Acting Hypertext

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I take escalated calls for a major cell phone provider.)

Caller: “My son received a text from a wrong number, so I had his number changed. The lady I was speaking to waived the $15 fee, but we had to program the new number in, so I want a $50 credit.”

(Note: it was one text asking for class notes, sent to the wrong number.)

Me: “I apologize that you received a text from a wrong number, and I’m glad we could help, but we can’t give a credit for programming a phone.”

Caller: *high-pitched, unintelligible, wordless shrieking*

Me: “Ma’am, please stop yelling at me.”

Caller: *shrieking doubles in volume*

Me: “Ma’am, this is solving nothing.”

Caller: *starts growling*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to disconnect this call of you keep treating me this way. I don’t appreciate being yelled at.”

Caller: *calmly* “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.”

(Later…)

Supervisor: “Thanks for that call. I had to hang up on her. That was fun!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

, | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Thank you for calling the credit card department; my name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I wanted to see when will I receive my new credit card.”

Me: “It will be my pleasure to assist you; can I have your social to see the application?”

(The customer provides her social, and after checking I see there are no credit cards in process of being offered to her. Still, I check the social in our database to see if she already has an account with us and didn’t receive the card. The account is there for a $300 dollar card, all maxed out.)

Me: “Ms. [Name], I do see that you already have an account with us. When did you apply for a second card?”

Customer: “I didn’t apply, but I already used all the money from the first card! I was wondering when you would give me another!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 24
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

Your Scamming Days Are Numbered

| VA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(I’m working in a cell phone customer service call center. We can see the number the customers are calling from.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; this is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to report a phone that was stolen.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What’s the number?”

(The customer gives me the exact same number of the phone the customer is calling from.)

Me: “Uh, sir. That’s the number that you are on.”

Customer: “S***!” *hangs up*

Her Number Has Been (Tali)Banned

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money, Politics

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to go over my bill; it’s higher than normal! Why are you double charging me!?”

Me: “Alright, let me pull up the bill and I’ll help you with that. I see here that we have voice overage of 347 minutes totaling $138.80. Add that to your regular bill and the taxes involved and that’s why it’s so high. Would you like me to increase your plan allowance to prevent this in the future? I see based on an analysis of your account that this seems to be happening every mo—”

Caller: “No, I want you to credit that back to me! I’ve been with [Company] for 30 years! You owe me at least that for all the money I’ve spent for your services.”

(I note that she’s been with us for nine months, the last six of which she has gone over her allowance, and the last five of which she has received a credit for. Based on notes, it was because she was persistent and demanding and it was done to get her off the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, I understand how frustrating this can be; however in the last five months you have received credits for your overages. You’ve been advised of how to know when you’re going over, and based on that, it’s only $20 more for the next tier of minutes. Considering your overages, I’d be willing to rerate you as if you had been on that plan and issue a credit back, except for the increased minutes, but this will be the last credit issued on the account for overages.”

Caller: “No, I don’t want to pay for that other plan! I’m not increasing it! Oh for crying out loud, hold on!”

(In the background I can hear her clearly working at a clothing store.)

Caller: *to someone else* “Oh these shirts are buy two get one free, so if you grab another, one of these will be free. Mm-hmm! Okay, bye-bye!”

(The customer then returns to our call.)

Caller: “Okay, so I want you to credit the overages back for me, but I’m not going to increase my plan.”

Me: “Ma’am, I couldn’t help overhearing, but you have a deal going on at your store?”

Caller: “Oh, yes! You can buy two shirts and get a third free! It’s really a great deal!”

Me: “So if I came up to the counter and put four shirts on the counter, how many would you charge me for?”

Caller: “Well, three of them of course.”

Me: “But I only want to pay for the two.”

Caller: “You’d have to get another shirt and then you can get a second free, but the deal only comes with one free shirt for every two you buy.”

Me: “Just like your plan; it comes with 450 minutes. You want the other 347 for free, but that’s not included in the deal. So if you want those minutes, you have to pay for them.”

Caller: “You’re just trying to trick me!”

Me: “Not at all, ma’am; I’m just explaining it another way. Your deal is that two shirts get you one free. Your cell phone plan is 450 minutes included, but anything else is overage… but if you go to the 900 minute plan, it’d be $20 more, and save you money because you would get those extra minutes you’ve been charged in overage included. So your option is this: increase the plan, or no credit. At all. You’ve been credited five months straight, but I am not going to issue a penny unless you take action to prevent further overages.”

Caller: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER! YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE IS TERRIBLE! I HOPE THE TALIBAN KILLS YOUR FAMILY!”

Me: “Really? You’re going to threaten my family because you refuse to take responsibility for your own overages? Sure, here’s my manager.”

(My manager has been listening because as soon as the caller started screaming I had flagged him over. He takes over.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I am from Iran. I watched the Taliban kill my two sons because they wouldn’t join. You want me to issue a credit after making that kind of a threat? No. I’ve flagged your account. You will receive no further credits. Pay your bill through the automated system before the fifteenth to avoid a late fee, which also will not be credited. Goodbye.”

(The manager hangs up on the customer without another word, and turns to me.)

Manager: “Go on break.”

(The customer called in twenty more times before she finally cancelled her services due to discrimination claims, stating that my manager and I threatened to come to her store and beat her up if she didn’t pay. The charges were overturned after the call was reviewed.)

They’re Having A Ball(s)

| Denver, CO, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I am sitting next to my mom while she makes a call on speakerphone to her ISP. I witness the conversation.)

Representative: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “Hi, I need some testicle support.”

Representative: “… I’m sorry?”

Mom: “Testicle support! It doesn’t work right.”

Representative: “Umm… do you mean ‘technical support?'”

Mom: “Yes! What did I say?”

Representative: “Uh, not anything I can repeat.”

(I am struggling to hold my laughter in as I whisper the word to my mom.)

Mom: “Oh! Oh my… I can’t believe I said that! You don’t think I’m a weirdo, do you?”

Representative: *chuckling* “Don’t worry about it. That was the funniest thing I’ve heard all night.”

(From that point on, they make a point of saying the word ‘technical’ whenever possible during the conversation, and all three of us giggle like gossiping schoolgirls when anyone says it. My mom gets to the end of the call…)

Representative: “Thanks for calling [Company] TECHNICAL support.”

Mom: “Thanks for being such a great TESTICLE service rep. The next time I have a TESTICLE issue, I would be thrilled to talk to you again. For now, I’ll leave you to take care of another customer’s TESTICLE issues. Thanks again!”

(As we hang up, the last thing we hear is raucous laughter. We apparently made the night of more than one rep that little bit better. Thanks, Mom, for being such a loony!)

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