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Arrivederci To This Caller

, , , , | Right | December 31, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: *Five-second pause* “Why do you answer the phone in English?”

Me: “Uh… because this is the English department?”

Caller: “I want to speak Italian!”

Me: “Okay, then you will need to hang up, redial, and push three for Italian. It appears you pushed two and got the English department.”

Caller: “But I will have to wait again! I waited for twenty minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry that happened, but I’m not sure what else to tell you. Press three for the Italian department when you redial.”

Caller: “Connect me to the Italian department!”

Our internal telephone system isn’t that simple; it would involve me looking through a directory of many employees from six different language markets, trying to remember which one of them speaks Italian, and then checking their work status to see if they are available to take calls. My system is telling me that there are three people on hold waiting to talk to me.

Me: “I’m not able to do that from here. You will need to hang up and redial.”

Caller: “No, you will speak Italian with me! This is Italy! Speak Italian!”

Me: “Sir, we’re actually located in Germany. I don’t speak a drop of Italian. Please hang up and—”

Caller: *Speaking Italian*

Me: “Sir, I don’t understand you. Please hang up and redial—”

Caller: *Continuing in Italian*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to end this call.” *Hanging up*

Getting Tired Of This Ship

, , , | Right | December 29, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “This is the second time today I am calling about my order. I called this morning because I never received it. And now I had to call again.”

Me: “I am so sorry, ma’am, I can—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “Don’t you want my order number?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, if you have it.”

She gives me the order number and I get her name and verify her identity.

Me: “Thank you. I show that this is a replacement order that was entered into your account today. Do you have a question about the replacement?”

Caller: “I called this morning because I didn’t get my order, and she said she would issue credit and send out this replacement, but just now they delivered the first one.”

Me: “Oh, I’m glad that you got your items. You can—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “I can’t refuse the new shipment, because I added another item when she did the replacement for me, and I need that item.”

Me: “Well, then you can just ship back everything else when it’s delivered. We can send—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “NO! I am not paying to ship it back.”

Me: “Oh, no, we would not expect you to do that. As I was saying, we can send you a prepaid shipping label to send the second order back so—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “No, I’m not doing that. That would take too much time. Time is money, you know. Just cancel the replacement order.”

Remember, she said she didn’t want to refuse it because she had added an extra item. If we were able to cancel it, she still wouldn’t get that item. However, it is too late to cancel it.

Me: “I apologize, but the replacement has already shipped, so we can’t cancel it. You can either refuse delivery on the entire order, or I can send a prepaid return label to send back everything except that one item.”

Caller: “If you can’t cancel it, I’ll just keep both orders, then.”

Me: “Well, if you want to keep both shipments, I can certainly cancel the credit and you can—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “No, you’re not going to cancel the credit. I’m only going to pay for one order. I shouldn’t have to pay for both of them because you took your sweet time shipping out the first one.”

Me: “I do apologize again for the delay in receiving the original order, but we did ship it out the same day that the order was—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “Now you’re just lying to me. There’s no way you shipped it then, or it wouldn’t have taken until today for me to get it.”

Me: “I’m so sorry that it took longer than expected for the order to be delivered, but we would not be able to give you both orders for the price of one. You can either return the extra shipment, or I can cancel the credit and you can pay both invoices.”

Caller: “No. Is there anyone else I can talk to about this? A manager or someone?”

Me: “I can certainly check to see if there is a supervisor available to speak to you.”

I put the customer on hold, get hold of a supervisor, and briefly explain. Just as I am about to bring the customer back onto the line, her light goes out, indicating she has hung up.

Me: *To the supervisor* “Okay, she just hung up, so I guess I will let you go.”

After I got off the phone with the supervisor, I sent through a request to cancel the credit and then entered a long note with the call details and instructions that the customer would need to return one of the shipments or pay both invoices.

Learning How To Internet Is A Beast Of A Task

, , | Right | CREDIT: Dradonus | December 28, 2021

I currently work in a call center, and the call center contracts me with other businesses that need help. I get a call and go through the spiel I usually do.

Caller: “Oh, I don’t have an account with you guys.”

That’s fine. I set him up with one, and as I am asking probing questions about his issue today and creating a case, he says:

Caller: “Yeah, I don’t know why you guys started to need an Internet connection to use your software, but I don’t have an Internet connection, so I need you to give me a code or some magic jumbo to get the program to work for me.”

I’m confused, as I was not aware that there were people out there without an Internet connection. I explain how he needs to use the Internet for various functions of the product. He gets upset and annoyed.

Caller: “Well, I guess I will get a new computer with the Internet on it.”

I don’t catch that at first.

Caller: “Is this going to be something that always happens with the company?”

Me: “With everything moving to the cloud — aka the Internet — a lot of your programs and products are going to be using that for various features.”

He reluctantly agrees and then asks what he needs for a new computer, so I gave him minimum requirements: Windows 8.1 or newer, 2 bg of RAM1GB for the program, 5 GB for Microsoft, .net 5.4.2 or something like that, 1 mbs for Internet. The program needs admin rights, especially when printing off documents.

He sighs.

Caller: “So, not only do I have to purchase a computer with the Internet—”

I catch it that time. I blink.

Caller: “—but I also have to get this beast of a computer.”

I looked at my gaming rig next to me, which five years ago cost $800 to $1000, thinking to myself, “Yeah… a real beast.” I tried to explain to him he would need to call his Internet service provider and get the basic Internet, and he should be fine, but he probably didn’t understand that, either.

Maybe He Should Check The Classifieds?

, , , | Right | December 27, 2021

Caller: “I need your help. We are looking for a very specific part. We are planning on having it fabricated for the final assembly, but that’s going to take several weeks. I’m trying to get something close enough off the shelf just to get started on the prototyping.”

Me: “That’s something we can look into for you. Can you describe what you need?”

The caller launches into a highly technical description of what the full assembly is.

Caller: “What I’m looking for is a very small part of that.”

There’s a long pause while I’m waiting for him to describe what the part is. He doesn’t.

Me: “So… Yes, well, what is it that we’re looking for?”

Caller: “I have a drawing.”

Me: “Okay, is it a screw? A rod? A motor? What kind of item is it?”

Caller: “It’s hard to describe.”

Me: “Can you give me the dimensions of it? Or what material it should be made of?”

Caller: “It would be easier if you could see it.”

Me: “Okay, are you able to send me the drawing?”

Caller: “No, I’m afraid it’s classified. We can’t share it.”


Me: “I’m sorry, but if you can’t show it to me, then you’re going to have to give me some type of description.”

Caller: “I guess you probably don’t have it. I’ll look elsewhere.” *Click*

That Holiday Spirit Has A Half-Life Of About A Day

, , , , | Right | December 27, 2021

I work for an insurance company, and as we are closed over Christmas, the day after Boxing Day is busy. 

Caller: “Please cancel my policy. It’s taken twenty-seven minutes to get through. And I don’t want your apologies or your excuses that it’s busy. I’m not interested!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”