Needs Some Geographical Assurance

| ON, Canada | Geography

(I work for a Canadian cell phone provider. I live in Canada, and my customers are Canadians.)

Customer: “Hey I’m travelling to Los Cabos and the last time I went there I added an American add-on and I was still charged, so I want to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Me: “Of course, sir, I’ll be happy to help. It seems that Los Cabos is actually in Mexico which is in Zone One. These are some of the add-ons we offer for Zone One.” *provides different options*

Customer: “Wow, those are pretty expensive… The last time I got some travel add-ons they weren’t so expensive!”

Me: “Right, they gave you the wrong travel add-on, remember? The US travel pass is less expensive but you’re going to Mexico.”

Customer: “But Mexico is part of the United States!”

Me: “Um… No, Mexico is not part of the United States, sir.”

Customer: “Wait, Mexico is NOT part of the United States?!”

Me: “No, sir, it’s not part of the United States.”

Customer: “Huh, I guess they changed it.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure it’s been like that for a while now.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You know, Trump and his wall to keep them out and all…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “All right, then, would you like to add one of the travel passes?”

Customer: “I’ll have to talk to my wife about this.”

Me: “Okay, have a good night!”

Keeping A Deadly Account

| Manila, The Philippines | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I work for a call center that helps customers with their credit card concerns.)

Me: “[Credit Card Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Hello. I would like to know my balance, please.”

Me: “I will be more than happy to help you with that. May I have your card number?”

Caller: “I do not have that with me; can I give you my social instead?”

Me: “Sure. May I have your social?”

Caller: “It’s [Social Security Number].”

Me: “And may I have your name?”

Caller: “[Caller].”

Me: “Thanks, [Caller]. And can I have the four-digit PIN associated with the account?”

Caller: “I do not know that.”

(Even early on, I know that the caller is a fraudster. I see something on the account that I can use to shut him down.)

Me: “Thanks, [Caller]. Now, before I continue, can I ask you one question? Do you believe in resurrection?”

Caller: “Yes, why?”

Me: “Because you may have risen from the dead as the owner of this account has recently passed away.”

Your Last (Tele)Port Of Call

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Crazy Requests

(I have a call from a customer who has a defective phone. I work with her to get a replacement. She just has to send hers back and pick up the new one when this conversation happens…)

Me: “Okay, now that is all set. What is your physical address so I can find you the closest store.”

Customer: “I’m a truck driver.You can’t expect me to try to park my truck at one of your stores!”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’ll have it shipped to you.”

Customer: “Are you deaf or something? I’m a truck driver. You can’t mail me anything. It will get stolen while I’m on the road!”

Me: “Ma’am, how do you expect me to get you your phone that we just ordered if you refuse to go to a store but also refuse to let use ship it to you?”

Customer: “That’s your problem, not mine. Figure it out!” *click*

(Later when passing on the information to my boss, he said, clearly upset with me, “What? Why didn’t you tell her about our newly adopted teleportation delivery system? I’m very disappointed in you!” )

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 62

| UK | Extra Stupid, Money

(My company provides all sorts of home help, ranging from nurses to home aides to babysitters for sick children.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]; this is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hi, I wanted to talk to someone about this letter I received.”

Me: “Sure, what is your question?”

Caller: “Well, I received a notice about a payment I made three months ago. I don’t understand because I did pay the bill. Can you transfer me to the babysitting service?”

(I try to connect her but get no answer, so I ask her if I can take a message.)

Caller: “Well, yes. You see, I lost the original bill so I just paid 200€ to your company account and I figured that would be the end of it.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “You did what?”

Caller: “I mean, why are you sending me an invoice if it’s been paid?”

Me: “Ma’am, I doubt your bill was paid as it was likely not the correct amount and did not have a correct reference number.”

Caller: “But you still sent me a notice.”

(At this point, and before my eyes roll out of my head I try the service again. This time I do get someone answering.)

Me: *to coworker* “You’re never going to believe this one…”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 61
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 60
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 59

Some Callers Really Get Your Goat

| Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work for a large insurance company in the car insurance department. We certainly get some oddball callers and queries, but a few really take the cake. This is one of them.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Company]; you’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll be travelling to France in a few days and just needed to check some things on my policy.”

Me: “Not a problem at all. Could I just take your policy number…” *I confirm the policy and security with the customer* “Okay… I see you currently don’t have European Cover, but you are covered Third Party Only as part of your current plan. Are you looking to increase your cover to fully comprehensive whilst in France?”

Customer: “Yes. I’d also like to get the European Breakdown package as well.”

Me: “That’s great; I can get that set up for you…” *I explain the fee structure*

Customer: “One thing I need to know before I go ahead?”

Me: “Not a problem. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, I’m picking up my fiancé and we’re coming back here to get married.”

Me: “Congratulations, sir!”

Customer: “Thank you… but you see… I’ll be bringing her goat back to the UK with us. Would that be covered by the policy?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, did you say you’re bringing a goat back with you?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s the family pet and she won’t go without him.”

Me: *pause for a moment* “I don’t see why that should be a problem, but I’ll need to check with underwriting. Are you okay to hold for a moment?

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I call through to underwriting.)

Underwriter: “Customer Underwriting Team; [Underwriter] speaking. How can I help?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from Customer Services. I have a customer who wants to check if we’ll cover him travelling from France to the UK with a goat in his van.”

Underwriter: “…”

Me: “Hello?”

Underwriter: “A goat?!” *laughter is heard in the background from other underwriters*

Me: “Yeah, it’s his fiancé’s goat; she won’t leave France without it.”

Underwriter: *stifling laughter* “I just need to quickly ask my supervisor.”

(During the brief hold, I jump back to the customer and let him know we’re just waiting on Underwriting approval.)

Underwriter: “Okay, his insurance won’t be affected by having the… goat… in the back of his van; however, we won’t cover damage the goat does to his van, or the goat itself in the event of an accident.”

Me: “Thanks, I’ll let the customer know. This is the oddest call you’ve ever had, isn’t it?”

Underwriter: “Myself, yes; not Underwriting as a whole, but you don’t want to know. Thank you for calling Underwriting.”

Me: “Thanks again.”

(I switch back to the customer and relay what Underwriting said. He’s ok and we go ahead with the changes to his policy.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, that’s everything. Thanks again.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. We hope you have a safe journey.”

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