A Capital Offense

| AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science, Technology

(A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

A Whole New Meaning To Racing Games

| Stillwater, OK, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I work for a Singapore-based business. We support computer equipment, that often includes a free PC game.)

Customer: “Do y’all have any games that isn’t about [slur to describe Chinese people] or [slur describing black people]?”

Coworker: “Um, I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “F****** c****’s and n*****’s! All the games I got from your company have those people in them.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry you’re disappointed in the free games, but I’m going to have ask you to use more respectful language.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know they make you say that kind of nonsense. You’re going to have to replace these games though. I can’t play a game about those people.”

Coworker: “Like I said, sir, the games are free. If you’re offended, may I suggest not playing them?”

(My coworker presses the mute button and talks to the supervisor on duty.)

Coworker: “Can I disconnect someone for being racist?”

(The supervisor looks at the picture of my coworker’s very racially diverse family, and then picks up the phone.)

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m afraid that my c**** and n***** coworkers and I at our c**** company are going to have to ask you to take your racist game needs somewhere else. If you can find a single game anywhere that doesn’t have an Asian or Black person working on it, you are welcome to it. Please don’t call again.” *click*

Of All The Reasons For A Cause To Give You Pause

| Austin, TX, USA | Bigotry, Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a call center for a cancer charity. I generally speak to donors and volunteers that are very supportive of our mission.)

Me: “Hello, my name is [name]. Thank you for calling—”

Caller: “Are you a Muslim organization?”

Me: “Uh, no we are not.”

Caller: “Are you some kind of terrorist?”

Me: “No, of course not.”

Caller: “Well, I saw the bumper-sticker for your event, and it uses that d*** Muslim symbol with the moon and star.”

Me: “Oh… I can see why you might misunderstand. There is some similarity between the Muslim star and crescent, and the logo we use for our fundraising events. See, the event is a relay that goes on for 24 hours. It has a sun, moon, and star to symbolize that the fight against cancer goes on, day and night.”

Caller: “Where’d you get the idea for that!?”

Me: “The… sky?”

Caller: “I bet you have Muslims in your organization!”

Me: “Well, we do not discriminate on the basis of creed or race, and we are quite a large organization. I assume we do have some Muslims.”

Caller: “Well… you shouldn’t use that d*** Muslim symbol! You’re confusing people!”

Trash Talking Your Service

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work for a trash service. The customer I’m speaking with had an account several years ago that was cancelled due to non-payment. It still has a balance.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We cannot reactivate your account unless there is a zero balance.”

Customer: “Well I only put out my trash once a month! I will only pay for once a month pickup! I will not pay that amount!”

Me: “But once a month pickup is not a service we offer in any area.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I only put out my trash once a month! You are just trying to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want to pay for a service that doesn’t exist, only because you say it does?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Someone Needs To Treat Warhorse

| St. Cloud, MN, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I work at a call center that does outbound fundraising. One of our clients is the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota.)

Me: “Hello, this is [my name], calling for the ‘Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota’. Thanks for taking my call!”

Woman: “Wait, wait, did you say veterans?”

Me: “Yes, I was calling because—”

Woman: “I don’t need a veteran. I don’t even have any animals!”

(I can give her the benefit of the doubt for simply mixing up the words ‘veterans’ and ‘veterinarians’. But I have to wonder what she would have thought a veterinarian of foreign wars would be!)

Page 71/182First...6970717273...Last