Customer: “I have your mobile app… I know I can take a picture of a check and make a deposit that way. But I want to know how to make a mobile withdrawal…”

Me: “You want to know if you can make a mobile withdrawal?”

Customer: “Yes. I can’t figure out any way to do that.”

Me: “Well, sir, there is no way to do that because you would have to go to an ATM or into a branch to get actual cash.”

Customer: “But I’m not at an ATM and your branch is closed. I want to deposit this check through the app and get cash right now.”

Me: “Well sir, frankly, technology hasn’t gotten to the point where mobile phones can print – and even at that, printing money, unless done by the government, is illegal.”

Customer: “So I can’t make a mobile withdrawal?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “That’s stupid.” *click*

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(I work in a call centre for a movie rental company; this is not one specific interaction with a customer, but an exchange that happens at least once a day:)

Me: “In order to pull up your transaction, I need the last four digits of the card used.”

Customer: “My credit card?”

Me: “Yes, whatever card you use with us.”

Customer: “You need the last four digits?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Of my credit card?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “The last four?”

(I will be moving to a new apartment in a few weeks. I call my local cable company to get a price quote and to see if I can set up a service appointment. It is almost the end of September.)

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I’m moving to a new apartment on October 11. I wanted to see how much it would cost to get cable, Internet, and home phone set up.”

Representative: “I can help you with that! What is your current address?”

Me: “Well, I currently live at [Current Residence], but I’m going to move on October 11.”

Representative: *typing* “Oh, it looks like you already have cable, Internet, and home phone…”

Me: “Yes, at my current home. I’m moving on October 11 to a new apartment. I want to get a package price and see if I can set up service.”

Representative: “Oh! Yes, I can help you with that. What is the apartment address?”

Me: *gives address*

Representative: *typing* “It looks like someone is currently living there…”

Me: “…”

(I work in auto glass sales. This happens at least once a day:)

Caller: “Yeah, uh, I need a glass replacement?”

Me: “Alright, we can help with that. Is it being billed through insurance or a commercial account?”

Caller: “Insurance.”

Me: “What insurance are you with?”

Caller: “Uh, I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you have a card you can look at?”

Caller: “Nah, I don’t have insurance yet.”

Me: “Unfortunately that would be fraud then. I can put it through cash, if you’d like.”

Caller: “F*** you people! I just want a d*** windshield!” *click*

(I work at a phone centre for the New Zealand Tax Service (IRD), taking inbound calls for people who want to apply for a tax number.)

Me: *over the phone* “Have you got all the documentation along with the ID required?”

Customer: *over the phone* “Yes, I do. How safe is this IRD number? Is this similar to our Social Security number?”

Me: “Not quite. These numbers are safe.”