Modern TV’s Have A Solid State

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a call center that deals with warranties on different products. In order to file any complaints regarding the product, I first have to get all of the info about the product. I am speaking to a customer who is calling to make a complaint about her TV.)

Me: “Alright, and would you mind telling me the size of your television?”

Customer: “I’m not sure what size it is. Should I measure it?”

Me: “No, no, that is fine. Could you tell me what brand it is?”

Customer: “It is [name brand TV set].”

Me: “Great, thank you! And now could you tell me if it is an LCD or LED TV?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, it is the type of screen. I can’t remember what LED stands for currently, but I know LCD stands for ‘Liquid Crystal Display’.”

Customer: “Oh… okay. Just one second and I’ll find out for you.”

Me: “Great, thanks!”

(I hear silence over the phone for a moment, then some light tapping sounds in the background.)

Customer: “Okay, I’m back, and it isn’t a Liquid Crystal Display. The screen is too hard!”

Stereotypes Are A Bigot’s Best Friend

| Stewart, BC, Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

(Born and raised in Donegal, Ireland, I moved to Canada in my late teens. I still carry an extremely thick accent. I am working my first day at a call center and pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hello, my name is Danny; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry; what did you say? Your name is Darry?”

Me: “My name is Danny, sir. Short form of Daniel.”

Customer: “Wait, are you a Scotsman?”

Me: “Irishman, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, f***’s sake! Put me on the phone with someone who can help me.”

Me: “Well, sir, I am new to this profession, but I assure you that I’ll—”

Customer: “No, just shut up and get me an American! You can go get drunk off an a**-load of whiskey that you pale f***s live for.”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I work in a Canadian call center, and therefore most of the workers here are Canadian, not American.”

Customer: “I can’t understand you! You’re slurring because of how f****** drunk you always are! Go get me your boss, ya f****** Leprechaun!”

(I proceed to put my boss on the phone, who happens to be an African-American.)

Customer: “Sir, my call was just answered by an Irishman.”

(My boss raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug.)

Boss: “Yes, and?”

Customer: “And I want to make that next time I call, I don’t end up with a n****** on the other end. Real people should be doing this kind of work. I’m sure you’re a respectable man who will think about this.”

Boss: “Actually, sir, I happen to be black.”

Customer: “Oh, s***!” *hangs up*

The Fully-Insured Walking Dead

| Draper, UT, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Zombies

(My company sells music gear. We have a coverage plan that we are required to pitch to each customer on every item that qualifies. We are encouraged to get creative with our coverage pitches. I am talking to a woman about a keyboard.)

Me: “So, we offer this extended plan which covers any kind of accidental damage, wear and tear, and shipping costs. The only things we don’t cover are theft, intentional abuse, and acts of God. So, set on fire, struck by lightning, floods, tornadoes, zombie attacks—”

Customer: “What? You don’t cover zombies?!”

Me: “We will cover if the zombie accidentally knocks your keyboard over, or if it bleeds all over it. But if you intentionally hit the zombie with your keyboard, you’re on your own. And if that’s your zombie-killing weapon, may God be with you.”

Customer: “Do you watch The Walking Dead, by any chance?”

Me: “Yes, I do! Although, I am actually terrified of zombies. The main reason I watch the show is because I am a huge Norman Reedus fan.”

Customer:” Me, too! He’s my favorite character!”

(What follows is a ten minute conversation about the show itself, how awesome Daryl Dixon is, and the pros and cons of various zombie weapons. The customer makes my day. She bought coverage, too!)

Does Not Pass With Flying Colors

| Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Working with a brand of wireless router and walking a customer through power cycling it, I am waiting to see if the status light comes on either green or red to determine its status.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, could you please tell me what color the status light is?”

Customer: “Orange.”

Me: “Orange?”

Customer: “Or blue. I can’t tell; I’m not computer literate!”

Not The Greatest Heights Of Intelligence

| Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I’m working a helpline with a woman to take her information so she can sign up for help to quit smoking. She’s clearly not the brightest berry in the bunch, and I’ve had to explain nearly every question in super-easy terms.)

Me: “What is the highest level of education you’ve had?”

Caller: “Five foot nine.”

Page 68/182First...6667686970...Last