Maybe 40 Is His IQ?

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2017

(I am doing Internet tech support over the phone.)

Me: “I’d like you check if you can see your WiFi name now, please.”

Customer: *too fast to have re-checked the list* “It’s still not there.”

Me: “Okay, can I have you just refresh the list, please?”

Customer: *angrily* “I don’t know how to do that! I’m forty! I don’t know anything about all this technology stuff!”

(I managed to refrain from telling him that I am forty-three, and not only am I not the oldest in the call centre, one of my coworkers left retirement to come and work with us! There are many excuses for being ignorant about technology, but being middle-aged isn’t one of them.)

Working Here Beats The Humanity Out Of You

, , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I am calling a computer company in regards to paying my bill. A pre-recorded message picks up.)

Message: “[Business]. For help servicing your computer, press one. For setting up an appointment, press two. For pricing information, press three. To speak to any available human, press zero.”

(I stop and look at the phone a few seconds, then proceed to press zero.)

Employee: “Hello, [Employee] speaking. Thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, is this a human?”

(Long silence.)

Employee: “I think so.”

Your Credit Is In A (Hot)Spot Of Bother

, , , , , , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(I am a supervisor with 20 employees under my charge. We handle cellular service billing questions. When the situation arises, I take their escalated calls. This particular customer needs a credit for some overage charges, and by policy doesn’t rate a credit.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name] and I’m a supervisor for [Company].”

Customer: “Yeah, I need my overages credited this instant. I never used this much data before, and I need it credited.”

(The customer has a significant amount of overage that is more than I make every two weeks.)

Me: “I will gladly take a look at the account and see what’s causing the overage.”

Customer: “Yeah, you better! I’m not paying for this!”

Me: “Sir, I can definitely understand the frustration. If you just give me a second…”

(I bring up the customer’s account, look over every detail, and notice he has his phone set as a mobile hotspot, meaning he is using his phone as a Wi-Fi router.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I notice you have your hotspot turned on.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. I know it’s protected; no one is stealing my data. Just tell me why I’m going over and credit it.”

Me: “I can not credit it unless it’s a malfunction with the phone or feature. I’d like to ask a couple of questions.”

(The customer at this point is sighing, and I see that his data usage is rising.)

Customer: “FINE! Ask all the f****** questions you need!”

Me: “What do you use your hotspot for?”

Customer: “Xbox. I use it to play games online. What else should I use it for?”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Customer: “I use it to game online, and Netflix.”

Me: “So, I found the problem. You’re using it for Xbox, which will eat up the data like PacMan eats pellets, and because of that, I will not credit the overage.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T CREDIT THE OVERAGE?! HOW THE F*** AM I GOING TO PAY FOR THIS?! FINE! I WON’T PAY MY BILL!”

Me: “Well, then, sir, it will go into collections, and ruin your credit.”

Customer: “I DON’T F****** CARE! I’M RICH! DO YOU HEAR ME?!”

Me: “Then you shouldn’t have a problem paying it.”

Customer: “I NEED TO FIX THIS! WHO CAN FIX THIS AND GIVE ME MY CREDIT?!”

(At this point I’m getting really annoyed at the customer, and just want the call to end.)

Me: “Microsoft.”

(At this point the customer knew they weren’t getting the credit and hung up the phone.)

Has No Control Over Your Birth-Control

, , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I work in an office filled entirely with women, some of whom are related to each other. Two of my coworkers have become pregnant within the last month. I’m getting a cup of coffee when one of the supervisors starts talking about her daughter’s pregnancy.)

Supervisor: “You know, [Daughter] seems very happy. She told me it was an accident, but she’s so excited to be a mom!”

Me: “Well, good; I’m happy for her.”

Supervisor: “You’ll be next, you know.”

Me: “Um, what now?”

Supervisor: “These things come in waves! You know, [Coworker] is also pregnant!”

Me: “Yes, I was aware of that. She said she was planning to have another baby this year.”

Supervisor: “Well, it comes in waves, so you’re next.”

Me: “No, I don’t think I am. I use birth control.”

Supervisor: “That doesn’t matter!”

Me: “It really, really does.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession: The Next Generation

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(I work at a call center for a major credit card company, assisting callers with inquiries and payments. Most calls are pretty routine, but there are some that are not so run-of-the-mill. This is one that has stayed with me for years.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I assist you today?”

Caller: “I need to pay off a card and close it.”

Me: “I’d be glad to take payment and assist you. May I ask the reason for closing the account?”

Caller: “You are bankrupting me! I can’t afford to keep paying the card! Every month, the bill is higher!”

Me: “The bill is directly associated with the charges made; are you aware of any fraudulent transactions?”

Caller: “The only fraud is that whenever you cancel my son’s card, he reapplies, and you give him another with a higher credit line!”

Me: “So, you are calling about your son’s account, not your own; is that correct?”

Caller: “Yes, and you need to close it and not give him another! I can’t afford to keep paying his bills!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you an authorized party on the card?”

Customer: “No, but I make all the payments and that should be authorization enough! How much do I owe to pay off the card and close it?”

Me: “I can take a payment against the balance for the amount you specify, but you don’t owe anything; your son does. Due to privacy and banking laws, I won’t be able to tell you the balance or close the card.”

(The caller chews me out for not helping. For the last 20 years she has been paying all her son’s debt, as he is not willing to take any personal responsibility. It is determined that her son is about 40 years old and supposedly has a job that pays well. He has at least one more card with high limits that he routinely uses for large charges; the caller also has been paying these, and has tried to cancel the card. She recently bought him a new truck — not used, because “a new one is so much better” — paid for damaged property because he’d wrapped his old pickup around a tree after a late night out, bailed him out of jail after he was arrested for DWI, leaving the scene, and not having insurance, paid his resulting penalties and fines, and started paying for his auto insurance so he wouldn’t lose his driver’s license.)

Me: “Your son is able to get cards with such high limits because you have paid all his bills, which means his credit score has not suffered. You are not responsible for your son’s debt. I’m not an expert by any means, but it’s evident to me that your son is taking advantage of your willingness to bail him out of any and all situations. Unless you stop paying and allow him to fail, the situation will not get any better. [Company] is not any more responsible for your financial situation than is the tree that your son hit with his truck.

Caller: “But if I stop paying, it would ruin his credit, and he could go back to jail!”

(I felt bad for her, but really, lady, get a clue!)

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