icon_technology

Out Of Control Panel

, | Portugal | Technology

(I work in a tech support company that is outsourced by some of the largest ISPs in the country to provide IT support to their customers. The average customer knows almost nothing about computers. This is a sample of a conversation that happens with several customers, too often to count…)

Tech: “All right, now I’m going to ask you to open the start menu and go to the Control Panel.”

Customer: “So where do I click?”

Tech: “The start menu.”

Customer: “And where is that?”

Tech: “It’s that little round button with the Windows flag on it, usually on the lower left corner of your screen.”

Customer: “So, do I open the Internet?”

Tech: “No, the start menu.”

Customer: “…”

Tech: “Do you see the time and date? On the lower right corner?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Tech: “On the opposite end of the task bar, which has the time and date… all the way to the left… What do you see?”

Customer: “I see… Oh, I see a ball with a Windows symbol inside. Is that it?”

Tech: “Yes. Click there, please.”

Customer: “Do I click once or twice?”

Tech: “Once.”

Customer: “Left or right mouse button?”

Tech: “Left.”

Customer: “Ok, I clicked it. It opened a rectangle on the left with many options.”

Tech: “Ok, so if you look closely you’ll see that rectangle is divided in two columns, correct?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Tech: “And on the right column you can read ‘Documents’, ‘Pictures’, ‘Computer’, etc… And if you continue going down you’re going to find the Control Panel.”

Customer: *taking an unusual amount of time to read half a dozen options on a menu…* “Oh, yes, I see it. Do I click it?”

Tech: “Yes, please.”

Customer: “Once or twice?”

Tech: “Once.”

Customer: “Left or right mouse button?”

Tech: “Left.”

(By now, it had been like five minutes, and all we had managed to do was open the Control Panel. And that was when we were lucky enough to manage even that! These calls weren’t free. And we often had to hear the customers complaining that they’re “spending a lot of money and the problem hasn’t been solved yet!”  Well, at this pace, it’s no wonder…)

icon_languagewords

Speaking On Different Channels

| Canada | Language & Words, Movies & TV, Technology

(I work tech support for the Internet part of a company that also provides cable TV and cell phones, so sometimes we get calls meant for other departments. When that happens, we just transfer them over. One day I get a call from an older, heavily-accented caller.)

Me: “Thanks for choosing [Company] Internet tech support. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “My weather network, and the news, and, uh… it no work!”

Me: “Your Internet isn’t working?”

Customer: “No! Not Internet. TV! My weather channel isn’t working! And the news channel!”

Me: “Oh, your cable TV isn’t working!”

Customer: “”Right!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Well, you’ve reached Internet tech support, so let me get you right over to cable TV repair, and they’ll be able to look into that for you. Before I get you to them, do you have any Internet questions for me while you have me here?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working!”

Me: “Okay, well, then, let me get you right over to cable TV repair then. This will just put you back into hold while I get you to them. There may be just a brief wait–”

Customer: “Wait!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “My news channel isn’t working!”

Me: “Well, that’s still on your TV, so let’s get you right over to the right department–”

Customer: “Wait!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working either!”

Me: “Okay, well-let-me-get-you-right-over-to-the-right-guys-they’ll-be-with-you-in-just-a-sec-bye!” *hits transfer button*

icon_crazyrequests

Don’t Bank On Their Cooperation

| UK | Crazy Requests, Money

(I work in a call centre that offers customer support for a ticket company. This call comes in a couple of hours into my shift.)

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, first of all, I was trying to book tickets online yesterday and it’s not letting me. Second of all, I think it’s absolutely outrageous that you do not have a customer service line.”

(This statement throws me off a bit and we have a few seconds of silence.)

Me: “Okay, but… you are speaking to our customer services now?”

Customer: “Well, yes, NOW. But my issue occurred 24 hours ago. I think this is absolutely ridiculous.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; however, we are open every day from 9 to 6 so we were in fact available for you to call yesterday on this number. This is the number to call if you need support.”

Customer: “So, if I need help I call this number?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Are you the customer services?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then why can’t I book tickets?”

(I look up his purchase attempt records and can see the customer’s transactions were refused by his bank.)

Me: “Okay, I can see here that it is your bank that is refusing the payments. It could be because they need you to verify that you want to make these online transactions.”

Customer: “So, what do I need to do?”

Me: “You need to contact your bank and verify with them what is going on.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Well, you could use your Internet banking or give them a call.”

Customer: “But it takes ages to get through to them! I can’t believe it’s become this complicated to just book some tickets. Do I really have to go through all this trouble?!”

Me: “Well, I can’t see why your bank is denying these payments so you will need to speak them.”

Customer: “You know what? Forget it. It’s not worth it. I can’t believe how difficult you’re making this. Bye.” *click*

(I was left stunned at the sheer stupidity of someone who not only calls customer services to complain that there is no way to contact customer services, but also blames his credit card refusal on a company who would be more than happy to take his money.)