O, Canaduh, Part 5

| Manchester, England, UK | Right | July 21, 2015

Me: “Good Afternoon, you’re speaking to [My Name]. Can I take your reference number, please?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling from Toronto.”

Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve seen [alarm product that we don’t stock] being advertised and I want to know if you could sell me one?”

Me: “I can look into it for you. Are you looking to install this into a property in the UK?”

Customer: “No, of course not! I told you I’m in Toronto. Why ever would you think that?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you have called a company based in the UK, so the systems we sell are set to UK settings.”

Customer: “Well, I know that.”

Me: “So, then you’d be aware that even if we did sell you a system, it wouldn’t work in your property?”

Customer: “Of course it would! We’re a part of the British Commonwealth!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it definitely wouldn’t work, as it needs connection to a power outlet, and the outlets in Canada are different to the ones here in Britain. Also, even if we were to look into selling you a system, regulations state we need to get a trained engineer to install it for you, and none of our engineers would be able travel to Canada from the UK to install it.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “I’d recommend contacting a supplier in Toronto.”

Customer: “You’ve just lost thousands of dollars!” *slams phone down*

O, Canaduh, Part 4
O, Canaduh, Part 3
O, Canaduh, Part 2

Should Have Said Zip About The Zip

, | USA | Working | July 16, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Major Satellite TV Provider]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and the zip code on your account, please.”

Caller: *provides those things*

(I type them into the computer and wait for the result. The customer is chatting away while we wait and mentions that they’ve recently moved. I tell them:)

Me: “You’d not believe how many people give us their new zip code when they’ve not updated it in our files yet, as if our records spontaneously update when someone moves.” *chuckle* “My search comes up with zero results for the last name and zip code you’ve given me… and you’ve given me your new zip code and not the one that I have on file, haven’t you?…”

(They at least had the grace to sound apologetic.)

Fifty Shades Of Dorian Grey

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Working | July 15, 2015

(During a quiet moment, a coworker mentions that he is getting a Kindle and is getting some recommendations for books. We suggest checking out Amazon’s free book section where you can download classic books and novels for nothing. My suggestions eventually reached ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ by Oscar Wilde.)

Coworker: “Wasn’t there a film adaptation recently?”

Me: *checking on IMDb as I thought the only one was the 1945 one* “Yes, you’re right. There’s one from 2009 starring Colin Firth.”

Second Coworker: *overhearing* “What? Back then they made a ’50 Shades’ film?”

Me: “Dorian Gray. This is actual literature.”

Not Ready For The Digit-al Age

| UK | Right | July 15, 2015

(Our customer references are eight digits long, which we need to find the customers on our system.)

Customer: “My reference is-” *gives six digits*

(I wait a couple of seconds.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I think the line may have cut out as that reference is a bit too short.”

Customer: “Do you really need me to read out the whole thing?”

Why Does This Have To Be So Card?

| The Netherlands | Working | July 14, 2015

(In The Netherlands, public transportation companies try to reduce cash transactions and paper tickets as much as possible by introducing a (rechargeable) card with cash on it, good for bus/train fare. That did not go smoothly. A couple of years later my father, a senior citizen, moves to a new place. I help out, and so also with the rechargeable bit. For that, I need online access. The following conversation spans about three months:)

Me: “I cannot sign up my father. He has never been online before and moved months ago.”

Customer Service Rep: “Wait a couple of days; maybe you made a mistake. Let the system reset.”

(Days later:)

Me: “I still can’t sign him up, and I am getting a strange error on the site.”

Customer Service Rep: “There is a bug in the system and we are working on it. Can you please wait a couple of days?”

(Days later:)

Me: “I still can’t sign him up and I am still getting a strange error on the site.”

Customer Service Rep: “I see this card still is registered to the old address. Please use that. The card on the new address is expired.”

Me: “I also can’t sign him up using the old address.”

Customer Service Rep: “Very strange. I’ll have it looked at.”

(Days later:)

Me: “What’s the progress?”

Customer Service Rep: “On what?”

Me: *explains*

Customer Service Rep: *gives call center standard explanation on website use*

Me: “Is there no way somebody there can try this card number?”

Customer Service Rep: “We will call you back.”

(Days later, after never being called:)

Me: “What’s the status?”

Customer Service Rep: “On what?”

Me: *explains again*

Customer Service Rep: “I have no records of such issue.”

Me: “Can you restart the investigation, please?”

Customer Service Rep: “No. For privacy reasons your father must be the on setting it up.”

(Losing it, I hang up. Although along the way being tempted to “lose” dad’s card I always keep thinking someone will eventually get this simple issue and will fix it, if I only can get through to second line support behind this “wall.”. Months later, he really loses the card. Not wanting to call myself after I lost my cool, he calls for the replacement himself.)

Dad: *explains*

Customer Service Rep: “Mister who? We have no record of him owning a card.”

(I have no idea how they are running this organization…)

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