When Your Inappropriate Comments Hit The Roof(ie)

, , , , , | Working | November 23, 2017

(I work with a coworker that is known for saying inappropriate things to clients. She has to sit in a corner desk facing the wall because of her loud and obnoxious comments. I sit very close to her and one call stands out in particular. She is completing a medical financial assistance application over the phone with a pregnant client.)

Coworker: “And how many babies are you expecting?”

Client: “I’m three months alon— Oh! I’m sorry, just one. Having some trouble with baby-brain.”

Coworker: *loudly* “Oh, I remember those days! Being pregnant is just like being roofied!”

(Queue everyone within a five-desk radius prairie-dogging up from their desks for confirmation that this was actually just said!)

Because All Arabs Are Terrorists, Apparently

, , , , , , | Working | November 21, 2017

(I work overnight at a call center that is locked a few hours before my shift starts. We aren’t given keys, so we have to knock and wait for a coworker to open the door. This particular night it gets cold rather suddenly, and I wrap my scarf around my head because I haven’t brought my hat with me, but my face is clearly visible. I knock on the door and one of my coworkers comes around the corner. Her eyes go wide and she runs away as if terrified. I’m perplexed by this, and I knock again and get no response. I get my phone out and call the office number.)

Coworker: “Hello, th-thank you for calling [Company]. How can I h-help you?”

Me: “[Coworker], I’m waiting at the door. Could you come unlock it? I’m extremely cold.”

Coworker: “Oh, my God. That was you?

Me: “Of course it’s me. Who did you think?”

Coworker: “You look like a terrorist! Don’t scare me like that! Why do you have that terrible thing on your head?”

Me: “Are you serious? It’s cold. I’m wearing a scarf. You think a scarf makes someone a terrorist?”

Coworker: “Yes! You look like one of those Arabs!”

Me: *counting silently to ten* “[Coworker], even if I had darker skin and wore a proper hijab, I wouldn’t be a terrorist. But how you saw my pasty white face and plaid fleece scarf as Arabic is beyond me. Now open the d*** door.”

Going From A Virgin To A Bloody Mary

, , , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(As a part-time job, during school, I work in a call centre in Montreal, Canada. We offer medical appointment software and managing for medical clinics. Most of our clients are doctors or medical clinic workers. Because of the name of the company, people mistakenly call us thinking we offer medical advice on the phone. The government has something called INFO-HEALTH who does that.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I think I f***** up.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead; I am listening.”

Caller: “Okay, and believe me, this is not a joke.” *I actually hear someone groaning in pain behind him and have a feeling this is NOT a joke* “My name is [Caller]. I’m 16 years old. My girlfriend and I just tried having sex for the first time, and I think I went too hard on her. Her hip seems to be broken; she can’t move. What can I do?”

Me: “I would recommend that you call 911 right away and have EMTs bring her to the hospital.”

Caller: “Okay, but isn’t there something you think I can give her to ease the pain?”

Me: “I am really sorry, but since I am not a trained medical technician, there is no medical advice I can give you. What we do here is offer medical software managing for clinics. I believe you mistook us for INFO-HEALTH.”

Caller: “Didn’t I just call INFO-HEALTH?”

Me: “No, sir, you’ve reached [Company]. If you want to reach INFO-HEALTH to get some info, the number is [number].”

Caller: “Okay, but in the meantime, have you ever experienced something like this? What would you do?”

Me: “Again, there is no medical advice that I can give you, but honestly, I would personally recommend that next time, you go a little gentler on your girlfriend. And again, right now I strongly advise that you hang up and call 911 right away; your girlfriend really seems to be in pain.”

Caller: “You really can’t do anything?”

Me: “Yes, I can tell you again to call 911!”

Caller: “You’re a f****** useless piece of junk. Never mind! I’ll call 911.” *click*

(After exploding in laughter, I submitted this to our “Funniest Calls” list, which we play every year during our Christmas get-together, and I won the contest by a landslide.)

Kept That Stone Rolling All Night

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work in a wake-up call company. We provide wake-up calls for hotels, and for independent people who schedule wake-up calls to make sure they can catch their planes, etc. We also provide these kinds of calls to old people to remind them to take their pills, or for their varying appointments, etc. I work night shifts, and I am alone in the call center when the phone rings.)

