Insufficient Data To Handle Any Alternative

| Canada | Right | October 15, 2014

(I work as tech support over the phone for an Internet company. I cannot get the customer’s modem back online and need to book a technician to get the service up and running. Unfortunately it’s a Friday, and the next available tech isn’t until Monday.)

Customer: “Well, this is just great! Now I’m going to have to use my cell phone to watch movies all weekend, and that’s going to use up all my data! You need to give me a credit to cover my extra data usage!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to give you a credit for your cell phone data plan.”

Customer: “So now I won’t have Internet all weekend, and my data’s all going to get used up to watch movies!”

Me: “I do have you on the priority cancellation list, so they will call you if another appointment does open up before then. If it does, they’ll call you and make sure the time works for you; they won’t just come out without any notice. But of course I can’t guarantee a spot will open up.”

Customer: “That’s great, but what about my data?”

Me: “Well… You don’t have to watch movies on your cell phone.”

Customer: “No, I do! I don’t have any choice! My Internet’s down so the only way I have to watch movies is on my cell!”

Me: “No, I mean you don’t have to watch any movies.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I mean, I understand your Internet’s not working and if you watch movies on your cell it’ll be a big hit to your data plan. But you don’t have to actually watch movies.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I only have my cell. It’s the only connection that’s working right now.”

Me: “You don’t have to watch movies. You could do something else.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you mean.”

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Just Called To Say We Called

, | Vitória, ES, Brazil | Working | October 14, 2014

(My cellphone provider used to call me several times a day to offer their ‘awesome’ services. I got fed up and told them to stop. It took a while and I had to involve the regulatory agency.)

(Phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hi! It’s [Telemarketer] from [Provider]…”

Me: “I asked to be let out of your call list.”

Telemarketer: “Yes! We are calling to ask you to get back to our offer service!”

Me: “…?”

Telemarketer: “You’ll never miss an amazing offer ever again!”

Me: “…am I supposed to be laughing?”

(I’m still trying to get them to stop.)

Your Nameless Days Are Numbered

| IL, USA | Right | October 13, 2014

(We always ask for the name first for several reasons. We need to give the system time to populate their information and we need to make sure that we’re allowed to speak to the caller before we get in too deep.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m calling about my claim for date of service [date] with [Doctor] and you guys say I owe [amount].”

(I head-desk, and pause longer than company standard, as I furiously try to note the information I was given because we get dinged for making callers repeat information.)

Me: “Okay, I can look at that claim for you. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: *gives first, middle, and last name, spelling all three*

Me: “Thank you. And may I have your phone number so I can document that we spoke today?”

Customer: “What number?”

Me: *reaches for more headache meds and coffee*

Geography Skills Suffering From A Tokyo Drift

, | USA | Working | October 13, 2014

(I’ve somehow ended up on ‘high security’ from my credit card company. As such, even though the card I carry is meant specifically for people who travel abroad frequently, I have to call in and let them know when I’m going abroad so my card will work outside of the US. I call to tell them about an upcoming trip.)

Me: “Hi. I’m calling because I will be traveling abroad soon, and I need my card to work while traveling.”

Representative: “We can certainly put a travel notation on your account, and your card will work in your destination. Where will you be traveling?”

Me: “My final destination is China, but I will be transiting through Tokyo and Hong Kong on my way there. Can you set it up so that my card will work in Tokyo, Hong Kong, and mainland China during [dates]?”

Representative: “Certainly. Please hold momentarily.” *comes back after a minute* “You’re all set for your trip.”

(A week later in Narita airport…)

Cashier At Restaurant: “I’m sorry, ma’am, your card was declined.”

(Fortunately she was nice enough to let me go to an ATM and withdraw funds from my work card to pay the bill. Upon returning home, I call my bank again…)

Me: “Yes, I called before my latest trip and specifically asked that my card be available for use in Tokyo, Hong Kong, and China. However, my card was declined in Tokyo, and the only reason I can figure is that you failed to allow use of my card in Japan. I’m not extremely upset, but I’d like to know what I can do to make sure my card works when I travel in the future.”

Representative: “Let me check the notes… Oh. Oh, Oh… I’m so, so sorry. It appears that the previous rep didn’t understand your travel information, and left a… uh… rather unsavory note about it.”

Me: “Are you joking? This card is for people who TRAVEL! What did she say in the note? I need a good laugh.”

Representative: “Before I say this, I want your permission and acknowledgement that you will not hold me responsible for coarse language.”

Me: *now chuckling* “Go ahead. I won’t be offended, and I promise you are in the clear, no matter what you say.”

Representative: “She wrote, ‘This dumb b**** made up countries called ‘Tokyo’ and ‘Hong Kong.’ Card has been activated for use in China. Fraud alert level has been increased for any other foreign use.’ It also appears from this that your card wouldn’t have worked in Hong Kong, since our system recognizes that separately from mainland China, but if she so much as started to type Hong Kong, it would have come up… Did you also have problems in Hong Kong?”

Me: “No, I didn’t try to use my card there since I was only in that airport for a few minutes before traveling on. Thanks for the laugh. Buy that ‘b****’ a map, would you?”

Representative: “We have noted your comment, and I’m sure the issue will be dealt with promptly.”

(And I now make sure to name the *country* every time I call in. Silly me for thinking that most people would know Tokyo is in Japan and that Hong Kong is a real place…or ask if they didn’t.)

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Needs A New Motherboard

| PA, USA | Working | October 12, 2014

(Part of our job as a help desk agent is, unfortunately, having to set up new users in a few programs. One program in particular only allows one session, so oftentimes, we end up getting kicked out by each other. I happen to witness this exchange.)

Coworker: “Anyone in [Program]?”

Team Leader: “I think your mom was.”

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