Doesn’t Give You Much Assurance About Their Insurance

, , | Right | August 21, 2017

(We ask customers for the details of who they bank with in case they have dual insurance with a paid bank account. The client I’m currently talking to has a specific insurance for airline staff. We are about ten minutes into a call talking through a claim form when she says:)

Caller: “I didn’t know who I bank with, so I crossed the whole section out.” *Hmm?* “Yes, it was difficult, so I wrote ‘purple card.’”

Me: “Umm…”

Caller: *continuing on through the sections a whole manner of it she has filled in, shall we say, creatively* “…then I didn’t know how to show you that I owned the item, so I took a picture of myself with it, then held it with that picture on it and took another picture.”

(She was only claiming a few minor damages to the item. In the end I kinda felt bad for her because she’d clearly over-thought the whole thing. I ended up telling her not to send pictures, since we had already discussed a repair quote and we use sense to know that they had the item to actually have a quote done. Also this person is in charge of a huge airborne people-carrying plane. It slightly put me off flying.)

Unfiltered Story #91910

, , | Unfiltered | August 21, 2017

A few years ago I worked as a customer service rep for a call center. Specifically, I helped with cell phones. I’ll never forget the interaction I had when a customer called in to request a block be placed on a number that was calling her.

Me: Hello, this is [NAME] how may I help you today?

[After getting all of the prerequisite information this is what the customer says.]

Customer: You see, I need to put a block on a number that keeps calling me all hours of the night.

Me: I can understand that ma’am. I’d be more than happy to apply that block to your line so you don’t have to deal with this anym…

Customer: Yeah, he told me he wanted to suck my a**. I’m just not into all of that kind of stuff.

At this point I was laughing so hard that I had to hand the call off to my floor supervisor. I never found out if she got that number blocked but she DID tell every person she talked too that some creep wanted to do lewd things to her, and described those things in detail.

Trying Really Hard To Not Hope They Get Run Over By A Bus

, , , | Right | August 19, 2017

(I work in a call center for a large bus company. I’m known for having an extremely friendly attitude, but even I struggle with this customer, who sounds downright mean and condescending through the entire exchange.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Bus Company]. How may I help you?

Customer: “I need to find out how to get from [Small Town] to [Large City].”

Me: “Sure thing! What date and time are you interested in traveling?”

Customer: “None of your business.”

Me: “Ma’am? We have quite a few buses running daily between those places. I don’t need the exact time, but do you have an estimate? Say Wednesday afternoons in April?”

Customer: “Listen up! I don’t call here to have you pry into my personal life! Why should I be required to tell you what I’m doing and when? Just tell me how I can get to where I’m going!”

Me: “Ma’am, I would, but the schedule depends on the weekday and month. I just want to make sure I’m giving you the right times; that’s all!”

Customer: “I don’t care! You’re just a little sneak! This is the worst customer service ever! Can’t even answer a simple question! I wonder how you managed to get this job, seeing as you’re horrible at it…”

(At this point I really have to make an effort to sound friendly, and I just want to get rid of her.)

Me: “Would you like me to pick a month and then read aloud the whole schedule? I have to warn you, there are over twenty per day.”

Customer: “Well, are you going to start or not?”

Me: “Well, if you were to travel next week, on Monda- ”

Customer: “No! Not next week; the one after that!”

Me: “Okay. So on that week, the first bus leaves on Monday morning at four am; the- ”

(The customer snorts.)

Customer: “Seriously? Are you stupid? Why are you giving me all this useless information? I would never travel that early. Tell me the afternoon schedules.”

(She then lets me go through the list without further interruption.)

Customer: “Thank you. Oh, by the way, you’re not really bad at customer service. It’s just that I do customer service myself and got shouted at by a customer today. I felt really bad about it and wanted to take it out on someone, you know? Thankfully, I had you. Well, bye!”

Me: “Have a nice day…?”

(I quit shortly after.)

Not Your Problem Will Cause You Problems

, , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(As a line rings, our system pops up with the caller’s account information if one is associated with the phone number. Usually, this is just to expedite serving the customer. Not so much in this case. After I confirm the caller’s name and number, the account history makes my jaw drop.)

Caller: “So anyway, I saw your subscription numbers dipped, and it’s your lucky day; I’ve got a great deal for you!”

