We all know that every job comes with a bunch of jokes that might or might not be funny (even when you understand them).
The helpdesk is not an exception, and that’s why one day our manager felt it necessary to tell us this.
Manager: “If a customer is complaining that he is not able to log in, please don’t joke that he is fired. There are a lot of people being laid off recently; you might be on point.”
I work in the customer service center for a large convention center. I get a call from someone trying to get to us from the airport. It is my last day before leaving and going to college, and my patience for stupid has run out.
Me: “Okay, sir, if you’re at the airport, I need you to follow the signs to the freeway and take the lane heading to [City].”
Caller: “I can’t see anything.”
Me: “You can’t see the signs to the freeway?”
Caller: “I can’t see anything! You need to tell me where to go!”
Me: “You’re at the airport, right? What can you see?”
Caller: “No, I left the airport already! I’m driving! I can’t see anything! You need to tell me where to go!”
Me: “What can you see? What signs are you seeing as you drive?”
Caller: “No! There’s nothing! I can’t see anything! I need directions!”
Me: “Sir, please just look for any road sign or street name and—”
Caller: “No! Why aren’t you listening!? There is nothing! I can’t see anything! I’m just driving, but there’s nothing here! Give me directions and get me out of here!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it sounds like you’ve left our dimension and are now driving through a void between realities. Please call back when you find yourself back in a recognizable manifold.” *Click*
Client: “Hi. I can’t see where to enter a coupon code for your website.”
Me: “There isn’t one; we don’t issue coupon codes.”
Client: “Well, how am I supposed to get a discount? This is very unprofessional of you, forcing your customers to pay full price.”
I am helping a caller who suddenly takes offense with the way I speak.
Caller: “Your accent is s***! Are you from Timbuktu or something?! Get me an American!”
Me: “Ma’am, I can either take your call now or place you in a hundred-ticket-long waiting queue for your inquiry to hopefully be responded by one of our American agents. What would you prefer?”
Caller: “…Please help me…”
A caller has just booked a flight to England, and I am running through the details of the flight and baggage details.
Me: “So, the maximum you can carry is fifty pounds, and—”
Caller: “But London is so expensive! I’ll need way more than fifty pounds!”
For a moment, I am confused: why is her weight limit linked to her budget? Then, it hits me.
Me: “Ma’am, your baggage weight limit is fifty pounds. You can bring in a lot more currency, the British pound, than that!”
Caller: “Oh, okay. So, my weight limit is fifty British pounds? Is that different from normal pounds?”
Me: “No, the pound weight is the same in both the UK and the US. You can carry fifty pounds of weight to the UK. We’re not talking about money here, just weight.”
Caller: “So, England uses the same money as America? What are you saying? I’m confused.”
Me: “So am I.”
Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 13
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 12
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 11
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 10
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 9
