Non-Rage Against The Machine

, , , | Right | May 31, 2021

I work in an automotive call centre. 

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]. This is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”


Me: “Hello? [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Oh! You answered that so nice and polite! I thought you were a machine! Great voice!”

Me: “Thank you?”

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This Story Starts With A Tornado And Gets Worse

, , , , , , | Right | May 28, 2021

Caller: “Why are you advertising tours that aren’t available?

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Caller: “I booked an excursion on a boat with my wife for our anniversary, and when I arrived, they said they weren’t doing any more tours! We both took two days off work for this cruise, got up at two in the morning, and drove seven hours for nothing!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry about that—”

Caller: “This is your fault! You advertised something that wasn’t even available! I want a refund and two vouchers for a free tour of our choice!”

Me: “Let me call the tour operator and find out what happened—”

Caller: “They even told me that they called you and specifically told you that they weren’t offering the tour anymore and asked you to remove the advertisement!”

That’s a lie. Tour vendors are responsible for the accuracy of the information posted on our portal, and THEY are responsible for removing any service that has been discontinued. Our company simply makes the booking and sends the vendor the proceeds, minus the commission.

Me: “Let me call them—”

Caller: “How about you just give me two free tours and I’ll let you keep your job?”

Me: *Flipping off the phone* “Please hold.”

I call the vendor. They called the customer to inform them that the boat trip had been cancelled because of a TORNADO WARNING, and the customer threw a screaming fit, despite being sent two tickets by the vendor on their dime.

Me: “Okay, thank you for holding. We do apologize, but these circumstances were out of our control.”

I explain the obvious safety reasons.

Me: “I’ve gone ahead and put your refund through.”

Caller: “And you have nothing to offer to make up for the seven hours I drove, and the time I took off for work just for this cruise?”

Me: “Aside from the fact that you were already given two free vouchers by the vendor for their services, I’m seriously curious as to why on earth you and your wife would take time off of work, get up at two in the morning, and drive seven hours for — according to the ticket information — a forty-minute long boat trip for $10?”

Caller: *Click*

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Triple-A Ungrateful

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2021

I work as a supervisor for roadside assistance. I get an escalation sent to me because a lady wants us to use her membership to give her husband service, which is not covered. I see that she has been a member with us since 1989, so I grant a one-time exception to allow her husband to receive service.

Me: “May I have his first and last name, as well as a number to keep in contact with him in case the driver needs to talk to him? All your husband needs to do is be present when the driver arrives and have his photo ID ready.”

At first, the caller is very happy and grateful for me helping her.

Me: “If your husband needs service through us again, he will have to become a member to use the road service.”

Caller: *Suddenly offended* “How dare you?! How dare you assume that my husband needed the service?! It’s my card and my car; what makes you think he needed the service?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s part of the policy that you agreed to when you became a member that you must be present at the time of service. All I was saying was that if you need service, you must be present. If your husband does, he would have to be a member.”

Caller: *Yelling* “How dare you repeat yourself?! I was the one needing service, not my husband. You people do nothing to help me, ever! Why do I even deal with this?!”

Me: “I did just grant you an exception for a service that isn’t covered.”

She goes quiet for about five seconds.

Caller: “Oh, f*** you.” *Click*

A few hours later, I receive another escalation from the same lady asking why her call was canceled. It turns out that the driver arrived and her husband was nowhere to be found. They tried to call him, and he answered and told the driver:

Caller’s Husband: “Oh, I didn’t know I needed to be there.”

When I tell her what happened, she just mumbles:

Caller: “I married a f****** idiot.”

Then she hung up on me again!

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, , | Right | May 27, 2021

A customer wants to set up a password for their account. It is necessary to have at least one capital letter, a number, and a punctuation mark in a password. Only certain characters are allowed to be used as a punctuation mark.

Customer: “Can I use a dollar sign in my password?

Me: “No. Please use a period, comma, exclamation mark, or question mark.

Customer: “Okay… hashtag… It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Did you use either a period, comma, exclamation mark, or question mark?

Customer: “Yes, I’ve got a capital letter, regular letters, hashtags…

Me: “I would advise you not to use a hashtag, as that won’t work. Please choose either a period, comma, exclamation mark, or question mark.

Customer: “I’ll use the AT sign, then. Huh, it won’t work.

Me: “No, it won’t… You have to use a period, comma, exclamation mark, or question mark.

Customer: “Oh, okay…

Ten seconds later:

Customer: “Oh, wow! That actually works!”

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When His Ad Verbatim Becomes Ad Nauseum

, , , , , | Right | May 25, 2021

I get a call from a retired gentleman who wishes to complain about new legislation on fees for second properties. I bring this up on Google so I can check it.

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that the government has arranged this; the bank cannot do anything about it. You’d need to bring it to your MP’s attention.”

This unleashes some sort of demon.

Caller: “I want a complaint raised. You will fill it ad verbatim; you know what ad verbatim means, I hope!”

He complained about the legislation, and then, because I was using verbal cues like “aha,” “hmm,” “yeah,” etc., he decided to go off on me, practically reducing me to tears and calling me every name under the sun. Policy means I had to read the complaint back to him to confirm.

Not long after, one of the bigwigs for our site came over, explained that they’d looked at the complaint and listened to the call, and told me that the man had been sent a notice of account closing. This means that the bank had declared him not worth his custom — despite the amount he had in his accounts — and that they would be closing his accounts and he would need to find another service for his banking needs.

This is something very, very, rarely done, and is usually reserved for laundering accounts, so it was a big win.

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of May 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of May 2021 roundup!

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