It’s Always Best To Check

| Central Valley, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I have spoken to this caller about two weeks ago. She calls again and I pull up her account.)

Caller: “I called a couple of weeks ago and was told to expect a check for $1000.”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct, I remember authorizing the check myself, let me review the file. I spoke to you on the 9th, and the check went out on the 10th.”

Caller: “Today is the 22nd, and I haven’t received it yet.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, let’s double-check your address. We send the check to [address].”

Caller: “Yes, that is correct.”

Me: “Okay, let’s make sure that we have everything spelled correctly.”

(We double-check that her name and address are spelled correctly.)

Me: “Ma’am, have you been having any difficulties with receiving your mail? Have you gotten the mail from anybody else?”

Caller: “I don’t know, I haven’t checked the mail all week!”

Me: “Then maybe you should check your mail?”

Caller: “As in right now?”

Me: “Yes, I can hold while you check.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(Caller puts the phone down, and she comes back on the line in about a minute.)

Caller: “I got the check!”

Issues Of Trust To Leave You Bust

| USA | Bizarre

(As a supervisor for a major cell phone company, I am often the last rung on the ladder people get when angry and demanding assistance above the person they are speaking with. My employee who handles angry customers first calls me, somewhat frustrated, stating the customer has been very demanding and uncooperative. I take over.)

Customer: “I don’t know why this is so f***ing hard. I just need my info about my plan. Aren’t you people smarter than this?”

Me: “I am certainly happy to assist with your plan info. I just need your phone number to look up your account.”

Customer: “That’s what I mean. I can’t give you that. How do I know you are who you say you are? You could be any bum off the street.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m a little confused, though. I mean, you called us. You dialed the number for [company name]. Why would you think I didn’t work for [company name]?”

Customer: “Man, they have computers that can read your mind and steal your ATM numbers. This is crap. Just tell me what plan I have.”

Me: “Have you tried checking that info through the phone itself? It gives you a complete breakdown of all the—”

Customer: “Are you listening to me? I don’t trust anything I see on the internet. It’s all lies and unicorns.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Just tell me what plan you have me set up on. I don’t have time for this.”

Me: “I need your device ID or—”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

Me: “We have millions of customers. You didn’t call from the phone, or the info would have come up. You could be any of [company name]’s customers. I really want to help you.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not one of [company name]’s customers.”

Me: “Beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I don’t trust you guys. I’m with… someone else.”

Me: “You have service with another company?”

Customer: “Right?”

Me: “Which company?”

Customer: “See? What are you? Stupid? I’m not telling you s***!”

Me: “So, you don’t have service with [company name]? At all?”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “And… uh… you called us to help you with info about your account with one of our competitors?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t possibly help you with that. I can only help with our own customers. I don’t have access to-”

Customer: “I don’t trust those a**holes. You aren’t going to help me either.”

Me: “I mean, sorry, but I’m not able to. I want to help you, but you haven’t really put me in a position to-”

Customer: “I knew it! F*** you! You all suck!” *hangs up*

Me: *speechless*

Man Up And Let A Woman Fix It, Part 2

| FL, USA | Bigotry

(I am tech support for a major manufacturer, in one of the higher tier, specialized queues for technical issues. We do hardware and software support. I am also one of the very few females in the division.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [manufacturer], special tier support. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “F***ing b******t, another f***ing call director! Look, honey, I need special tier support.” *he puts emphasis on this, as though I am stupid*

Me: “Yes, sir, you have reached that support. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “Ugh, fine, I’ll tell you, you won’t know how to fix this, and then I’ll get stuck on hold or transferred again.”

(He proceeds to outline a very basic problem, involving a quick reset of his memory to solve the issue, and have him back up and running on the spot without further incident.)

Me: “Well, I am very glad to have gotten you up and running again, especially without any delays! So, is there anything else with which I can assist you today?”

Customer: “No, and you didn’t assist me, you got some real tech, some guy standing behind you, telling you what to do, I just know it. Just let me talk to them so I can tell them what a great job they did.”

(All this is said loudly enough that, though I am on a headset, my supervisor, who sits about 10 feet from me, hears it. They have wandered over, asking to talk to the customer.)

Me: “Well, sir. I didn’t have anyone helping me, but if you wish, I can hand you over to my supervisor for your feedback.”

(The customer agrees, and I hand him over to my supervisor, who greets him, then listens in shock as the customer loudly and repeatedly berates both me and him. He calls us both liars when told I helped him unassisted, and starts cursing and using obscenities enough to finally ruffle me. A break finally comes in this long enough for my supervisor to get in his own input…)

Supervisor: “Well, sir. Now that you have that all out of your system, I do feel the need to tell you this; not only did she help you unassisted, and I can assure you of that, as can every other tech here, I frequently go to her, and refer other employees to her, as she is one of the most knowledgeable techs we have, as well as one of the best with people.”

Customer: “Okay, whatever! I know you guys are going to just keep lying to me anyway. We all know girls can’t do anything but cook and whatever!” *hangs up*

(Thankfully, I got an extra 15-minute break that day because of that call and keeping my cool despite the verbal abuse throughout!)

Related:
Man Up And Let A Woman Fix It

Up And Down Is Not Right

| Thornton, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I do tech support for a satellite TV company. Often, troubleshooting requires that we walk customers through various menus to reset or fix certain settings. All of these are navigated by the remote, and the agents would walk the customer through each and every screen with detailed directions. I have been on the phone with a caller for an hour and a half.)

Me: “…and so, sir, I need you to push the left arrow on your remote until the dial all the way on the left of your screen is highlighted.”

Caller: “It’s not working.”

Me: “Well, that’s strange. Let’s back out one step and try it again. Go ahead and select the third option on the list. Now, once you’re in this next screen, press the left arrow button four times.”

(This continues for some time, with the customer telling me various and strange results that he should not have gotten following the directions.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Now, select the third option. Push the left arrow button once. What do you see highlighted in yellow?”

Caller: “It says ‘satellite feed’.”

Me: “That’s the button above the default. Sir, which button are you pushing? We need to go to the left of the screen.”

Caller: “Wait, did you mean left as in ‘left and right’, or left as in ‘up and down’?”

Me: *pause* “Left as in ‘left and right’, sir.”

Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 7

| KY, USA | Technology

(I am taking tech support calls for a satellite TV company.)

Me: “Thank you, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My remote isn’t working.”

Me: “I apologize for that trouble, but I am happy to help. Lets reprogram the remote, okay?”

Customer: “Okay, how do I do that?”

Me: *I proceed to explain the steps to program the remote* “Now, use the number buttons on the remote to put in the code 02258.”

(The next thing I hear are loud tones coming from the buttons on the phone in my ear. I can hear the customer is not talking into the phone, which leads me to believe he is talking into the remote.)

Customer: “Okay, I did that.”

(He asks if I am there a few times, before realizing he isn’t talking into the phone.)

Customer: *into the phone this time* “Okay, I did that.”

Me: “Thank you, sir. That was good practice. Now let’s do that again, but this time with the remote control…”

Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 6
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 5
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3