Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Bird Brained

, , | Right | November 15, 2007

Me: “Hello, telephone orders.”

Customer: “Hi, I’ve just seen a bird in my back garden.”

Me: “That’s very nice, madam. Would you like to place an order?”

Customer: “It’s kind of a black and white colour, and quite large…”

Me: “Okay, madam. Did you want to place an order with us today?”

Customer: “What type of bird do you think it is? It’s very unusual.”

Me: “Erm, I’m afraid I can’t help you, madam. I’m just a call center operative.”

Customer: “But don’t you know about birds? Aren’t you the RSPB?” *Royal Society for the Protection of Birds*

Me: “No, madam. We’re just a trading company.”

Customer: “Well, my brochure says RSPB on it.”

Me: “That’s correct, but we’re a trading company. We have lots of different charity catalogues. You actually need to call the RSPB head office.”

Customer: “But it says on this catalogue that you are the RSPB. Surely you must be able to tell me what type of bird it is. It’s so pretty. Oh, oh, oh… Oh, dear, I thought it was going to fly off then. Stay, little birdy. Don’t go away. Good birdy.”

Me: “So would you like the number for the RSPB then?”

Customer: “So who are you?”

(This goes on and on and on, with intermittent monologue about what the bird is actually doing and what she’s fed it)

Someone Needs To Get Out More

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash, or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his penis.”

Caller: *hangs up*


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

Read the next Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup story!

Read the Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

911 Grab Bag: Define “Emergency”

, , , | Right | November 12, 2007

(The following quotes are from various phone calls made to a West Virginia 911 line.)

1. “What are the Daily Pick Four lottery numbers?”

2. “My TV is out.”

3. “How much snow/rain are we supposed to get?”

4. “Is it illegal to tape a cat to a bottle rocket?”

5. “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

6. “How high are gas prices going to get?”

7. “Why am I getting Error Message #781 on my computer screen?”

8. “I have never roasted a turkey before and my in-laws will be here in an hour.”

9. “I am reading this recipe. What is fennel?”

10. “I am doing my homework. What is the square root of 435?”

11. “Are crabs in season?”

12. “I wanna talk to a cop about my child support, if you can drag one away from the donut shop.”

13. “I just wanted to make sure you were all awake.”


Did you find this story using our Emergency Services roundup?

Click here to read the first story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

One Track Minds And Earwax Don’t Mix

, , , | Right | November 3, 2007

Me: “What size?”

Lady: “Electric Lime.”

Me: “What size?”

Lady: “Electric Lime.”

Me: “That’s a color, miss. What size did you want the harness in?”

Lady: “What do you mean, ‘What size’?”

Me: “How many inches is it?”

Lady: “Oh I didn’t even think about the size.”

*grimace*

On The Acoustical Properties of Wheelchairs

, , | Right | October 28, 2007

Customer: “You’ll have to speak up, love. I’m in a wheelchair!”