Caller Isn’t Operating

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(I work for an Internet service provider, as a tech support operator.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company] support. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help today?”

Customer: “Yeah, mate, I can’t get into my computer.”

Me: “Do you mean your Internet? Are you having trouble accessing websites?”

Customer: “No, my computer is asking for a password and I can’t remember what it is!”

Me: “What else do you see on the screen?”

Customer: “It’s all blue with a picture and a box asking for my password.”

Me: *realising what’s going on* “Okay, that sounds like you’re having problems with your operating system. It might be better for you to call [Computer Company], as they are better equipped to handle these kinds of problems.”

Customer: “Why? I’ve called you guys before and you’ve fixed this for me! I want you to fix it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s outside of my power.”

Customer: “This is pathetic; you have to be the worst employee [ISP] has. I have the CEO’s personal number; I’m calling him now to get you fired!” *click*

Me: *stares at my coworker, dumbfounded*

(Six months on, I still have my job.)

When Thinking Outside The Box Is Not Thinking At All

, , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I’m a supervisor in customer care at a call center for a major cellular provider. When we do warranty replacements, we send a phone out and require the defective one to be returned. If, however, it returns physically damaged outside of the warranty, we bill a damaged device fee. The following is one of those escalations.)

Me: *taking over escalated call from agent* “Hi, ma’am. I’m a wireless care supervisor; how may I help you?”

Customer: “I want my money back! You HAVE to give me my money back!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but I’m looking at the pictures of the device you sent in, and the phone’s screen isn’t just cracked, it’s completely shattered. Our warranty doesn’t cover this, and I’m afraid we have to charge you.”

Customer: “No, you HAVE to get rid of this charge. There was NOTHING wrong with that phone when I sent it in.”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. When we received it, it was pretty beaten up. Did you pack it well when you mailed it?”

Customer: “I packed it exactly like the other rep told me to! It was fine when it left here!”

Me: “Perhaps you could take it up with the postal carrier?”

Customer: “I thought it was weird, the way the rep told me to pack it, but I did it exactly like they said!”

Me: *curious where this is going to lead* “Okay, ma’am. What did they tell you to do?”

Customer: “He said to tape it to the box. I’ve never done that before, but that’s what he said to do, and I did. If it’s broken, it’s your fault!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, taping the phone inside the box is a good idea, as it does prevent the phone from jostling around and possibly breaking.”

Customer: *quiet for a moment* “What do you mean ‘inside the box’?”

Me: *thinking I see where this is going, checking the pics of the broken phone, and the box it came in, again* “Ma’am… did you tape your phone to the OUTSIDE of the shipping box?”

Customer: “I just did what the representative told me to do! That’s the way you guys package your return phones, and I did everything I was supposed to do!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You have to get rid of this charge! You just have to!”

Me: “Ma’am, you taped the phone to the outside of an empty box, shipped it to us, and you don’t know why the phone is broken?” *barely able to contain laughter at this point* “I’m sorry, but there’s just no way we can refund this.”

(The customer launched into tirade of profanity, yelled for my manager, and ended up getting disconnected for being abusive. And I don’t think she ever realized that she shouldn’t have taped it to the box.)

Don’t Call Tin Man For Charity

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I work in a call centre, selling raffle tickets to raise money for different type of charities. This call happens to be for a heart research institute.)

Me: “Good morning, sir. My name is [Name], and I’m calling on behalf of [Heart Charity].”

Potential Customer: “Sorry, don’t have one of them.” *click*

Ooooookay-la

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

(I work in a call center for a catalog company.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company]. My name is Kayla. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry; your name is what?”

Me: “Kayla.”

Customer: “Repeat.”

Me: “Kayla.”

Customer: “Spell that for me.”

Me: “K. A. Y. L. A.”

Customer: “K. A. Y. O. A?”

(I respell it a couple more times, and get the same result, so I give up.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to get your name!”

(I try giving it to him again with the phonetic spelling, and he is still not getting the “L”. I give up, and say yes, that is my name.)

Customer: “Are you from the US?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “That must be a family name, because that’s not from around here.”

Me: “What can I get ordered for you, sir?”

Customer: “I want to know where that name is from.”

(When he finally moved past my name, he only placed an order for one small item.)

Goat Eggs For Veterans

, , , , | Right | September 27, 2017

(I work tech support for a satellite company. The customer I’m speaking with is getting a signal lost on one receiver, and we are setting up a service call for a tech. This customer has already stated to me that he’s had a few beers, but has been otherwise normal up until this.)

Me: “Would you have any special instructions for the tech? Gates, animals, hidden driveways?”

Customer: “Can he bring me a goat?”

Me: “I’m sorry. Our tech can’t bring a goat.”

Customer: “But you asked about special instructions. I want him to bring me a goat.”

Me: “He cannot bring you an animal.”

Customer: “What about eggs? Can he bring me eggs?”

Me: “No, sir. He would not have anything like that available to bring.”

Customer: “I bet if I told you I was a veteran, it would be different.”

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