Brain Unplugged

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The caller is having a problem with his Internet connection that can be fixed by restarting the modem. He says he already did, and needs a tech to come out, but I can see the modem hasn’t been turned off in a very long time.)

Me: “I’ll just have you unplug the modem for me right now, okay?”

Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

Me: “Okay, I can see the modem and it’s still online with us, so something else has been unplugged. It’s the skinny black wire coming out of the back of the modem. You can pull it right out of the back there; can you do that now for me please?”

Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

Me: “Are you sure? I can see it’s still online with us. Are there any lights lit up on the modem?”

Caller: “Yeah, there’s a bunch and two of them are flashing.”

Me: “Okay, well, the modem doesn’t have any batteries in there so it’s still getting power from somewhere. Can you please pull that skinny black cord right out of the back of the modem? It’ll pull right out.”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged.”

Me: “You pulled that skinny black cord out?”

Caller: “Yeah, yeah, it’s unplugged.”

Me: “And what are the lights doing?”

Caller: “They’re the same. Still two flashing.”

Me: “And you pulled out that cord, did you?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged!”

Me: “That doesn’t seem possible for it to be getting electricity when it’s not plugged in.”

(I can see perfectly well it’s still online and know he hasn’t unplugged it, but it’s not a type I can reboot from my end.)

Caller: “Yeah, I told you. My Internet doesn’t work! Now can you please send me a tech?”

Me: “Well, something certainly does seem to be wrong. The next appointment I have is in… three days.”

Caller: “That’s fine. Thanks.”

(I go ahead and book the tech, who will come out and get it online by unplugging it for a few seconds. For that, the caller has to wait for three days, when he could have just done what I told him to and been online again immediately!)

Pestering Pest Control

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work in the call center for a property management company that offers 24-hour maintenance and pest control.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Resident: *near hysterics* “There’s a pigeon in front of my house! It’s just sitting on the sidewalk!”

Me: *confused* “How can we help you, ma’am?”

Resident: “You need to have pest control out right now! It could be carrying bird flu! I have little kids in the house!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we cannot have pest control out for that. It will probably just move along by itself.”

Resident: “NO! They need to be out right away! I have errands to run and it’s just sitting there blocking my driveway!”

(Seeing that this was going nowhere, I just took her address and told her I’d notify pest control. Needless to say they had a good laugh about it.)

Getting A Call From The Idiot Factory

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: “So what’s in this supplement? I don’t want the product label; tell me what it’s MADE OF.”

Me: *after five minutes of searching and her complaining how long it was taking* “It’s made from chicken cartilage. Is that what you were wondering?”

Customer: “Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to know if you knew.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, where are your factory locations? Do you work there? You better work there if you’re selling me these products.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work in the factory. I take phone call orders. We don’t release our manufacturing locations.”

Customer: “Well, what kind of shady company are you?!” *hangs up*