(I’m a little speechless at this point; this man’s account is locked due to frequent credit card fraud notifications. Some scammers do sell game time off stolen credit cards, but most customers stop after the inevitable chargeback and lost time.)

Me: “Pardon me, sir, but I can’t help but notice your account’s currently locked—”

Caller: “That’s right! And if you unlock it now and give me six months’ free time, you’ll get an old and valued customer back!”

Me: “Sir, the account’s locked due to frequent charge-backs—”

Caller: *same cheery voice* “Not my problem! I bought that time in good faith. You shouldn’t have taken it from me.”

Me: “Sir, those were stolen cards, and we’ve told you six times this was against our end user agreement.”

Caller: “Still don’t see how it’s my problem. That’s just capitalism. Someone made me a better offer!”

Me: “Because they were using stolen funds, sir, which was why we prohibit such transactions in our contracts.”

Caller: “Still not my problem. So, you going to do your company a solid and get them a valued customer back?”

Me: “You want me to waive $100 in outstanding charges and give you another $100 free?”

Caller: “It’s good business sense to keep the customer happy!”

Me: “Sir, you haven’t been a customer of ours since you started relying on fraudulent time purchases. Each of those purchases got refunded, and we were issued a chargeback penalty by the cardholder’s bank. You cost us money.”

Caller: “Not my problem!”

Me: “That’s why we locked your account. You may not think it’s your problem, but we’ve decided we don’t want you as a customer.”

Caller: “What? But I’ve been a good customer! You should be thankful I want to come back after how you treated me!”

Me: “Looking over your billing history, sir, it’s looking likely your entire time with us might actually be a net loss for us.”

Caller: “Do you want me to get my lawyer involved? He says I’ve got a good chance at restitution after the way you’ve treated me. I’m offering you a good deal. You should take it instead of letting this get… messy.”

Me: “As this is now pending litigation, your lawyer may contact our legal team for any further discussions. Please understand that no one at this phone number is able to discuss matters pertaining to this account until after its conclusion. Thank you.”

(In retrospect, I wish I could have asked how his lawyer felt about his client knowingly working with credit fraud from a variety of state and international ends, but I don’t know I’d have been able to keep from laughing.)

Hasn’t Got The Energy To Deal With This

, , , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I used to work for one of the major energy suppliers in the UK. Over the years I heard all kinds of excuses not to pay the bill, some genuine, some just plain crazy. One of my favourites occurs when I am on the evening shift. A customer calls up, furious that we keep sending him bills.)

Customer: “I’m not paying because I don’t believe in paying for energy.”

Me: “You used the energy; you have to pay for it, whether you believe in it or not. I understand if you cannot pay all in one go and am happy to set you up with a payment plan, if you’d like.”

Customer: “No! I haven’t used any energy. I’m not paying for what I haven’t used.”

Me: “That’s not what the meter readings are saying.”

Customer: “Then your meters are faulty. I’m not using anything.”

Me: “You seem to be calling us from your home phone. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s also dark out. Do you have a light on?”

Customer: “Well, of course I am. How could I see without it?”

Me: “Your phone uses energy and so do your light bulbs. You just admitted to using energy.”

Customer: “NO! Phones are just phone lines – they don’t use electricity. Also light bulbs use solar energy. I am NOT using any of your electric.”

Me: “Oh, do you have solar panels?”

Customer: “No! You don’t even need them. All light bulbs run on solar power. They’re LIGHT bulbs. Light is powered by light. You know, from the sun. Sun LIGHT.”

Me: “I can also hear a television or radio on in the background.”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s SATELLITE. It runs off the SATELLITE, not electricity. God, you people are so f****** stupid.”

(I pause for a moment and decide this is just one of those battles that isn’t worth fighting. We have lots of customers waiting and this customer doesn’t seem willing to budge.)

Me: “Unfortunately, it appears as though your appliances are using electricity because your meter readings are going up. This bill must be paid. If you do not clear your balance or set up an arrangement, we will go to court for a warrant, which will allow us access to your property to fit a prepayment meter to ensure the energy is paid for. This will also incur further charges to your account. I can set you up on a payment plan today to prevent this.”

Customer: “Go f*** yourself, you stupid b****. Go ahead. Take me to court. I’m not using any energy. You’ll never get that warrant!”

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