Who You Gonna Call?

, , , | Right | July 12, 2018

Customer: “I am not a customer of yours, but I was wondering if you could help me? I have a system from [Competitor] that I have so many issues with. For example…”

(The customer starts reeling off various hardware connection issues.)

Customer: “I heard that you can send engineers onsite to sort these things out, and I would be willing to pay you, as it isn’t your equipment”

Me: “I am sorry, but we only specialise in our own hardware and software, and our engineers wouldn’t be qualified to start fixing [Competitor]’s hardware.”

Customer: “What am I supposed to do, then? I have a business to run and need this hardware working.”

Me: “Have you tried calling [Competitor] and seeing if they can send an engineer out?”

Customer: “No. I probably should have tried them first. Thanks, anyway, though.”

A Whole Generation Of Debt

, , , , | Learning | July 12, 2018

(I used to work for a federal student loan company. One would think students and parents of students would understand what they were getting into… but that’s not always the case.)

Customer: “What do you mean, I have to pay these? I took them out for my kid to go to school! They should have to pay them back!”

Me: “I understand where you are coming from, but when you agreed to take out the loan, it went into your name and details, not the benefiting student’s name and details. If they choose not to pay it, then it will ultimately fall back on you as the one who took out the loan.”

Customer: *has a ten-year repayment plan and is only two months into it* “I’ve paid on this forever. I don’t want to pay anymore. How can I get it forgiven?”

Out Of Line On The Line

, , , , , | Right | July 12, 2018

(I work at a call center with a major cell phone carrier.)

Me: “Good afternoon. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you like sex?”

Me: *pregnant pause*

Caller: “Hello? Hello are you there? I ask you a question. Do you like sex?”

(I flag down a manager, as we’re not allowed to hang up until we notify a supervisor our “customer” is being abusive. Meanwhile, my mouth is going on to fill the space because every call is recorded, and they watch the audio readouts for gaps of silence.)

Me: “Sir, I will only ask you once not to talk to me that way.”

Low-Level Supervisor: *overhearing, looks at me in shock, and frantically runs to get an actual manager*

Caller: “I only ask you a simple question. Hello? Hello? Did you hear me? I just want to know if you like the sex.” *continues in the same vein, much more explicitly, with an eerily innocent tone*

Manager: “[My Name], is he being nasty?”

Me: *while muting myself on the phone* “Yes. Yes, he is. May I please hang up?”

Manager: “Yes! Yes! I thought you did already!”

Me: “Thank you! No one said I could yet.”

Caller: “Hello, are you still there? Do you want to sex with—”

Me: *hangs up*

Some Calls Need A Screening Process

, , , , | Right | July 11, 2018

(I work in a call centre supporting IT. We have a remote tool which allows us to view the customer’s screens.)

Me: “Good morning, and thank you for calling [Call Centre]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve been opening my emails, and they show the box on the taskbar, showing they are open, but they’re not showing on my screen! It’s useless! I’ve tried everything including rebooting…”

(The customer goes on like this for a few minutes, saying how his computer never works and the system is rubbish, etc.)

Me: “Can I just take your Personal Identification Number, please?”

(I confirm a few basic details, including computer details, so I can remote over to his screen.)

Me: “Brilliant. I’ll remote across now; just make sure everything private is closed.”

(The customer approves my remote connection. I can see two screens; one has his emails open on them, and I can see them fine.)

Me: “[Customer], do you have two screens?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Could you ensure your second screen is turned on, please?”

(A moment’s silence passes.)

Customer: “Oh, b*****ks!” *click*

Refunder Blunder, Part 38

, , , , , | Right | July 11, 2018

(I work in a call center for an online, high-end store. Mostly, I help customers with their online orders and returns. We work with another company that provides 50% discounts to their members for use on our website. The following call takes place with a customer who used the 50% discount towards a product but then returned it, so he was refunded for the discounted amount that he paid.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the status of my refund.”

Me: “I would be happy to check on that for you. Can you please provide me with the order number from which items were returned?”

(The customer gives me his information, I pull up his order and see that the refund was already processed, so I begin to give him the information.)

Me: “Okay, sir, looks like your refund was processed on November 14—” *which is about five months ago from the time of call* “—in the amount of $100.00. Would you like the confirmation number for your records?”

Customer: “Why is it only $100? The product I purchased cost $200!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but you used a 50% discount, so you only paid $100.”

Customer: “No, I want the full amount back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we cannot refund you more money than what you actually paid.”

(The customer’s wife takes the phone from the customer and begins yelling at me.)

Customers Wife: “That’s not fair! We deserve the full amount!”

Me: “Ma’am, while it is true that the item was originally listed for $200, you used a discount and only paid $100 for the product. We’ve refunded you the full amount that you paid. We cannot give you back more than what you paid for the product.”

(The husband then takes the phone back.)

Customer: “Shut up!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You keep repeating the same stupid thing over and over again. Just give us back our money!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how much clearer I can make this. We have already refunded you all of the money you paid to us in November. We cannot give you more money than what you paid. There is nothing more I can do for you regarding this matter.”

Customer: “I don’t accept that!”

(This goes back and forth for literally another twenty minutes, with me explaining what I think is common sense in every different way that I can, while the customer and his wife continually interrupt me.)

Customer’s Wife: “Well, that’s just not fair! Your refund policy states I have 90 days to return the item! It says so right here on my receipt!!”

Me: “Yes? And you did return the item. And then we refunded you in full. But that doesn’t change the fact that we can’t just give you an extra $100 for nothing, when you only paid $100 to begin with and we already refunded you that amount. We can’t give you more money than you initially gave to us.”

Customer: “Fine. If you can’t help me, then I want your manager! And I’ll never order from you again!

Me: “…” *transfers customer and then immediately puts myself in break status to go physically hide from the stupidity*

Refunder Blunder, Part 37
Refunder Blunder, Part 36
Refunder Blunder, Part 35

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