Put Those Letters Together To Make Bad Words

, , | Right | February 9, 2019

(I work for a cell phone provider. After giving the standard greeting, I hear:)

Customer: *ear-piercing scream* “For the 100,000th time… STOP. SENDING. ME. GOD. D***. F******. LETTERS!” *click*

(I never got to say two words to him past my greeting. Nor did I even get so much as his name. I suppose he is still getting those letters.)

Man, Eff Numbers!

, , , | Right | February 9, 2019

(I ask customers to read their codes for me so I can verify their information. They can get pretty creative when it comes to the phonetic alphabet — B for Big Bang, etc. Here’s one that stood out to me:)

Customer: “R for ‘reference,’ F for… I dunno, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.”

Committing Fraud To The Letter

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2019

(I am working in the collections department for an energy supplier when I get a call from a woman regarding a letter she says she received. She says she has a question about it. She gives me a reference number and I pull up the account.)

Me: “I’ve got the account up. May I ask your name?

(The customer gives me her name, and it is the same as on the account. I then ask her to confirm address and DOB, both of which match what is on the account.)

Me: “Thank you for confirming those details. What was your query?”

Caller: “Yes, what is this letter all about?”

Me: “There is a balance on the account. It needs to be paid. You owe [amount].”

Caller: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “I’m not seeing any payments since [date].”

Caller: “No, you don’t understand. This isn’t my account.”

Me: “Your name is on the account and you confirmed the address.”

Caller: “No, no. This letter isn’t for me. This is my friend’s account. My name is [Different Name].”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, I can no longer discuss the account with you without the customer’s permission. Is the customer there?”

Caller: “You just broke the data protection law. You disclosed my friend’s details.”

Me: “Actually, madam, you committed fraud.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t. I never said I was the customer. You broke the law; now you’re going to lose your job. I’m going to report you.”

Me: “Actually, madam, when I asked what your name was, you told me it was [Customer]. When I asked what your address was, you said it was [Customer’s address], and when I asked you to confirm your date of birth, you told me it was [Customer’s DOB]. You pretended to be your friend, which is fraud.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t. If you heard that, that’s your fault. I’m going to report you!”

Me: “You are welcome to report this to the data commissioner. I’ll get you the details, if you like. We are obligated to report this incident, as well, and will send the recording of this call to prove what was said.”

Caller: “How dare you say that to me?! Get me your manager!”

(I got my manager, who took over the call. My manager promised to listen to the call and arranged to call the woman back once she had done so. Later that day, my manager came and spoke to me. She listened to the call and confirmed that the customer definitely committed fraud — she clearly said her name, address, and DOB were the customer’s. My manager gave me an anti-fraud form to fill in so it could be passed onto the police. During the call, the woman gave me her full name, and she gave my manager several phone numbers when they arranged the call back, one of which was a work number. My manager also got the woman’s address because the customer wanted me to write her a formal apology for accusing her of committing fraud. All these details went on the form we sent to the police.)

Envelopes Are Scary

, , | Right | February 7, 2019

(I work in a call center for a bank. I get asked so many stupid, asinine questions. This old guy calls in about a letter he received.)

Customer: “Yeah, you people sent me an envelope and I don’t know what for.”

Me: “Um, do you mean like a piece of mail?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, I guess.”

Me: “Okay, and what does it say?”

Customer: “I didn’t open it; I don’t know.”

Me: “Is it addressed to your name?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s a white envelope. It has the weird edges.” *talking about the envelopes with ridges that fold down to tear open*

Me: “Okay, well, I’m not sure, but you could probably just open it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, I’ll do that next time. I threw it out.”

(He didn’t even still have the d*** thing. I can’t even.)

Our Car Is Miles Better Than Yours

, , , | Right | February 5, 2019

(I work at a call center making hotel reservations. Many calls are just full of stupid questions, but I will never forget this call.)

Me: “Welcome to [Hotel Property]! My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Caller: “Hi! I already have a reservation. I’m just calling to ask how far [Popular Theme Park] is from the hotel.”

Me: “I can help you with that! [Popular Theme Park] is about ten miles away. We do offer complimentary shuttle service to and from the park, as well.”

Caller: “Thank you, but we’re driving our own car. Do you know how far away it’ll be if I drive there myself?”

Me: *thinking she misspoke* “How long it’ll take? It’s about a fifteen to twenty-minute drive.”

Caller: “No, honey, how far will it be for me?”

Me: “Ten miles…”

(She cheerfully thanked me again, and got off the phone as if she hadn’t just asked me such a silly question.)

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