with an attitude like that.”

(I walked past them, coffee in hand. I didn’t expect either one to last longer than a month.)

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