icon_criminals

Getting Breaking Bad Credit

, | Greenville, SC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work at a banking call center and we often get calls from people asking why their card isn’t working. In this case, our fraud system has blocked a card for suspicious use and the customer has called to find out what is going on.)

Customer: “Why did my card get blocked at [National Pharmacy Chain]?”

Me: “Well, you had a $850 purchase there one day and $1,500 the next. High dollar pharmacy purchases have a high risk of being flagged by our fraud system and causing your card to get blocked.”

Customer: “Why is that?”

Me: “One of the main reasons is because there are a lot of drugs that you can buy at a pharmacy that, when bought in enough quantity and mixed in combination with certain others or certain chemicals, can be used for illegal purposes. For example, pseudoephedrine is a key ingredient in making methamphetamines.”

Customer: “Is making meth illegal?”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

icon_money

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 51

| Essex, UK | Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I work in a call centre for a clothing manufacturer and distributor. As we occasionally deliver internationally we work 24/7. At about 4 am I have a call come through.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. You’re speaking to [My Name]. How can I help?”

(Customer proceeds to reel off her credit card details.)

Me: *trying to politely interrupt* “Oh, excuse me, you’re through to [Company]. Did you want to place an order?”

Customer: *annoyed* “I already placed an order half an hour ago. I couldn’t find my card. I’ve found it now so I’m giving you my card.”

(There are only two of us in the office at this time and neither of us have taken a call in about two hours.)

Me: “Okay, well, if I can take your ZIP code—” *she’s American* “—I can search for your—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I only need to give you my card details; that’s all you need.”

Me: “Well, I would need to find your details to put your order through.”

Customer: *yelling* “I already placed an order! You have my details; I need to give you my card!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’d need to take the order again as we can’t put an order through without…”

Customer: *interrupting* “Are you from the UK? I can’t understand a word you’re saying; you people speak gibberish. If you want to be smart like us in America you need to listen when I speak.”

Me: *speaking slower* “Yes, we are based in the UK. I do understand; if I can take your ZIP code I can search for your—”

Customer: *Interrupting* “I went to London once. I went to Sloane Street. You people are fools who speak gibberish.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. Like I said if you’d like me to help I—”

Customer: “Can you just take my card details?!”

(This goes on for a while. Eventually she gives me her ZIP code and her details are unsurprisingly not on our system. She is unhappy to give me the rest of her details but eventually does whilst consistently insisting I only need her card details. Eventually I get to the point where I search for the product she wants to order.)

Me: “Unfortunately, I can see that we are currently out of stock of that item and would take about three weeks to make more.”

Customer: “I wasn’t told this before!” *again, we had had no previous call*

Me: “Well, we can still make it for you but—”

Customer: “I wasn’t told this before!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t know why you would have been told otherwise but—”

Customer: “I wasn’t told this before! Stop talking gibberish! I wasn’t told this before!”

(This continues for a while. Eventually she agrees to place the order on back order and I finally take her card details.)

Me: “Oh, unfortunately, your payment has failed to go through.”

Customer: *in a very matter of fact tone* “Well, it wouldn’t. My daughter cancelled my card.”

(I pause for a moment.)

Customer: “Well, how can you sort this out for me?”

Me: “I can’t take payment from a cancelled card, I’m afraid. If you have another I can—”

Customer: “Why can’t you? Why won’t you help me? Un-cancel my card!”

Me: “I can’t; you’d need to speak to your bank.”

Customer: “My bank is [American Bank] and their number is [their number].”

Me: “I couldn’t speak to them. You would…”

(Customer interrupts me and proceeds to give me all her bank’s security details, despite my protests that she shouldn’t tell me. And then she gives me her daughter’s contact details as well to convince her to reactivate the card.)

Me: “Miss [Customer], I’m really very sorry but due to many data protection laws I couldn’t possibly—”

Customer: “I don’t think you are from Sloane Street. I think you must be from Kings Cross or Convent Garden.”

(The customer seemed to have an absolute fit when I explained I wasnot in London. She continued to insist I reactivate her card for a good while and then eventually called me unhelpful and useless, then hung up. These calls normally take about three-four minutes. I was on this call for over half an hour.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 50
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 49
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 48

icon_technology

The Router Of Your Problems

| Canada | Technology

(I’m booking a technician to come out to fix a customer’s Internet, and asking a couple of routine questions while I do so.)

Me: “…and has anyone other than a [Company] technician added any splitters or amplifiers to that cable going into the back of the modem?”

Customer: *rather nastily* “Wouldn’t you have that right there in the account notes, if any splitters or amplifiers were added to it?”

Me: “I wouldn’t have it in the notes if it was added by someone other than a [Company] technician.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, were any splitters or amplifiers added to that cable by someone other than a [Company] technician?”

Customer: “No…”