There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People

, | | Right | March 28, 2008

(As with most customers, once you’ve told them to “right click” on something one time, they can’t help but ask you about it every few seconds…this was a special instance.)

Me: “Alright ma’am, I need you to click on the icon for me.”

Customer: “Right click or left click?”

Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

Customer: “Alright.”

(5 minutes later…)

Me: “Ok, go ahead and click on that button for me.”

Customer: “Right click or left click?”

Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

(5 more minutes later…)

Me: “Can you click on that icon for me ma’am?”

Customer: “Right click or left click?”

Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

Customer: “You already said that like three times!”

 

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The (Mystery) State Of The Union

| | Right | March 27, 2008

(I was an 800-directory operator. We weren’t information, we just gave you 1-800 numbers.)

Caller: “Excuse me, but what state is Kentucky in?”

Me: “Well, Kentucky IS a state.”

Caller: “Yeah, but what state is it in?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not IN a state. There are 50 states, and Kentucky is one of them.”

Caller: “Well, there’s 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii.”

Me, sarcastically: “There’s only 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii TWICE. But there’s only 51 if you don’t count Kentucky.”

Caller: *click*

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He Wants The Google

, | | Right | March 7, 2008

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, sir, you would have to buy an Internet connection, like our DSL, to–”

(He cuts me off.)

Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine; you really need to buy a connection package first to–”

(He cuts me off again.)

Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?”

Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billion, sir.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for [price], you can use Google all you want and it’ll be free!

Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?”

Me: “Beats me, sir.”

 

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Today, We Are All Roberts

| | Right | March 5, 2008

Me: “Good morning, welcome to *****. My name is July, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I was told I was going to talk with Robert, so you’re Robert.”

Me: “It must have been a mistake. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, Robert…”

(Knowing I’m not going to get through to him, I give up. He keeps calling me “Robert” during the whole call.)

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What They Really Think

| | Right | February 20, 2008

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid your SIM card has been destroyed due to entering your PUK code too many times. You will have to get a new one.”

Customer: “Ok, thanks.”

(Some moments pass and he hasn’t hung up. I put the phone on mute.)

Customer: “Stupid b**ch!” *miscellaneous other insults*

*mute off*

Me: “Uh, sir, you might want to disconnect the line, I’m still here.”

Customer: “OH F***!” *click*

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