Email Fail, Part 20

, , , | | Right | June 6, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I emailed you over four hours ago and haven’t heard a response. The waiting time for a response on your website says four hours! It’s been way longer than that!”

Me: “I do apologize, sir. Our email system has been down all afternoon. We are working as fast as possible to get it running again.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t anyone email me to tell me that?”

Me “…”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 19
Email Fail, Part 18
Email Fail, Part 17

“Cell” Mates

, , | Right | June 6, 2018

(I work for cable television tech support, with service in 30 states and call centers in 8 of them.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. What can we do for you?”

Caller: “Hello, [My Name]! I think I met you in prison!”

Me: “That’s… highly unlikely.”

(What kind of person says that?)

Their Brain Logged Out A Long Time Ago

, , , | | Right | June 6, 2018

(I currently work in Internet support for a major insurance company. Our primary duties involve password resets, but every once in a while, we’ll get something like this. The sad part is that this is not the first time I’ve gotten this type of call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]’s Internet support. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Caller: “It won’t let me log out. I clicked the ‘log out’ button and it gave me an error, and it won’t let me log out now.”

Me: “All right, well, I’m certainly sorry to hear about the trouble.” *with emphasis* “May I have your name, please?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller].”

Me: “All right, Mr. [Caller], do you remember the exact error message that you encountered?”

Caller: *reads off generic browser error message* “Why won’t it let me log out?”

Me: “Okay, well, it sounds like your browser encountered an error. If you close out of the browser it will log you out from the website.”

Caller: “I tried that, and it says I’m still logged in.”

Me: “Did you close out of all of the browser windows, entirely?”

Caller: “No, let me try that. Hold on; it’s restarting.”

Me: *feeling dread creep over me* “The browser is restarting?”

Caller: “No, the computer. It’s thinking now; hold on.”

(I sit there in silence while the customer waits for his computer to finish booting after it restarted.)

Caller: “All right. I’m back on the website and it says I’m logged out; let me log in and make sure I can log out again.”

(I place the customer on mute and bang my head on my desk while insulting this man’s parentage.)

Caller: “Okay, it let me log out.”

Me: “Fantastic. Is there anything else I can help you with today, Mr. [Caller]?”

Caller: “No, but do you know why it wouldn’t let me log out?”

Me: *throws pen across cubicle* “Like I said, it sounded like a random browser error, but you should be fine from here on out. Thank you for calling [Company]. We appreciate your business. I hope you have a good day.” *disconnects call*

The Archives Should Tell You That This Never Works

, , , | | Working | June 4, 2018

(I work in a call centre for a company that arranges hire vehicles for people who have been in no-fault accidents. As such, we handle sensitive information. We work with a specific hire company. Recently, we have enjoyed getting calls from people claiming to be from the hire company’s “archive team,” which doesn’t exist. They are clearly trying to obtain information. One day this happens:)

Me: “Good morning. You’re through to [My Name] at [Company]; how can I help?”

Person: “Good morning. I’m calling on behalf of a mutual client.”

Me: “Can I take the client’s registration?”

Person: *registration*

Me: “Thank you. Can I also take your name and where you’re calling from?”

Person: “[Person] from [Hire Company] archive team.”

Me: *immediately on guard* “Hello. Unfortunately, you’re not listed on the file so I can’t discuss the claim with you, but I see my colleague asked you to email us… five minutes ago, actually. Did you do that?”

(She hangs up. I write my notes into the file and send an email to my team advising they’re at it again. Next call I receive…)

Me: “Good morning. You’re through to [My Name] at [Company]; how can I help?”

Person: “Good morning. I’m calling on behalf of a mutual client.”

Me: *recognising their voice* “Can I take the registration, please?”

Person: “Yes, it’s [same info as before].”

Me: “Oh, hi. I think it was me you were speaking to just a few moments ago; is that [Person]?”

(She hung up. Honestly, how stupid do you have to be to try it a third time, minutes later, even when it’s obvious we’re onto you?)

Fixing It? Why Didn’t We Think Of That?!

, , | Right | May 28, 2018

(At work we have had a known issue with our email system for a month and can’t seem to pin down the cause, and therefore haven’t fixed it yet. All 200-plus locations have known about this the entire time and have instructions on three temporary workarounds. On a call from an affected location…)

Caller: “I can’t get into my email.”

Me: “Yeah, unfortunately, it’s still an ongoing issue and we don’t have a permanent solution yet.”

Caller: “Has anyone tried fixing it yet?”

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