The Coffee Lasts Longer Than Their Friends

, , , | Right | September 24, 2018

(I am working in a call center taking customer service calls for a major food company that owns various food manufacturers. My supervisor is sitting next to me doing an evaluation.)

Me: “My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi, I just called to say that my husband and I were just going through one of our dead friends’ homes and we found a twenty-year-old can of [Brand] coffee. When we took it home and opened it, it was still fresh! Your coffee is amazing.”

Me: “Uh, well, thank you, ma’am. I’ll be sure to pass that on. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “No. That’s all we wanted to say. You have a nice day. Bye.”

(I take myself out of queue and look at my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Why would anyone drink twenty-year-old coffee?”

Me: “That’s what bothered you about that call?”

Supervisor: “What do you mean?”

Me: “She said they were just going through one of their dead friends’ homes. ‘Friends’ and ‘homes.’ Plural.”

Supervisor: “So?”

Me: “So, there haven’t been any major storms or disasters on the news. So, why do they have more than one dead friend at the same time, how did those friends die, and why are they going through their homes?”

Supervisor: “…”

Me: “Yeah. I’m taking my lunch now while you think about that.”

Don’t Waste Your Breath(alyzer)

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work for a company that leases ignition interlocks — car breathalyzers. For reporting and quality, the units are changed every 30 to 60 days, depending on the state. Customers get a countdown, but after it goes to zero, you have to tow your car, as it won’t start. We also have remote changes, where the mechanic just puts it on a machine and tests it. This customer called from a state where remote changes were just installed. His car is past zero by two days.)

Customer: “I don’t know why you didn’t tell me they were remote now! I always go by the tracking number on the package to know when my unit times out!”

Rep: “Well, that’s one way to do it, but your unit also gives you a five-day countdown, and a seven-day grace period, as well. You can also check your time update on our website, or you can call the automated line and it will give you your time-out date, as well.”

Customer: “You still should have sent me an email specifically saying that the unit wasn’t shipped so that I didn’t go by the tracking number. Can’t you turn it back on?”

Rep: “Sorry, your state regulations don’t allow us to do that. You will have to tow it in.”

Customer: “But you didn’t send me anything and tell me unit wouldn’t be shipped! I need something — a time extension, or a credit! I tried calling but didn’t want to wait on hold! I demand to talk to your supervisor!”

(I put him on hold for one minute, and he hung up almost instantly. I guess his car is SUPER important to him.)

Unfiltered Story #121024

, , | Unfiltered | September 19, 2018

(My mother worked at a tire insurance company taking calls for people who’s tires were damaged. This is one of her stories.)

Mother: *after trying to help a male customer* I’m sorry, but I have to reject your claim.

Customer: How old are you?

Mother: About 40.

Customer: Well so am I, so I know more about tires than you do.

(The claim was still rejected)

Can’t Help Those Who Refuse To Be Helped

, , , , | Right | September 18, 2018

(I work in the over-the-phone billing department for a cable provider. A woman calls in because her first name is spelled wrong on her bill. It usually takes a few minutes to fix, but because they passed a social security check with the misspelling, we have to ask a few questions to make sure that everything is correct and legal.)

Caller: “I did this two months ago, and it still isn’t fixed. It’s so discouraging to see how little this company cares about me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s a little strange to hear it wasn’t fixed then. I care, and I will make it right.”

(I check the notes from when she previously called in. The representative who handled her said that they tried to place an order, but could not finish it because the call had dropped.)

Caller: “If this isn’t fixed, I will find another provider. It’s just lazy how little you care about your customers.”

Me: “No, I get it, I do. It’s frustrating to call in for the same thing multiple times, but this will be the last call. Now, back then, did they ask you any questions like your date of birth, or the last four digits of your social security number?”

Caller: “No, no, nothing like that. It’s just so lazy. Very, very lazy.”

Me: “I understand. I have the correct spelling put into the system now, but to get it to recognize it, I’ll need the answers to those questions. May we start with your date of birth?”

Caller: “It’s just so unprofessional. I’ll stand by my word that if this isn’t fixed by my next month’s bill, I will find a company who cares about me and isn’t lazy like you.”

Me: “And, as you should, but you have nothing to worry about. I do, however, need your date of birth to complete this.”

Caller: “I can’t believe how lazy you are.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. May I please have your date of birth?”

Caller: “So, you’ll have this all taken care of? Okay, if it’s not, I have your name and it will be your job. Bye.”

Me: “No, please do not hang up—”

(She did hang up on me. I tried reaching her at her home phone where it showed she was calling from, and her cell phone, but it was obvious she was rejecting the calls. I had to notate the account what had happened and that I tried calling her back, but in the end, no changes had been made to her account because I legally could not. I feel a little bad that I could not fix her problem like I promised, but I cannot help customers who do not allow me to.)

It’s A Kobra-Kat!

, , , , , | Working | September 18, 2018

(I am spelling my email address over the phone to get a confirmation notice for an order.)

Me: “A-S-K-A—”

Representative: “A-S-pay-A?”

Me: “No, A-S-K like ‘ask.’”

Representative: “Oh, A like ‘ask,’ S like ‘swan,’ K like ‘cat.’”

Me: “That’s right, A-S-K-A… No, wait…”

Representative: “I’m sorry; I mean K as in ‘cobra’!”

Me: “…”

Representative: “Kangaroo! Kangaroo.”

Me: “That’s the one.”

Representative: “Sorry, I’m really not awake yet.”

Me: “No problem. I was about to go right along with you!”

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