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An All-Consuming Customer

| NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular

(I work in the contact center for a window decor company. In my department, I only take calls from the retail associates at the big box home improvement stores that sell our blinds and shades. But every so often, a consumer (that being the person who actually buys the blinds and takes them home) sneaks into our queue, even though they have a separate line. We can answer general product questions for consumers, but per policy, anything more involved than that gets transferred to Consumer Services.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]; what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’m trying to find my purchase order number.”

Me: *thinking I’m speaking to a retail associate* “Okay, take your time! And who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

Customer: “No, I need you to give me the PO number.”

Me: “Well, do you have a sales order number? I can find it with that.”

Customer: “I don’t have anything!”

Me: “That’s okay. I can wait here while you flag your manager down if you need to get your paperwork together. And I’m so sorry; I didn’t catch your name—“

Customer: “Manager?! What the h*** are you talking about? I’m at home!”

Me: *slowly realizing* “Are you calling about some blinds that you bought, ma’am?”

Customer: “YES. And I called earlier and you said I needed a PO, and I don’t have one!”

Me: “That’s no problem, ma’am. We should be able to see it on the label. Do you have the blinds down where you can look at the sticker inside the top rail?”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: *repeats myself*

Customer: “I don’t have the blinds yet! That’s why I called you! I want to pay for them!”

Me: “I see. And what’s your name, ma’am?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer]! I ALREADY TOLD YOU! ARE YOU STUPID?!”

Me: *smiling like a maniac* “Okay, [Customer], what I’m going to do is transfer you to our Consumer Services department. They’ll be happy to help you access your account and pay for your order.”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: “YOU DO NOT TRANSFER ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! I’VE ALREADY BEEN TRANSFERRED TO YOUR CONSUMER SERVICES DEPARTMENT THREE TIMES AND I DON’T WANT TO WAIT ON HOLD! I WANT TO PAY FOR MY ORDER NOW!”

Me: “I understand, [Customer], and I’m very sorry that you’ve had to wait, but the call volume over there is low and it won’t be a long wait. I’d do this for you myself, but this department only deals with contractors and retailers. Again, I do apologize for your trouble today. But if you’ll just bear with me—“

Customer: *abruptly hangs up*

Me: “—oooor you could just hang up. That’s fine with me, too.”

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Miss Universe Hotline

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre

(I’m wrapping up a sales call with a customer, and I ask the usual question:)

Me: “Is there anything else I could get for you today?”

Customer: “A better world…”

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Are You Talking About?

, | Birmingham, England, UK | Language & Words

(A user wanted a simple password change on their account.)

Me: “Right, I have changed your password to the word ‘RED.’”

User: “Red?”

Me: “Yes. Romeo. Echo. Delta.”

User: “Hang on, I get to the ‘h’ in Echo and it won’t let me enter any more characters.”

Me: “I am using the phonetic alphabet to spell out red to you.”

User: “So what do I put now?”

Me: “Just put the colour red.”

User: ‘The colour red’ doesn’t work.”

Me: “Just type the word red. R-E-D.”

User: “I’m in now. You should have just said that instead of Echo Delta Colours! Thanks!”