| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

(I work selling insurance at an inbound call center for a well known company. This is set two or so days after the election and I still can’t believe it.)

Me: “All right, miss, your monthly premium for just yourself with be [some ridiculous number in the $600 range].”

Customer: “What? Even though Trump won?!”

(I sit there for a good 10 seconds with dead air, trying to comprehend that statement.)

Me: “Miss, the presidential election has no effect on the premium prices that were set for next year.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About, Part 3

| USA | Bizarre, Time

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support].”

Caller: “FINALLY! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to pick up the d*** phone?

Me: “Let me see… 36 seconds, sir.”

Caller: “Exactly! I can’t believe… Wait, what?”

Me: “You were on hold for exactly 36 seconds before I got to you.”

Caller: “…really? You can tell that?”

Me: “As soon as your call enters the queue it generates a note of the time you called in. Yours was logged at [time] which was just about 36… well, 46 seconds ago, now.”

Caller: “Well… it felt longer than that. D*** it now what am I supposed to do? This… this has never happened before!”

Me: “Did you have a tech related issue to report?”

Caller: “Uh, I think so… I can’t remember now! I… you’ve thrown my whole thought process off!”

(He hangs up. A little while later I pick up another call, and notice it’s the exact same number.)

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support].”

Caller: “Thank God! Do you know how long I’ve been on hold? Waiting for you to get off your damn a** and help me?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “According to the time stamp you had a wait of 26 seconds this time before I got to you. That’s a pretty good improvement over your previous call.”

Caller: “For the love of God! Look, your stupid intro recording says I might experience higher than average wait times! What am I supposed to do if you then immediately answer the phone?”

Me: “Be glad you didn’t have to wait for very long and enjoy getting your issue resolved promptly?”

(He grumbled all the way through the troubleshooting process, complaining about how we shouldn’t be so quick to answer calls or be able to track the amount of time a customer has been on hold.)

Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About, Part 2
Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 4

| UK | Money, Religion

(I work in a call center for car insurance. We currently have a promotion for people over 50, where if their info matches up from last year (same registration, same main occupation, same people on policy, etc.) then we’ll price match their renewal offer from their existing company, and knock off an extra £50. Any deviation from what we need to match up means we can’t offer the promotion anymore: eg. if it was just one person on their original policy, and they want to add a second driver this time round, etc. They then have to send in their renewal premium as proof, as long as it matches, they’ll get the money refunded to make it the price of the over 50s offer.

This sort of thing happens constantly:)

Me: “And what is your current job?”

Customer #1: “Taxi driver.”

Me: “Okay, and is that what your job was last year on your renewal premium? Just checking it off my list.”

Customer #1: “No, I was working at a fish and chip place.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we can’t give you the offer, as your info no longer matches.”

Customer #1: “Well, just make it match, then!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean, sir?”

Customer #1: “Just say that I’m still working as a cashier at the fish and chip place!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. You’ve already told me that you’re a taxi driver.”

Customer #1: “So? Why can’t you change it? I said you have to make it match, so just make it match!”

Me: “It’s illegal to lie on your insurance, sir, and I can’t help you do that know that you’ve told me what your actual job is.”

Customer #1: “Well, I’ll just take my business elsewhere!” *hangs up*

(Another caller:)

Me: “And your main job?”

Customer #2: “I’m retired now, but I still do clergy work and service on the side.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll put you down as retired but ‘clergy’ in the part time occupation; is that the same as last year?”

Customer #2: “Last year I was a full-time clergy. I’m retired now, though.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but you don’t qualify for the offer as your info no longer matches up to last year.”

Customer #2: “What do you mean? I’m still a clergy, so of course it matches up.”

Me: “I know you said you still do it on the side, but you are fully retired now and that changes aspects of the quote, and it doesn’t match up anymore because you weren’t retired last year.”

Customer #2: “But I am a MAN. OF. GOD! That will never change! It’s not your usual type of job; I’ll never not be a clergy!”