Me: “Wake-up call service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “That was a good show, dude!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “The show was awesome, man! I loved it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re calling a wake-up call company; I think you might have the wrong number.”

Caller: “No, dude, Mick gave us the number to call him!”

(At this point, I’m starting to realize this guy is coming back from a Rolling Stones concert in the same state where I live, and is high as f***. Since I don’t have any calls to make for another 20 minutes, I decide to play along with it.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’d be happy to help you, but I need to know who you want to speak to.”

Caller: “Is this Mick Jagger? Dude, you’re so cool, man! Hey, where are you? We left the show like five minutes ago.”

Me: “You wish to speak with Mick Jagger? Just hold on for a second; I’ll patch him through.”

(I put him on hold, go on [Video Website] to look at a Mick Jagger interview for two minutes, and come back with my not-so-good Mick Jagger voice.)

Me: “Hello, who is this?”

Caller: “Mick? Holy s***! I’m on the phone with Mick Jagger. Dude, the show was soooo awesome! I’m your biggest fan! Mick, tell me when your next show is; I’ll follow you!”

Me: “Okay, son, what is your name?”

Caller: “I’m [Caller]!”

Me: “Okay, [Caller], leave me a phone number and I’ll make sure to call to tell you when my next show is. Now, I have to go back to sleep; I’m tired.”

Caller: “Yeah, cool, okay! My phone number is [number].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make sure to call you tomorrow and give you my next show date!”

Caller: “Thanks, man. You’re the f***** best!” *click*

(The guy called about six hours later, completely sober, and told me he saw our number on his phone and was wondering why he called our company. I explained everything, and he laughed his ass off and apologized. I realized he lived about 45 minutes away from me and we decided to meet, and we became friends for about a year before I shipped off to college.)

Not So Super(Visor)

, , , , | Working | November 18, 2017

(I have just started a new job. My job title is technically “Customer Manager,” but it is a minimum-wage, entry-level position. I have no actual authority to do anything but fulfill simple requests for customers and take payments. My supervisor takes the “Manager” part seriously, however, so whenever a customer is unhappy and wants to make a complaint, he refuses to speak with them. This occurs when a customer has asked me if he can speak to a manager.)

Me: “Hey, would you mind speaking to this customer? I’ve explained why we can’t help him, but he’s really not happy and he wants to speak to a manager.”

Supervisor #1: *sighs heavily* “Look: you need to start handling these. You. Are. A. Manager. You can’t just pass it off to me because someone is yelling at you, okay?”

Me: “I understand that, but there’s nothing I can do for him. I’ve called other departments, and I’ve explained it to him from every angle. I think he just needs to hear it from someone else.”

Supervisor #1: “Look, I’m not getting on at you, but this is something you should be able to handle. I’ve got things to do.” *looks over at another, nicer supervisor* “Hey, can you handle this?”

Supervisor #2: “Sure.” *sits next to me and takes the phone* “Hello, sir?”

(The nice supervisor takes ten minutes to explain everything I’ve told the customer, and then the customer relents and hangs up.)

Supervisor #2: “There, all settled.”

Supervisor #1: “See? It’s that easy. Now, thank you, [Supervisor #2], from both myself and [My Name].”

Me: “Yes, seriously, thank you.”

Supervisor #1: “Next time, you should deal with it on your own.”

Me: “Even if they specifically request one of my superiors? I’m just supposed to tell them that I won’t, because I’m all they get to talk to?”

Supervisor #1: “Well, don’t phrase it like that, but yes!”

Supervisor #2: “Actually, it’s our job to speak to customers if they ask for us. You can’t just refuse to speak to someone. She’s a manager, yes, but in name only. That was actually a very abusive customer that was on the verge of taking legal action against us and getting in touch with the Better Business Bureau. True, nothing would’ve come of it, because we did everything right, but if it came to light that we denied him the opportunity to speak to a manager, then you would’ve gotten it in the neck for not assisting [My Name] when she asked.”

Supervisor #1: *glares and sulks for the rest of the day*

(Not long after that, [Supervisor #1] was promoted and I got a new one who actually supported me with difficult customers. [Supervisor #1] and I get along a lot better now that we don’t work together.)

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