Check The Holodeck

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

(I work at a call center for a satellite TV company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m not getting any picture on my TV.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. I would be happy to try to help you resolve this.”

(After going through some basic troubleshooting for several minutes, I’m finally able to determine that her satellite box isn’t connected to her television.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’ll need to connect your box to your TV in order to see a picture.”

Customer: “You’re lying! I’ve had your service for years. I’ve never had to hook up my TV!”

(This customer had actually only just signed up for service a few days earlier.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid this company’s equipment has always needed to be connected to a television in order to display a picture.”

Customer: “But I thought the box could make a picture above it – like a hologram or something.”

Me: “Ma’am, if our equipment could do that, we would be charging you a lot more for your programming…”

A Rather Surprising Problem To Address

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “May I please have your address?”

Customer: *confused* “Is that… on my bill somewhere?”

Me: “It’s usually on the front of your house.”

Talking To Private Line

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Military

(I am a customer service representative for a big phone company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]! My name is [Name]! Is the phone number you’re calling in reference to [Phone Number]?

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Great! And how can I assist you today?”

Caller: “I am just calling to warn you. I have an army ready to take down [Phone Company].”

Me: “Uhm… okay. I’m sorry? Is there a problem I can help you resolve?”

Caller: “No! I don’t want your help. I know how you people are. You’re all after one thing. Money. You’ve charged my bill like crazy. ON. PURPOSE. We are going to take you down!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you’re having a billing issue sir. I’m sure I can fix it for you. I’m taking a look at your bill right now—”

Caller: “I don’t want your help! I have friends in the government!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the issue is. What can I do to help you?”

Caller: “Tell your boss. And your boss’s boss. I’m going to take you down! You think you can cheat me!?”

Me: “No… sir?”

Caller: *hangs up*