I Junk Mailed To Say I Love You

, | Right | August 6, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Wireless Company]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, you sent me an ad and I want to let you know I’m very happy with the service I’m getting with a competitor, so I don’t need your services.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Would you like to be taken off our mailing?”

Customer: “Now, just a minute there; just a minute! I want to thank you for thinking of me. Nobody ever sends me anything in the mail these days, so I want to thank you for sending me things. I don’t want your services, but I’d like you to keep sending me the ads.”

Me: “You don’t want to buy anything from us, but you want to keep receiving the advertisements? Am I understanding you correctly?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. Thank you for thinking of me.”

Me: “Um, you’re welcome, sir! We’d be happy to keep sending you things in the mail, if that’s what you want.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

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A Runaway Train Of Thought

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2009

(A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)

Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”

Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”

Caller: “Terrorism?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”

Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*

Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”

Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*

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Little Know It All Has No Reason To Be Still Waiting

, , | Right | August 3, 2009

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “Last night, I came here to see Sum 41 and The Offspring. Sum 41 called some people up onto the stage, but they didn’t know the words!”

Me: “Wait, you’d like to complain about a random fan a singer picked to come up on stage?!”

Caller: “Yes! These girls just danced around like fools! I’ve been a fan for years and I know all the words, so why wasn’t I picked to go on stage?”

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And On The Eighth Day, He Created Fax

, , | Right | July 31, 2009

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Mortgage Company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like an application for your assistance program.”

Me: “Certainly! We’ve actually put the application online for your convenience, so you can complete it and submit it right there on our website.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t use computers. Technology usage is against my religious beliefs. Can you just fax me the application?”

Me: “Erm… absolutely!”

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When You Know You Need Better Glasses Or Better Handwriting

| Right | July 29, 2009

(In taking a call, I ask a customer to read me some numbers from her hardware in order to access her account.)

Customer: “3-7-V…”

Me: *repeating* “3-7-V.”

Customer: “3-7-V!”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard, correcting* “3-7-B?”

Customer: “3-7-V!”

Me: “…3-7-V? ‘V’ like ‘Victor’?”

Customer: “3-7-V! V! ‘V’ like ‘umbrella’!”

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