Me: “That’s fair enough sir, but the main issue here is that you’re retired, but you weren’t last year. it doesn’t match up anymore.”


Me: “Again, I understand that, but YOU. ARE. RETIRED. NOW. You were NOT retired last year; you ARE retired this year. IT. DOES. NOT. MATCH.”

Customer #2: “Well, this was a waste of time!” *hangs up*

(Yet another caller:)

Customer #3: “Oh, I’m so confused by this, Why do you have to make this so complicated!?”

Me: “I’ll try to explain again, sir. I’ve gotten all of your info, from what you’ve told me. It matches. We will charge you the full price now, and when you receive the free post envelope, send your renewal premium to us. When we see it matches, we’ll refund you the money for the offer.”

Customer #3: “Oh, but that’s so confusing. Why are you making it so difficult? Why can’t you just take it off now?”

Me: “We can’t do that, as we don’t know that it matches. Just send us your renewal premium and we’ll refund the money. That’s it.”

Customer #3: “Oh, but that’s so confusing. Why can’t you just take the price down now?”

Me: “I’ve already explained, sir. We just need the proof that it matches. We’ll send a free-postage envelope. Just send it in that and we’ll refund the money.”

Customer #3: “But that’s so complicated! Why can’t you just take the money off now?!”

Me: *face-palm*

(And my favourite:)


Me: “Miss, the point of the offer is to give you a refund AFTER we see proof, and you did the quote online. Did you expect our website to just magically know what your renewal price was and it would automatically take the money off for you?”

Customer #4: *silence, then hangs up*

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 3
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 2
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

Not Even Remotely Closed-Minded

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work in a call center for a higher end computer component company. Occasionally we received calls that need to be transferred to our home office, which is in the next time zone an hour ahead of us. At 4:15 pm (so 5:15 pm, after closing time, at our home office,) I receive a call from a woman insisting that she needs to be transferred to our head department IMMEDIATELY.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but our head department is closed for the day. I can see that you’re in California, so I can assure you that you can call back tomorrow anytime between eight 8 am and four pm and we would be happy to redirect your call at that time.”

Caller: “What do you mean they’re closed?”

Me: I mean that everyone in that department, and indeed in the whole home office, has gone home for the day.”

Caller: “Well, that’s not going to work for me! There should be someone there!”

Me: “Ma’am, may I ask where you’re calling from?”

Caller: “My home, but I don’t see what that has to do with this, you little s***!”

Me: “I assume due to the nature of your call that you worked today, is that correct?”

Caller: *sheepishly* “Yes…”

Me: “And did you hang around after your department closed?”

Caller: No, why the f*** would I do that? What are you, an idiot?”

(At this point I remain completely silent, waiting for her to realize what she’s just said, and after a few moments I hear:)

Caller: “Oh, F*CK YOU!”

(She hung up without another word. I was let go shortly thereafter, although I was told during my exit interview that I had officially accomplished the funniest reason to be fired in company history, so there’s that at least!)

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 23
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21

Always One Answer Ahead

| USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I work in customer service for a large pharmaceutical wholesaler. I speak to a lot of busy pharmacists who are too busy to listen to me, but this one took the cake!)

Customer: “Can you tell me when [item] will be back in stock?”

Me: “I’d be happy to help with that! Bear with me a few moments while I look it up, please.”

Customer: “Can you look it up?”

Me: “Certainly, it will just take a few seconds to populate.”

Customer: “Do you see it?”

Me: “It’s almost loaded… Okay, I do apologize, but it looks like my information for this item is outdated. I will need to check with the distribution center for an update.”

Customer: “Can you find out from the distribution center?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I will send them a ticket and call you back with their response.”

Customer: “Will you call me back?”

Me: “Yes. May I verify your phone number is [number]?”

Customer: “Thank you! Bye!”

(Fortunately, it was the correct number. I was worried, since he didn’t seem to hear most of anything else I had said!)

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