Has The Drive To Cheat And Lie

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Love/Romance

(I work in a car insurance call center.)

Customer: “Oh, the policy isn’t in my name.”

Me: “May I speak to the policy holder to get permission to speak to you and add you to the policy?”

Customer: “No, she’s not speaking to me.”

Me: “Okay, well that just means I am unable to give you any information or make any changes for you at this point of time.”

Customer: “But it’s my car! She just took me off all the policies after I cheated on her.”

(I have no idea what to say.)

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just call back and pretend I’m her.” *click*

The Code Has Three ‘X’s In It

, | USA | Rude & Risque

(I’ve been on the phone for a good ten minutes at this point with a woman in her late 80s who has a strong Southern accent. She has been extremely prim and proper for the entire call.)

Me: “And do you have the offer code?”

Caller: “Offer code? What’s that, dear?”

Me: “It should be printed on the order form near where your name is located.”

Caller: “One moment. Oh, I found it!”

Me: *waits*

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Ma’am, may I have the code please?”

Caller: “Oh, of course, sweetie. It’s F as in ‘f***.’ D as in ‘d***.’ A as in ‘a**.'”

(The caller pauses before continuing, suddenly sounding very smug.)

Caller: “All of which I enjoy a great deal when it comes to my men.”

(I still have no idea how I managed to hold in my laughter until after I finished placing her order.)

Rent Is More Important

, | New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

Me: “Good afternoon, ticket central.”

Customer: “Your website is the worst.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want help.”

Me: “Clearly. Would you like me to help you purchase tickets to a specific show?”

Customer: “Yes. I guess.”

Me: “What play?”

Customer:Belleville.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. The entire run of Belleville is sold-out.”

Customer: “No it isn’t.”

Me: “Yes. It is.”

Customer: “Says who?”

Me: “Says me.”

Customer: “I WANT THOSE TICKETS! I WANT THEM NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do. The play is sold-out, and I would suggest that you calm down as tickets to an off-Broadway play aren’t nearly as important as things like a roof over one’s head or food on one’s table.”

Customer: “MAYBE FOR YOU!” *click*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; how may I help today?”

Caller: “YOU PEOPLE SHUT MY CARD OFF!”

Me: “I can see that would be extremely frustrating. Can I have your account information so we can correct this?”

(The caller gives me the information, and I see she hasn’t made a payment in four months.)

Caller: “Turn it back on right now!”

Me: “I would be happy to once you make a payment to get your account up to date.”

Caller: “I have to pay?!”

Me: “Well you haven’t made any payments in four months; may I ask why? Is there something that been preventing you from paying?”

Caller: “Yeah, something really important.”

Me: “May I ask what it was?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was saving up for my vacation to Cancun. That is why I need the card back on. RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Just so I have this straight: you didn’t pay your credit card because you wanted to save up for your vacation, and now you want us to let you use your card.”

Caller: “Yeah, what’s so hard about that?”

Me: “Sorry, we wont be able to do that for you without having a payment.”

Caller: “What! I am so canceling my card when I get home!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

Nothing You Can Say In Reply

| Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Caller: “Yes, I sent this request in to update the new rates weeks ago, and I still haven’t seen anything done about it!”

Me: “Okay, how did you submit that information to us?”

Caller: “I replied to the email from you people asking for the information of course!”

Me: “You replied? Ma’am, we send emails from an unattended inbox called ‘Do Not Reply.’ Did you reply to donotreply@****.com?”

Caller: “Yeah, I suppose that was the email address. Why?”

Me: “Well, first off, it’s from ‘Do Not Reply,’ and in the email it reiterates that this is an unattended inbox. It directs you to several other means of submitting that information with big bold letters that say ‘DO NOT REPLY.'”

Caller: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!”

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