Fee For The Taking

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Caller: “I would like free shipping for this product.”

Me: “We’re sorry, but we don’t have any free shipping deals today.”

Caller: “I want free shipping.”

Me: “There is no free shipping, so I really can’t give you free shipping.”

Caller: “I don’t want the product, then.”

(I decide to try another approach.)

Me: “How about I add $6.99 to your order and then give you free shipping? Would that be okay?”

Caller: “That would be great! Thank you so much! Thanks for the great customer service!”

Me: “Okay, sir. You go have a good day.”

Caller: “Thank you! Thanks for the free shipping!”

Viva La Revelation

| Florida, USA | Time

(It’s the 4th of July, and I’m 9.5 hours into my 10-hour shift. For the umpteenth time today, a customer asks why I’m working on the 4th of July.)

Me: “Welcome to [credit card] customer service. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Why the h*** are you at work on Independence Day?! Are you even American?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I was born and raised in Florida. How can I help you?”

Customer: “If you’re really an American, you wouldn’t be working today. You’d be celebrating our nation’s freedom!”

Me: “You know, I’d love to be with the rest of my family enjoying the festivities and fireworks, not to mention the food, but I’m here working to support my family. And, I wouldn’t be working if YOU weren’t calling.”

Customer: “Oh… I never thought of it that way.”

Me: “No one ever does. How can I help you?”

Leap Days Of Logic

| Ontario, Canada | Time

(The call center is in Canada, but we have many customers from the USA. This call comes in toward the end of the day on July 4th.)

Caller: “So, did you have a good Fourth of July?”

Me: “Well, I’m in Canada, so it’s just a regular day here, but it was not bad. We do have Canada Day, which is July 1st.”

Caller: *confused* “So… then… is today July 3rd for you, or July 5th?”

Courage Under Fire

| Boise, ID, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to make a payment on my account, please.”

(Suddenly, the fire alarm starts screaming its little mechanical head off.)

Me: “Sir, I apologize, but our fire alarm is going off and I have to leave the building. You’ll need to call back.”

Caller: “I don’t give a d*** if you burn to death. You’re going to take my payment right now!”

Me: “Not happening, sir. Please call back.” *I hang up the call*

Manager: “Why are you still sitting there? Get out! Do you want to burn to death?”

Me: “Well, the customer wanted me to!” *I grab my purse and run out*

We Few, We Unhappy Few

| Houston, TX, USA | Top

(After receiving excellent customer service from a representative, I ask to be transferred to a supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Hello, I’m [name]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hello! I was just working with [name of rep], and I wanted to tell someone what a great job she did. She was patient, friendly, efficient and knowledgeable, and she really helped me out.”

Supervisor: “I’m very glad to hear that! Thanks so much for bringing this to my attention! I sincerely apologize!”

Me: “Um…you apologize?”

Supervisor: “Oops. I meant to say ‘appreciate’. I guess I’m just used to taking calls and immediately having to apologize.”

Me: *laughing* “No worries whatsoever. I work in customer service, too.”

Supervisor: “OH. Then you know.”