Their Knowledge Has Skilled Them In The Right Attitude

, , , | Working | March 12, 2018

(I am currently transitioning out of my training class at the call center where I work, along with a handful of other people. This afternoon, my team lead is going over some information with us. Afterwards, we get this gem:)

Team Leader: “So, now that we’ve talked about it, what do you think is most important: knowledge, skill, or attitude?”

Us: “All of them.”

Team Leader: “Wrong! It’s all of them!”

Us: “…”

Team Leader: “I trained you too well.”

The Kind Of Person Who Puts The Shotgun Into “Shotgun Wedding”

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(I’m finishing up with a very normal sales call when suddenly everything changes.)

Customer: “You have a nice voice. I can tell you’re a beautiful woman. How old are you?”

Me: “I’m 21. So, we have your set up date as [date]. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: *lying* “Yes.”

Customer: “You should leave him and marry me. I can tell you’re a nice girl. I’ll be at your work tonight with flowers, waiting.”

Me: *standing up and flapping my arms at management across the room* “That’s very nice of you, but please, don’t. I’m going to transfer you to the confirmation line now.”

Customer: “You will be my bride!”

Me: “Have a great day.” *transfers*

Manager: *runs up* “What happened?”

Me: “I need an escort to my car in an hour.”

Manager: “Why?”

Me: “Remember that crazy person who said he would shoot up the building last month? This is worse.”

Manager: “A bomb?!”

Me: “Forced marriage.”

Manager: “S***. [Coworker]! Can you walk [My Name] to her car? You’re bigger than me!”

(And yes, Crazy Marriage Guy did show up an hour after I left. Security left the flowers at my cubicle. This is why I said it was worse. Angry people say they will kill people all the time, willy-nilly. Really crazy people try to marry you.)

Once You’ve Delivered It You Can’t Un-Deliver It

, , | Right | March 9, 2018

(I’m working customer service for an online store. We ship our parcels by a third-party delivery service called Hermes. I explain this to a customer. I get the following response:)

Customer: “Fine, then deliver the goods by Herpes. Thank you.”

Not Even My Customer And I’m Getting Grief

, , , , | Right | March 7, 2018

(I work for a small Internet company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling B-Tape. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I haven’t gotten my order, and I ordered last week. Can you track it?”

Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have the order number?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t find that order. I can try with your email.”

Customer: “Sure, it’s [email].”

Me: “I can’t find it with that email. I can try with your address.”

(I cannot for the life of me find this lady’s information, no matter what she gives me. I am trying for eight minutes because she is so adamant this is an order with us.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I could not find your order or an account. Are you sure you placed it with us? Maybe it was with another company. We are B-Tape.”

Customer: “Look, you took my money. I just want my order. I placed it with you last week. YOU HAVE MY MONEY. So, where is MY ORDER?!”

Me: “I will be more than happy to give you this information, but I do need to find your account. Was it under another email, by chance? Or maybe another shipping address?”

Customer: “My billing address is my shipping address. And I only have one d*** email. I’ll find it; watch!”

Me: “Sure. If you can let me know which department it was sent from, I can confirm the order number on my end, too.”

Customer: “It says it right here, ‘Order [number], placed Tuesday, with T-Stamp.’”

Me: “Oh, I see what happened. We’re actually B-Tape. That’s why I couldn’t find your order. You ordered from another company. I can Google their call center number so you can call them directly after we hang up.”

Customer: “But I already have you on the phone. So, why aren’t you giving me my order. Are you guys a scam? Like fraud?”

Me: “No. We’re B-Tape. B like ‘boy.’ You ordered from T-Stamp.”

Customer: “Yes, T like ‘toy.’ That’s your company. I’m not stupid.”

Me: “There’s some confusion. We both have similar names. But we’re spelled B like ‘Bobby,’ T-A-P-E. You ordered from T like ‘toy,’ S-T-A-M-P.”

Customer: “Oh, wow. If you knew I had the wrong place, why didn’t you tell me?!”

(She muttered about me wasting her long distance and hung up on me after 15 minutes.)

The Adventures Of Parolyn

, , , | Right | March 7, 2018

(I work at a call center for a large health insurance company. My name, Carolyn, can sometimes be misunderstood, but it is close enough I don’t always correct the callers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is Carolyn.”

Caller: “Karen?”

Me: “No, Carolyn”

Caller: “Marilyn?”

Me: “No my name is Carolyn.”

Caller: “Parolyn?”

Me: “No, Carolyn. C-A-R-O-L-Y-N.”

Caller: “Oh, Gary Ann.”

Me: *facepalm*

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