It’s All In The Delivery

| Seattle, WA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work for the call center in a high end department store. Our protocol for when customers claim to not have received a package that their tracking shows as delivered is to replace it unless the customer has history on their profile less than six months ago, in which case further research must be conducted.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t get my package.”

Me: “All right, let me pull up the order.”

(I pull it up and check the tracking that shows it having been delivered.)

Me: “Yes, I see that it shows delivered on [date], but you never received it?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “All right, let me take a look. I’m going to put you on a brief hold.”

(While she’s on hold I check her profile. There’s a similar incident on her profile four days ago. And two weeks ago. And a month ago. This is usually indicative of a potential fraud.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. It looks like you’ve been having quite a few delivery issues!”

Customer: “Um… yeah.”

Me: “Well, we definitely want to figure out what’s going on so I’m going to pass this along to our delivery research team so we can fix the problem.”

Customer: “Um, no, that won’t be necessary.”

Me: “Oh, no, we insist.”

Customer: *click*


Surveyed The Bar Before The Call

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Food & Drink

(Just another day in a survey company, when I encounter the following:)

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name] calling for [Office] on behalf of [Insurance Company]. Have you called [Insurance Company] recently?”

(The customer answers, in a very slow, and obviously intoxicated manner.)

Customer: “Ermm, no… I don’t remember… I’m too drunk…”

(Since I’m just gathering opinions, I tend to be lenient on people and just accept this as a valid reason to not participate in a survey.)

Me: “Umm… okay? That’s a good reason. Well… Thank you for your help, though. I hope you have a good rest of the night!”


Confusion Brewing

, | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work in a food delivery call center as a team leader on evening shift when one of the agents on my team comes to tell me he has a lady on the line who would like to “submit a comment.” I ask him to send her to me so I can talk with her.)

Me: “Good evening, madam. My name is [My Name]. How could I be of service tonight?”

Caller: “Good evening, sir. I would like to submit a comment, but it’s not a complaint, though.”

Me: “Oh, no problem, you can go on. I will note it down and send it to our HQ without any problem.”

Caller: “I received a little tea bag with every order I made with you. I find the attention very sweet, however every time I infused it after eating, the taste is a little weird. Maybe you should verify your expiry date.”

(I know that the restaurant hasn’t been selling tea for years, so I ask the lady for more detail.)

Caller: “Well you know it’s in a square-shaped little bag and it seems to be your house brand because it has your emblem on it.”

(That’s when I realised she had been drinking infused wet napkins.)


The Last Thing You Want In A Bank Is An Alarm

| UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work in the customer service sector of a call centre for a well-known bank in the UK. I am working a later shift and it’s almost nine pm when an elderly gentleman calls.)

Customer: “Hi there, I’d like to order an alarm call.”

Me: “An alarm call… What exactly do you mean by that, sir?”

Customer: “You know, an alarm call! Like, you call me at a certain time?”

Me: “All right… is the call to discuss anything in particular to do with your bank account? Are you looking to make an appointment within a branch today?”

Customer: *getting frustrated* “NO, I just want you to call me at nine o’clock tomorrow morning to wake me up!”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a service we offer. Are you aware you’ve phoned the bank?”

Customer: “Yes! And it is a service you USED to offer. Why don’t you do it anymore?”

Me: “I can assure you that we have never ever offered an ‘alarm call’ service.”

Customer: “You’re bloody useless; I’ll try my other bank.”


Satellite Plight

| USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Transportation

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I need you to realign my satellite.”

Me: “Well, sir, I can have a tech—”

Customer: “Are you f****** deaf?! I said I want you to realign my satellite!”

Me: “In order to do that, sir, I would need to get a tech out there, as your satellite dish is screwed onto your roof.”

Customer: “Don’t insult my f****** intelligence. I know you have a button over there to f****** realign it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have that.”

Customer: “You guys cut off my satellite because my landlords are getting divorced! You f****** purposely messed it up because of there stupid f****** divorce; I know it! That’s why it says searching for satellite on my screen!”

Me: “Sir, please stop yelling at me. I—” *customer hangs up*

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