Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

| USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

Customer: “I need your system!”

Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Technology, Underaged

(It’s the weekend after the release of ‘Grand Theft Auto V,’ and demand for it is high. It’s my first call of the day, and quickly I realise it’s an under-18 boy trying to place an order.)

Me: “Good Evening. [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Underage Customer: *squeaking* “Hi there. I’m wondering if it’s possible to order Grand Theft Auto V, please.”

Me: *smiling* “Absolutely. However, I’m required to warn you that an adult over the age of 18 must be present to sign for the delivery of the item, and that adult will be told exactly what’s being delivered before they sign for it. Is that okay?”

Underage Customer: *still squeaking* “F****** d***! F***!” *click*

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

Queen Of Hearts On Line Two

| MT, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I’m doing troubleshooting with a customer, mostly to see if I can figure out what’s wrong with her washer. She’s just unplugged it for one minute and plugged it back in.)

Me: “Okay, let’s try to get it to fill up with water, and then manually switch it to a point in the cycle where it drains.”

Caller: “Okay! I’ll do a speed wash, then you can call me back in 20 minutes when it’s done!”

Me: “Great idea!”

(I hear beeping in the background, and I’m assuming this is the machine beginning the cycle.)

Caller: “Oh, no! I think we broke it more!”

Me: *panicking* “Oh, no! What’s it doing?”

Caller: “Now the water isn’t even filling up! All the hoses are connected and everything!”

Me: “Oh, no! Well, I’ll go ahead and set up you for service then.”

Caller: “You were supposed to fix it, not make it worse! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!”

(The caller yells the last bit, and I jump so badly I fall out of my chair and knock my headset off. When I pick it back up, I hear her laughing.)

Caller: “Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry I scared you! I was only fooling!”

Me: “That’s okay. I’m awake now.”