(I walk a customer through performing a system test on the satellite receiver in his living room.)

Me: “Okay, sir, that one works fine. Can you test the one in your bedroom?”

Customer: “Yeah. Let me get back there.” *he then proceeds to ask about the weather in our area as I hear fluid trickling in the background*

Me: *I finish describing the weather, still hearing a trickle* “Are you ready to test your bedroom receiver now, sir?”

Customer: “Well, I’m in the bathroom now. Hang on.”

(I’m doing a survey, asking business managers to rate how happy they are with various insurance providers they are currently using.)

Me: “How would you rate [Insurance Company]?”

Respondent: “Zero, because the service has been terrible and the claims process was really bad. We have been really unhappy with them.”

Me: “And how often do you go to market for quotes from other insurance companies that are not currently covering you?”

Respondent: “Oh, we never have. We stick with what we know…”

(I work in a call center for a company that offers protections plans online. A lot of customers buy plans for Christmas presents this time of year, and will call us to have the plan transferred from them to the person they’re gifting the item and plan to. This happens during a transfer call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Team]. My name is [My Name]! How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi, I bought a plan online a few days ago and I wanted it to be switched to my son and his wife, but it’s a Christmas present so I don’t want them to get anything before then.”

Me: “Sure thing! I’ll be glad to help you with that. Just before we get into it though, do you have their name, address, phone number, and email address? I’ll need all of that to transfer the plan.”

Caller: “Did you hear what I said? I don’t want them to get anything.”

Me: “No, I understand. I just want to make sure we’re not wasting your time by getting halfway through the transfer, realize we don’t have all we need, and have to tell you to call back later.”

Caller: “Oh, uh, sure. All right.”

Me: “Great! So which name would you like us to use?”

Caller: “Uh, [Wife’s First Name]… Never mind, I don’t know her last name. [Son’s Full Name].”

Me: “Thanks! And what’s his phone number?”

Caller: “Well, they moved so I don’t have their address. I’ll have to go downstairs to get it.”

(This is a number of years ago at a popular store call centre at Christmas time. I was in high school trying to make money for gas.)

Me: “Happy Holidays and thank you for choosing [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered a fridge from you a few weeks ago and they said it would be here by Christmas, but it’s not here yet.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your [Store] card on you?”

(I look her information up and confirm the security details.)

Me: “Okay, it says here that your order has been back-ordered, and unfortunately may not arrive in time for Christmas.”

Customer: “What? It has to be here for Christmas. When I ordered it the person PROMISED me it would be here by Christmas.”

Me: “Well, let me double check some things here, make sure there isn’t anything missed.” *I go through different paths coming to the same conclusion* “Unfortunately, the fridge may not arrive until the New Year. Apparently it’s a very popular model.”

Customer: “Well, that doesn’t help me! You guys PROMISED me it would be here!”

Me: “And it will be, but unfortunately—”

Customer: “No! You PROMISED it would be here, so what are you going to do to fix this?!”

Me: “I— uh, well, the only solution I can think of is you could try reordering it and return one when they both arrive for a full refund, bringing you back to as if you’d only bought one.”

Customer: “You think that would work?”

Me: “It could. I’m not making any promises, but it says here if you order this today it would get there just after Christmas. It’s not perfect, but it’s not the New Year, either.”

Customer: “Okay, well, do that then.”

Me: “Okay, so you’ll order another fridge and send one back when the other one arrives?”

Customer: “Yes, that will do.”

Me: “Okay, can I get your [credit card number] again?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “No, if I give you number you’re just going to charge it again.”

Me: “Yes, we have to charge the card to order a new fridge for you. We can’t send one to you for free.”

Customer: “Well, that’s what you said!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot send you a free fridge on faith that you’ll send one back.”

Customer: “Well that’s just wonderful, isn’t it?! First you won’t send me the fridge YOU PROMISED would get here BY CHRISTMAS, then you want to charge me A SECOND TIME for the fridge YOU STILL WON’T SEND ME! Never mind, I guess I’ll just have to wait until AFTER Christmas and ruin it for them then. Thanks a lot!” *click*

(I work in the call centre for a national supermarket. It’s six pm on Christmas Eve. It’s beyond busy. A customer calls to say that he collected his order from store, only he just noticed that the games console package is missing its games.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. Give me a moment; I’ll call the store to see if it’s been left behind.”

(I put the customer on hold and speak to a female staff member on the front desk.)

Me: “Hi there, a customer’s missing part of his order. Could you go check it for me, please?”

Store Colleague: “Sure! Be right back.”

(I wait and try to get this increasingly irate customer to calm down.)

Store Colleague: “I can’t find it out back. It’s being shipped separately. What can I do to help this customer?”

(I’m stunned. This is the first helpful person I’ve spoken to all day.)

Me: “Uh, could you go get them off the shelf, if you’ve got any left? And then replace it with the shipped one when it gets there?”

Store Colleague: “Sure! Oh, bother, there’s only one of the two. Never mind, just tell him to ask for [Store Colleague] and I’ll get it fixed.”

Me: “Thanks!” *to customer* “Hello, sir, sorry about the wait. It looks like it’s being sent separately, so we’ve managed to pull one game off the shelf for you. I know it’s not much…”

Customer: “Are you kidding?! You’ve just saved my a**! If the wife found out I left it this late to get the presents, she’d kill me! Thank you so much!”

(Some months later, I happen to be in the store in question whilst on holiday. I notice the name badge on the girl at the desk and remember her. I thanked her and bought her some flowers. Even though we work for the same company, she was the only member of store staff that Christmas Eve who actually helped me out, and restored my faith in humanity.)