Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

(The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

First Get Assurance You Have The Right Insurance

, | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

Me: “Motor Claims, this is [my name].”

Customer: “God, finally. I’ve been on hold to you for ages! My claim number is [insert number].”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Here, let me ring this up for you.”

(I get halfway through before I realize something is off about the number the customer has given me.)

Customer: “I’m sick to the teeth! I need to know what you guys are doing with my car!”

Me: “Uhm, ma’am—”

Customer: “You keep telling me it will be ready this week! Someone will call me back! Blah blah blah!”

Me: “Ma—”

Customer: “Just tell me what’s going on with my car!”

Me: “I… can’t.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I can’t tell you what’s going on with your car.”

Customer: “Wait, why not?!”

Me: “This isn’t one of our claim numbers.”

Customer: “Is this [other insurance company]?”

Me: “No, madam. This is [insurance company].”

Customer: “Well f***. I just wasted half an hour of my life.” *click*

Modern TV’s Have A Solid State

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a call center that deals with warranties on different products. In order to file any complaints regarding the product, I first have to get all of the info about the product. I am speaking to a customer who is calling to make a complaint about her TV.)

Me: “Alright, and would you mind telling me the size of your television?”

Customer: “I’m not sure what size it is. Should I measure it?”

Me: “No, no, that is fine. Could you tell me what brand it is?”

Customer: “It is [name brand TV set].”

Me: “Great, thank you! And now could you tell me if it is an LCD or LED TV?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, it is the type of screen. I can’t remember what LED stands for currently, but I know LCD stands for ‘Liquid Crystal Display’.”

Customer: “Oh… okay. Just one second and I’ll find out for you.”

Me: “Great, thanks!”

(I hear silence over the phone for a moment, then some light tapping sounds in the background.)

Customer: “Okay, I’m back, and it isn’t a Liquid Crystal Display. The screen is too hard!”

Stereotypes Are A Bigot’s Best Friend

| Stewart, BC, Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

(Born and raised in Donegal, Ireland, I moved to Canada in my late teens. I still carry an extremely thick accent. I am working my first day at a call center and pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hello, my name is Danny; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry; what did you say? Your name is Darry?”

Me: “My name is Danny, sir. Short form of Daniel.”

Customer: “Wait, are you a Scotsman?”

Me: “Irishman, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, f***’s sake! Put me on the phone with someone who can help me.”

Me: “Well, sir, I am new to this profession, but I assure you that I’ll—”

Customer: “No, just shut up and get me an American! You can go get drunk off an a**-load of whiskey that you pale f***s live for.”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I work in a Canadian call center, and therefore most of the workers here are Canadian, not American.”

Customer: “I can’t understand you! You’re slurring because of how f****** drunk you always are! Go get me your boss, ya f****** Leprechaun!”

(I proceed to put my boss on the phone, who happens to be an African-American.)

Customer: “Sir, my call was just answered by an Irishman.”

(My boss raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug.)

Boss: “Yes, and?”

Customer: “And I want to make that next time I call, I don’t end up with a n****** on the other end. Real people should be doing this kind of work. I’m sure you’re a respectable man who will think about this.”

Boss: “Actually, sir, I happen to be black.”

Customer: “Oh, s***!” *hangs up*

The Fully-Insured Walking Dead

| Draper, UT, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Zombies

(My company sells music gear. We have a coverage plan that we are required to pitch to each customer on every item that qualifies. We are encouraged to get creative with our coverage pitches. I am talking to a woman about a keyboard.)

Me: “So, we offer this extended plan which covers any kind of accidental damage, wear and tear, and shipping costs. The only things we don’t cover are theft, intentional abuse, and acts of God. So, set on fire, struck by lightning, floods, tornadoes, zombie attacks—”

Customer: “What? You don’t cover zombies?!”

Me: “We will cover if the zombie accidentally knocks your keyboard over, or if it bleeds all over it. But if you intentionally hit the zombie with your keyboard, you’re on your own. And if that’s your zombie-killing weapon, may God be with you.”

Customer: “Do you watch The Walking Dead, by any chance?”

Me: “Yes, I do! Although, I am actually terrified of zombies. The main reason I watch the show is because I am a huge Norman Reedus fan.”

Customer:” Me, too! He’s my favorite character!”

(What follows is a ten minute conversation about the show itself, how awesome Daryl Dixon is, and the pros and cons of various zombie weapons. The customer makes my day. She bought coverage, too!)

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